I’m grateful for Augustlan’s response. I know my friend to be caring. She’s concerned. Perhaps there’s judgment there too. Anyone not have judgment? Anyone?
I’m shocked and truthfully – pissed off – at the judgment and bitterness leveled against this woman. And her son! My goodness. By the way, people: she had CONCERNS about him developing a roving eye. I couldn’t believe how many of you jumped to the conclusion that he was an asshole and how bad of a husband and father he is! Wow wow wow. I know him, and that is so untrue. I’m offended, and pissed off on his behalf. Some of you are pretty quick to jump to conclusions. If that’s you, I implore you to look at your beliefs about men and husbands.
Ok. Deep breath. It seems like this question touched a nerve. I know I’m feeling it myself, and I certainly heard that in some of the responses.
To be clear: I know all the people involved here. These are healthy, reasonable, caring people. The son and his wife have an amazing relationship. They are highly functional, very successful and run a business together that helps a lot of people. This is NOT an episode from Jerry Springer.
The mother cares about them a lot, and worries a little. She KNOWS the negative impact it would have if she expressed them, and SHE WOULDN’T DREAM OF DOING SO. But still having the concerns, she confided in me about them. (Can you imagine being in her shoes? Having concerns, and not knowing what to do with them?)
Personally, I don’t share her concerns and told her as much. But she’s still worried. So I thought my friend could get some ideas and perspective here. I did glean a few things from the responses to share with her. Thank you for those – especially Nimis, Basp, Judi, Augustlan.
It is very possible that her judgment is coming from ignorance and short-sightedness. But I was so taken aback by the overall bitterness, judgment, and projection of evil on this woman, that I recommended that she not read the responses. I thought Fluther as a community was more compassionate than this. Perhaps it would have been different if she had posted herself. I now wish that my friend and I could have chosen a better title for the question than how to deal with an overweight family member. A more accurate title might have been, How to deal with one’s own judgments about a family member?
Still experiencing shock and anger over here. My trust in Fluther seriously took a hit with this conversation.
So my message to you – whoever’s reading this – when you respond to a question such as this, is to try and put yourself in the shoes of the questioner. I’ve been guilty of this too, at times being snarky or dismissive. In this case, representing my friend here really woke me up to the impact of what that’s like – being the recipient of assumption and insult. The woman was looking for some help and fresh perspective. Not dismissal.