Couples that don't look good together; Do they have a chance?

Look good to whom?
It’s rather judgemental of you to think that a couple can’t have an enduring relationship because you don’t think they look good together.

Yeah, you answered your own question. I do need to seriously stop thinking about the way people look and dress and enjoy the chemistry you have together. You don’t need a clone of yourself.

I would hope the couple wouldn’t give a shit what others thought. If they are happy with each other that is all that should matter.

Perhaps if they were really insecure and placed great importance on what
other people may think of them. Otherwise, can’t see why it would matter.

Whoa! So many people composing at once!

I have been with men shorter than me, several years older, several years younger, skinnier than me, of different ethnicities than me… what attracts me to them is their character. I don’t care if we get funny looks from others; but I have had the men I am with react negatively.

So the issue isn’t how they look together… it’s about whether they care about what others think about how they look together. Looks fade and change, as will our physical abilities. I am choosing a life partner, not arm candy. But if someone is superficial and insecure, this can be an issue.

So if you are worried that your curves disqualify you from dating thinner men, then you need to focus on making yourself healthier psychologically (in regards to self-esteem) and physically (if you are actually overweight). So take a break from romance and make a commitment to yourself, to find out who you really are and what makes you happy… because no guy will ever be able to do that.

Is a relationship about aesthetics? Maybe a shallow one. Movie stars might need to look good together. Certainly men have chosed women for how they look on their arm.

If you like your guy, but you don’t like the way he dresses, does it hurt you? Will people laugh when they see you together? Or maybe it’s just your friends?

I generally think that it is a person’s personality and relationship skills that make for a lasting union. Maybe you are not in it for the long haul. In that case, dump him for someone pretty, or who has fashion sense.

But you know what the deal is. Talk to him. Tell him you are making no demands, but if he would like you’d go shopping with him, or for him, and show him how to look better. As to your sense of umbrage, get over it. Either you like him or you don’t. Clothes have nothing to do with it.

you dont have to look like a hollywood couple to be accepted. two beautiful people together is nice but then again, what is “beatiful?” the outward appearance? or the fact that two have found commonality? it would be the latter.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder….lol

I often wonder what certain couples see in eachother…but they must see something i don’t.
No, it doesn’t matter if your bf is skinnier than you. And if you don’t like the way he dresses; fix him. Maybe he just needs suggestions. Remember Granimals? The shirts and pants had matching tags so you knew what went together and what didn’t…I think they should incorporate that into all men’s clothing.
Seriously, it’s more important that you click together, than what either of you look like.

Go ahead and think and (especially) talk about it if you can do it with the goal of figuring out what you have been making it mean, and why or what that’s all about for you, so you can let go of it and not have it get in the way of your happiness.

@DeadDolly: I totally believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The last two men I’ve loved weren’t very attractive to me at first, but once I got to know them, I found them to be beautiful. It’s not abbout their physical attributes, but about the gleam in their eye when they talk about something they are passionate about, and how they laugh, and the way they hold their head high when they walk, and all the things that make them interesting and unique.

On the other hand, I have to disagree with your suggestion to “fix him”. I am certain that you know that it is impossible to make someone change for you… they have to want it for themselves. You can make suggestions for them to try different styles, but if you try to force or demand change, it will backfire.

I believe you’re serious about this question, but I gotta say… really??!?!

Of course it shouldn’t matter if a guy dresses differently than you or is skinnier. Is he a great guy and are you attracted to him? If the answer is yes, then quit worrying about the superficial.

I’m with a guy who is shorter than me, thinner than me, and has a different style than I do, Best relationship I’ve ever had.

Rachel & Joey totally did not look good together. So obvious that relationship was doomed.

I have no idea what looking “good together” means. I don’t think the success or failure of a relationship is even in the same universe as their looks. Success in a relationship is based on respect, communication, trust, and love. “Looks” don’t fall under any of those categories, so, it’s irrelavent.

It only matters in high school. What matters is how the person treats you, and makes you feel. They become cute when you care about them.

If what other people think is your primary concern, then you should leave the nice guy alone until you grow up, and have something real to offer a relationship. (This also goes for guys chasing the “hot” girlfriend.)

What has that got to do with anything?!?

First off, I’d like to say I truly admire you for having the courage to post this question; inevitably, there are others out there who ask themselves the same question when looking for a mate or dating, but are too timid or afraid to bring their concern to the surface so as to confront and solve it. I do believe that 10’s tend to be attracted more to 10’s, 4’s to 4’s and so on and so forth regarding the world’s “beauty scale”. But that’s exactly what it is—the world’s beauty scale, not your own. No, it is completely irrelevant if you choose to have a romantic relationship with someone of a smaller size than you, as long as they don’t use it against you to degrade your self-esteem. As far as the success of couples regarding what others think of them, this is completely based on how vital a positive social image is to them. Chances are, only one of them feels this way, and more than likely, it’s the better looking of the two. Personally, how I’m treated by the guy is what attracts me, and what did attract me to my boyfriend of nearly a year. I hope this helps to shed a little light on your predicament. :)

Compatability has more to do with personalities than the judgements of others. But I have to wonder if it would work simply because you’re wondering about it.

@robmandu: I would have given you lurve if you provided a photo with only Rachel and Joey.

