I want to cry, how do I make myself remember him?

I’m so, so sorry to hear about your Dad. How awful for you. You’re right – you are numb and in shock. You can’t make yourself do anything right now. How brave of you to come here and ask for help. I believe it will all come in time – the grief, mourning, anger, acceptance. But talking to people – your friends and family – about your Dad and how you feel will help you a lot. Most importantly, take care of yourself.

There is no timetable for mourning. It has only been a week. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m very very sorry about your father. And I wish all the best to you and your family, like autumn said, there is no timetable for grief. My father died when I was thirteen, it wasn’t the same, but I get it. You will cry when you’re ready again, you shouldn’t feel you ‘need to mourn his death’. You’re in shock, you are mourning. Give yourself time, try to focus on happy memories and talk to your friends and family. And don’t be ashamed to ask for help or to lean on those around you. Your family and friends love you and can give you enormous strength.

Give yourself time.

My heart aches for you. My kids father committed suicide when they were 4, 6, and 8.
There are a lot of stages to grief. One of them, that is hard to admit is anger. It’s OK to be angry with him. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. That feeling will pass and you will go onto another. I am so sorry. My prayers are with you. I wish I could give you a real big hug right now.

It will just happen when you don’t expect it. My best friend committed suicide when I was your age and I will find myself mourning when something small reminds me of her. Suicide is awful to have to deal with. Like Judi said you will be angry among other things and you will also be angry at other people as well and feel guilty. Sorry for your loss and good luck.

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are mourning him but you’re just in a different phase of grief. Coping with a loss is hard enough but a suicide brings up even more stuff to deal with. Just let yourself feel what you’re feeling and be gentle on yourself if it changes. My heart goes out to you.

So very sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age.
Talk to a grief counselor and/or a therapist.
I had a friend who found his father, after his father committed suicide and it affected him throughout his entire life.
Get help now tho, talk it all out. It may take a while, but do it. You owe it to yourself.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. When my brother committed suicide, I was very confused as to how to feel just as you probably are now. There are so many stages we go through with our grief. We are stunned because we can’t believe our loved one is really gone, then we can’t beleive how or why they left us the way they did. At some point we wonder if there is something we could have done to prevent them taking their life, and at another there is some anger mixed in with the guilt we feel.

The main thing to remember is to allow yourself to feel what you feel, and don’t think you “should” feel a certain way. Don’t be hard on yourself, or think there is something you should do or feel. My heart breaks for you. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk.

That’s your psyche functioning to keep you from falling apart. Trust this. Trust it. And talk. Scamp is a great person to talk to (I’ve needed her too). And talk when you feel it’s time, not when someone else (like me!) tells you to…

loving you from far away

shc

First of all, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Losing anyone is not easy, especially a parent.
Second, have you been to any kind of counseling? I would strongly suggest it for you.
I know you’re probably still in a state of shock and awe. It may take a while for it to really sink in that your dad is gone. Give yourself that time to heal. Sometimes people don’t deal with the hurt right away. Write a goodbye letter to him. Tell him everything you want to – maybe how you will miss him, special times you had, things you never got to tell him, say how you’re hurting. It may help to get that all out.

You may feel like you’re forgetting him because you aren’t crying, but you won’t forget him. The memories you have can’t be erased.

Wonderseph had a great idea about writing. Write him a letter, but also, journal. It helps you keep your thoughts in perspective and it will also help you a great deal in the coming months and years as you try to figure out how you process this stuff. Your emotions will fluctuate from grief, to anger, to warm memories, to sadness, to even hilarious laughter (if my experience is any indication) in the next several months. Being able to look back and see how far you have come will be very healing for you in the future.

My husband killed himself about a year and a half ago and I held him as he died. There was a mix of tears and shock due to the extreme trauma. I realized right away that I would not be able to get through this alone. I found an amazing grief counselor who has been amazing and has helped me along this personal journey of grief and healing. The thing she impressed upon me is that this is a personal journey and that there are no set rules or timetables. I started keeping a journal where I would write things to my husband- at first it was filled with grief and lonliness and then gradually happy things occurred that I wanted him to know about so i would write those stories- most pertained to our daughter. For me going to the gravesite with a blanket, my journal and music was helpful. I would talk to him as I wrote and listened to the music. Basically I opened myself up to the emotions and let them come. My real healing tears came about 6 months after he died when i went home to arizona- i had cried alot before that. they will come when it is time you can’t really force it. I agree with others and from personal experience I would recommend a grief counselor- someone that lets you just talk things out and is there to offer support and suggestions. She also worked with my doctor so that we could make sure that I took care of myself- i lost alot of weight initially and had to work at eating. Please make sure you take care of yourself. I also belong to an online support group for young widows due to suicide for times when I need to talk things out with people that have been in similar circumstances and we help each other alot. It makes us realize we are not alone and the advice we give each other is invaluable. If you ever need please feel free to send a personal message. God Bless You at this difficult time.