How do you feel about wedding honeymoon registries?

Is this in addition to the normal wedding registry?
Or is it just another option?

No, they only registered for the honeymoon registry. Usually I buy a serving piece of good china if a couple registers.

In some ways it does make sense. People tend to get a lot of stuff they never use or have to return after the wedding. Not that i’ve ever heard of it before.

It really is too bad that they didn’t include a note or something that said not to feel bad if you wanted to get them an actual gift even though they would prefer the trip.

I would just spend the same amount I would for a normal registry.
Why do you feel this is a shake down (but not for the fine china)?

I’ve been trying to figure that out, Nimis. I have no problem spending $100 for a piece of china, but feel let down paying for a honeymoon. I guess it’s like having a cash bar at a wedding. I was raised that you do the best that you can afford to do, and if you can’t afford Hawaii, then you go to Florida, or Gatlinburg, or wherever you can afford. You don’t have a sit-down dinner reception and have a cash bar.

If you were to do/have the best that you can afford to do/have, you probably shouldn’t have fine china either. I think the only difference is that getting fine china for your wedding is such the norm and is much more widely accepted. We’re not that well-to-do, but we did get a set for our wedding. Personally, I find it a little odd. But everyone assures us we will appreciate it later.

Maybe it has to do with tangibles and intangibles? Do you think, years on down the road, they won’t remember your contribution to their honeymoon?

You’re asking good questions, Nimis. I use my china a lot, because I do the cooking for holidays, and I like to have people over for a nice dinner; I always have. (If the truth be known, I have wedding china, my husband’s grandmother’s china, Christmas dishes, and a set of 40 pressed glass buffet plates and matching dessert plates. I use it all. Wedding china- dinner guests, grandmother-family holidays with his side of the family, Christmas- month of december. Pressed plates- parties, bigger parties.)

We went to Sea Island GA for our honeymoon. It was lovely, and could afford it. I would feel bad planning a more extravagant trip, especially if we counted on money to afford it, and didn’t get it. I guess I feel pressured to make the trip a reality.

I think it’s really practical. And don’t feel shaken down, just give as much to the honeymoon trip as you would for the gravy bowl. They’ll make up the difference and have a lifetime of memories to share with you when they return!

I wouldn’t feel pressured to make the trip a reality. Just give what the china would cost and they will make up the difference. I think the point is they already plan to go and are suggesting that they would prefer some help from everyone to close the gap between affordable and not.

Give them a nice inexpensive picture frame with a photo as well, so that they have something to remember your contribution by.

It is a different situation than someone else I know who took out a credit card to fund her son’s honeymoon week to Europe. After he had the credit card number, he mentioned that they were able to get a great deal on a month long trip and so they went ahead and charged the full month instead since there was plenty of room on the card.

Wow, fireside, that was nice of the parents. I could not imagine anyone being able to pull off a month-long honeymoon.

Maybe they thought it was a nicer way of asking for money?
(Less tangible than dishes, but more tangible than just asking for money.)

I think that more and more wedding couples feel that this is their opportunity to acquire whatever they feel they need in this life.

I totally understand where AlfredaPrufrock (i think I just really like typing such a great screen name) is coming from.

The concept of registries was dreamed up by retailers to encourage more buying!!!! They were supposed to be a way to discreetly let guests know items the couple needed. Now, the sense of greed and entitlement has morphed to all sorts of occasions beyond weddings. It has expanded to include honeymoons, house funds!!!!!!!!, and more.

The couple has moved from providing gentle suggestions to being outraged if someone chooses to get them a gift other than something on their list. Couples feel no shame in picking only pricey items.

It leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth. What are you a friend or a source of funding?

Maybe just hand them a crumpled up wad of cash during the wedding line and wink knowingly?

My niece is getting married Saturday, and I have no problem writing her a nice check, because she’s family. Maybe it has to do with the conversion value of money to goods. I’m willing to write a check for my niece, because I’m willing to give her what looks like a generous present. For long-term friends, I would rather spend a little more, maybe take advantage of a sale, spend $100 but get dishes that are regularly $150, so the purchase feels generous. People that I know from work…I feel funny giving a monetary gift.

Sorry to dwell on this. The comments are all great, and I’m working my way through my throught processes.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that you are still handing your niece a check?

The distasteful thought to me now that i think about it a little more about the honeymoon registry is that your gift will now just be a line item on an invoice they print out. Not much of a keepsake.

When my wife and I got married we paid for the entire wedding ourselves and did almost everything ourselves (our only vendor was the company that rented us chairs). Consequently, we had no money left over for a honeymoon.

We’d been living together for a while now and own everything we need so we didn’t think it’d make sense to ask for more “stuff.” We weren’t upset if people didn’t donate. We ended up having a wonderful honeymoon we’ll always remember and we associate those memories with those we love. I think what it comes down to is attitude. You can be a real jerk about a regular registry, too.

Thanks, Davy!

Instead of just writing a check, one of my good friends asked us
where we were honeymooning and gave us currency from that country.
Ultimately, it’s still money. But it was a very sweet and thoughtful gesture.

I think it is a nice idea – especially in this day when most couples already come to a wedding with 2 sets of dishes and bedding etc. It is a very “green” option. That said, I generally recommend having a honeymoon registry, and “things” registry and a charity registry so guests feel like they have options. You can always ask them if they also have a traditional registry set up anywhere and get the hint across. That said – it really should be all the same to you. They have something they really want (that scuba trip or whatever) and you are helping them get it. They will remember the trip for ever – where things come and go.

I can totally relate to your question AP, and I’m not sure why, but when a recent couple pointed me in the direction of a honeymoon registry that had explicit monetary amounts, and services you could contribute to, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the practicality and efficiency of it – even the greenness of it, but it just seems like it pushes the obligatory gift thing a little too far. It quantifies it even more. I believe gifts should be genuine and sincere, and something that stands out. While I’d like to get them something they need, an explicit monetary donation, a 100.00 bottle of champage, a cabin upgrade, massages etc. just seems to be pushing the request a little. I also don’t want to be one $100 contribution in a 5k trip. Also, there are a lot of little events preceding weddings, like showers etc. and I don’t want to keep showing up with what feels like an entry fee.

But that might just be my approach to gift-giving.

My husband and I went the honeymoon registry route when we got married. We let the guests know that if they felt like donating we would post pics on flickr of us enjoying whatever they contributed for the honeymoon. We didn’t expect people to buy us a honeymoon in the same way that one wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) expect guests to buy them a china service, or anything for that matter. The point of a wedding isn’t to pile up on goodies. It’s to celebrate!
We offered a large range of items, from cheap meals on the road to nights in a hotel. Our guests could give as much or as little as they desired.
In the end, people were really excited to be able to see what they got us is the pictures we took. I think it made it more tangible. Best of all we didn’t get a bunch of stuff we didn’t need. What we really wanted was a vacation after a very stressful period of endless wedding planning, and our loved ones helped us out with that.