I like all types of men. Short, fat, tall, skinny, ugly to some, really smoking hot. I love men with great senses of humor, intellect, independence, hobbies other than my own, and who are nice to everyone. I have dated guys that weren’t that attractive and people have been like “WTF?” but I thought they were great. One in particular always had hot girlfriends so his personality made up for looks. Plus he was an eagle scout who could build really big campfires and climb way up into the tops of really big trees and at the time I thought that was pretty cool.

@girlofscience, pour vous.

@hearkat…I mean fix him as far as clothes go. Other things are not fixable, I agree.

A little old jewish lady I used to work for told me this years ago: “The happiest couples that I ever knew…look like brother and sister”

She was a lovely lady so I just smiled and nodded. Now, years later, I think she may have been on to something.

@robmandu: Now that’s better!

Yes, they have a chance if they stop worrying about things that don’t matter -like whether they look good together.

Fuck it, you don’t choose who you love. And you don’t listen to the people who tell you you’re wrong to do it, for whatever reason.

It doesn’t matter if you’re ‘picture perfect’ or not, that has nothing to do with who you like and who you should be with. I know someone who i think just ‘likes’ someone just because they’re picture perfect, that didn’t end up well… They weren’t compatible. But if you like someone, it doesn’t matter.

Two little stories here.

My sister and her old boyfriend looked great together, the couple that everyone admired—picture perfect. Turned out that was obsessively important to him. When she finally wanted to break up with him, he wouldn’t let go. Didn’t until she gained about 100 pounds (not even realizing at the time that that was why she did it). It took her 3 years to finish paying the price of his obsession.

My brother married someone who decided to improve his style. Granted, there was plenty of room for improvement because she was really into fashion and he dressed like a vagrant. Smart, well educated, and well employed, but he didn’t care how he looked. She fixed that. Even made him pluck his fierce eyebrows. My husband said, “He can’t keep that up. One of these days there’s going to be an explosion, and boom, he’ll be back the way he was.” Well, of course she wanted to remake him in a lot more ways than that. When the explosion finally came, they had a house and kids to deal with. She’s gone now, and he let his eyebrows grow back.

This might sound obvious, @needle, but why don’t you take a look at some couples who have really lasted? We can’t all look like Paul and Joanne (or Zac and Vanessa), but there are plenty of enduring marriages around. I know one long-wedded couple, for example, where he is built like a parade balloon, and she is definitely bonsai, but she looks about 20 years older than he does. If they were choices in a matching game you would never put them together. Yet they’ve been married more than 30 years and still seem to dote on one another.

Here’s something to think about. What exists between two people is something that only they will ever really know. The view from inside a couple is never like the view from outside. And it’s the view from inside that matters.

@cprevite, I think she was. Some couples really do grow to resemble one another over time. But don’t forget the story of Narcissus. I have seen many people attracted to one another who did look related, and I have always assumed that subconsciously they saw their own image and found themselves irresistibly attracted.

They do stand a chance. In fact, you will see that as time goes by they will both start looking the same. Same style, character, mood, etc..
Its something that takes getting used to.

k thats so not true lol. because the personality and who they are in the inside matters soooooo much more then their appearance. i have nothing else to say. becaue its liek yur saying that ugly people cant be in love and be loved. lol. everyone has a chance at love.

it can have a strong affect on you if you let it.

in my experience, i find that in a personal setting, a couple that may look mismatched on the outside can be very comfortable and click very well with one another. but sometimes when you’re out and about, and people give you and your partner looks, it can get to you (or your partner).

I’m pretty sure that ugly couples are doomed and can never be happy.

@Fieryspoon: God forbid you’re ever a part of one.

So how do we determine who is ugly and who is not. You are..and you are…and you…and you. Ah, crap thats a mirror. I guess were all ugly.

Whether a couple looks good together usually doesn’t have much to do with their looks, but with how happy they are together and how much they like/ love each other. This is what makes a couple “cute”- they’re happy together despite their differences. I’ve known plenty of couples where the guy was skinnier than the girl and they still really liked each other. (There seem to be a lot of couples like this at art school and in the indie rock scene… maybe those guys are less superficial.) If you guys are happy together, you will look good together.

It’s an interesting question. Certainly, society places some amount of pressure on us to date people that are commonly believed to be “appropriate” for us, hence the common racist and homophobic reactions to mixed gender or same sex relationships. So yes, I think maybe there’s a little extra to deal with in a relationship that – at least, from other people’s perspectives – does not look “right.”

However, if you want to be with someone, then you feel right together, and that’s what will make the relationship last. Furthermore, when other people can see a connection between two people, then others are probably more likely to view the two people as fitting together.

They may not look good together to YOU, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that other people feel the same way as you. I think this whole shallow attitude should be dropped, personally. There are more important things in life than what somebody looks like and what two people look like together.

look good togather is a really superficial way of looking at relationship… obviously any couple have a chance at having a wonderful, lasting relationship.

Quick story: One of the most beautiful couples I know appear from the outside to be one of the most incompatible. With more than 20yrs age difference and different backgrounds those from the outside are very quick to judge. But once you know them as individuals and as a couple you realize there’s a reason they’ve lasted for the past 10yrs and are still madly in love.

Looks can be decieving…and there’s a famous saying I’ve found true in my life “love is blind”