How are your boundaries?

lurve for using the tag “woo-woo”

My first response to the question was “uhrr?”, but when I stop to think about it, I realize I do know what you’re talking about.

I am very a closed-in, non-sharing sort of person in real life. Very large personal boundaries. But now that I’m in a management position, I find I have to force myself out of that bubble and actually talk to my staff about private and personal matters when it affects their work. I take them somewhere neutral (like lunch) and ask them about what’s going on in their lives that’s making them late, or grumpy, or distracted – whatever. Some of them actually cry! ACK!! And them I have to figure out how to be empathetic, supportive, and constructive. It’s exhausting. And hopefully I don’t totally suck at it.

What kind of boundaries are we talking here? Keeping one’s shit to oneself, or setting boundaries for other people?

I think I’m usually okay at both.. actually, I think I’m way too good at the former. I think of myself like a fortress with many walls and I try to manage everything by myself, keep it in, etc. I was just thinking how no one has any idea the kind of storm that exists in my head most of the time. I like to keep it as contained as possible, but I realize this leads to puzzling and odd behavior on my part, as people have absolutely no idea why I’m acting the way I am.. it’s usually because the storm is getting to be too much and it bleeds out a bit in my actions.

As for other people, I had one relationship years ago that gave me a lifetime’s fill of mind-f*cking and unbelievable dramatic, soap opera-quality b.s. Ever since then, I’m very quick to not allow that sort of thing back in my life. I’ve gotten a lot better at standing up for myself and speaking out when I’ve had enough.

Funny you ask this question. I was just thinking about this the other day.

Before college, my boundaries were clean, and box-like. What I felt stayed inside, and what I expected of others was very clear.

When I went to college, I felt like I was too cold, and so I tried to warm up to other people and chill out. I felt like a mess. My thoughts and feelings were less contained, I experienced outbursts of frustration where before I would have contained…. I said how I felt and my face bore evidence of how I felt. I wore my heart on my sleeve.

Now, I think I have reached a balance. I have my box back. I’m happy with my box-like personality. But I also love bleeding over, but only occasionally.

With one huge exception, I have no boundaries at all. I am an open book, and allow others to be the same with me. The exception is my mother. I finally had to set a large boundary with her so as not to go insane. Other than that, I “bleed” on everyone, and everyone bleeds on me. I’m ok with that.

My emotions, beliefs, and heart are all posted on my sleeves. It’s not that it doesn’t get me hurt; it does. It’s more that I need to have faith that people will not take advantage of it. I’d rather be free, and get hurt once in a while than be closeted and be safe.

I try to stay in my little box but it doesn’t work. Lots of people that I’ve known/worked with have said that I’m a terrible liar, simply because what I’m thinking is always plastered all over my face. “Your facial expressions are PRICELESS!” I get it all the time. Much to my chagrin… it’s anti-mylittlebox.

i have no boundaries. and after the day i’ve had today; I’m going out to play in traffic.

Don’t F with me and I won’t F with you. Very simple. This goes for everyone. I think more people should be this way.

I’m pretty much like Sueanne_Tremendous but add the people I love to the list of ones you’d better not mess with.

My boundaries are changeable. It totally depends on the person or group in question, how well I know them, trust them and how I relate to them (some people appeal to and welcome emotional outpours – others would run away screaming from it – either can be a good friend).
It can change with time or based on setting.

Different places have different things that are culturally acceptable and not. I try to be conscious of what they are wherever I am. I tend to be a little more accepting of differences coming toward me and careful of other people’s boundaries with what’s coming from me.

I used to care less about this sort of thing, but having moved recently to a new city – with a very different culture than the one I spent decades in – I’m still sort of an outsider.

My boundaries are strong. I protect my relationship with my wife with boundaries against other guys. Because I did not always understand how vulnerable she is.

I do not talk about my wife in a demeaning way like I hear some guys talk about their girlfriends.

If I feel I can help someone by talking with them personally, I will do it. If they can help me, I am open to their comments.

I am very open in some degrees…in expressing what my faults are. But I am strong in faith as well, which I am happy to share because it has been a transformational experience.

My faith defines my boundaries.

i think that anybody who has gossiped has blurred the boundaries. i have gossiped myself so i am guilty with this one. it is very rare to find someone who can honestly say they have never gossiped. when you gossip, you’re saying “let’s you and me talk about this third person” and that’s blurring the boundaries.