Why do women find rough/thug men more sexy, but want a good guy for the long term?

Ok. This question (or ones very similar to it) have been asked countless times here on the collective. The answer is: it is very shallow and insulting for you (or anyone else) to make this assumption about women. We do not all follow this mantra, and I am sure you men have similar idiosyncrasies. The idea that all women feel this way about dating is horribly sexist and a very immature way to view us.

Rant over.

geese you didn’t have to answer

Here is a Heineken for you Les ,,, hahahahha

Yeah I would have to agree this is just a shallow skeptic views which some have bad experience. Thus they are following this religiously and viola it becomes a mantra.

How can gauge a human emotion it is perhaps a decades of study and it is never ends.

Seems to me the question’s premise is a misunderstanding of the trend you seem to be seeing.

if it is a question that keeps getting addressed here on the collective then why not try to answer it without shutting the person down. Just when I think this site is too nice and too PC and too ass kissy at times I get to read crap like what Les wrote. There are plenty of young kids on here that feel this way. It is normal and probably just a stage in life. A swift kick in the ass only
Makes people shy away from asking questions that they probably don’t feel comfortable
Asking anywhere else. Sure there are stupid questions and stupid answers but if
You find it a recurring thing then maybe there is some truth behind it even if you don’t agree with the asker.

Funny thing. I know a lot of male friends that try to hook up with women that they think are easy. They just want a fun and easily acquired fuck. But they would never want them to be the mother of their children.

So, it goes both ways.

It totally goes both ways.

I like both :p

The good guy is going to be there afetr the storm, the rough dude is in for the game, after the season ends, he’ll be gone…

@NcShawty
Welcome to fluther!

Ok, can someone please enlighten me. Explain what is so sexist about this question? I thought I was as humanistic as the next person, but, aside from the (I believe) unintended over-generalizations, isn’t this question about a pattern that does occur?

What if he had said “Why on average do some women find rough/thug men more sexy, but want a good guy for the long term?

I have to say that, in my experience, the women who are attracted to “bad boys” tend to make that mistake over and over, and often don’t find their “good guy.” I believe this is a fairly common pattern, but certainly not a universal pattern.

There is theory (if not evidence) about this in the evolutionary biology literature. The way they figure it, women want the genes of the bad guy for their kids, because he has many traits that might ensure that genes get passed on, but women then turn to the good guy to help them raise the kids, because that’s really difficult to do alone, and the bad guy isn’t interested.

I don’t know the numbers, but when I was dealing with infertility doctors, they mentioned that the percentage of children who are (unacknowledgedly) not fathered by their mother’s husband is surprisingly high. I don’t know what surprisingly high means, though. There is, apparently, a lot of fooling around going on out there by women that is not generally noted by society. Certainly enough to justify my version of the question, if not oopsic89’s.

Oh damn. Look at that! I didn’t mean to answer the question, just flame the debate. Well, I suppose there’s plenty of room for other theories besides the evolutionary biologists’.

I have a question. How many people here think evolutionary biology is sexist?

I like both too, but admit being attracted to the bad boys more. I like the rough look, I guess. I think ppl in general are attracted somewhat to ppl they think live just a bit on the edge. Possibly because some ppl are afraid to do that – to push their safe zones and do things outside the norms.
I use to love the old biker movies. And old westerns like The Magnificent 7. A combo of bad boy and good guy would be perfect!
I do think the same could be said for guys as well. Guys like the bad girl teasers too!

Question uses our old friend, “Sweeping generalities”. The notion that “the good guy gets the other guy’s seconds” is ridiculous. Question needs to be more carefully worded and specific. I am woman and I disagree strongly with the writer’s vague premise. So that’s one person’s opinion and experience. I’m not sure that I could define either “rough/thug men” or “a good guy.”

So I can neither agree or disagree with the asker. Less haste, more thought, perhaps?

A single dad had twins, the usual good and bad kid, when they graduate from hs, he took his kids for dinner to have a talk, man to man with his sons…
To the bad kid: “I promise I’ll always back you up, and of course, I’ll take you out of jail whenever you need me to”
To the good kid: “You’ll be fine, you will be a wonderful second husband”

I’m a guy and your premise is a stereotype I’ve been exposed to, but which hasn’t exactly proven true in my experience.

(I say hasn’t exactly because in high school, I’ll admit, it largely felt like it was true—but retrospectively I rather suspect that I was just rationalizing my inability to socialize properly with the “nice guys finish last” excuse. I know plenty of very nice guys who did have women all over them.)

Here’s a sweeping generalization that might be a little more accurate and perhaps helpful. Maybe it has something to do with being rough or bad boy that is easier and more natural for many men to (even without really trying) be themselves, project strength and confidence, and be straight and aggressive and unpredictable/exciting (or at least not boring), and not like qualities women already have in abundance (niceness, sensitivity, courtesy). Perhaps what’s really attractive to many women are more like those things, not so much the thug/jerk part (except for women who are stuck replaying jerk or abuse stories or something). A “good guy” could be those things too. But often guys create “good guy” in a way that lacks such qualities, for example, coming across as inauthentic, weak, hesitant, fake nice, manipulative, predictable, boring.

“geese you didn’t have to answer”

oopsicle, i feel so sad for you.
that was the answer. if she didn’t say it, who would have?

I hate it when people act like I shouldn’t answer a question because I didn’t answer it the way they wanted me to! I have to right to express my own opinion! If not everyone has the same right to answer a question, or if not everyone who wants to “should” answer a question, there’s something missing. And it’s called ‘free speech’.

Les: bravo! I applaud your answer!

I find the question absurd.

Perhaps its because many women want to remake a guy, and they have a fantasy about being the one who turns the thug into a good guy.

My friends and I call it assholes vs. Nice guys. Assholes are more interesting, there’s a chase. They either don’t have time for you or don’t really want you and people always want what they can’t have. Any girl can get a nice guy who worships her and will call her every hour on the hour and is basically a really nice stalker. But the guy who never calls her when she wants and who she has to compete for is more appealing.