Does it ever happen that two people with personal problems get married with the idea of providing mutual support?

Do you mean just about any issue? Mental issues?

On my biological father’s side of the family I have an Aunt (bipolar) that married a man (also bipolar) for this very reason. They figured that together, they could make things work. After 4 very bumpy years, they divorced. It was too much. Then again, they also said that with a “non-bipolar” person, they weren’t sure that wither of them could have been married that long. They are still friends.

I don’t know. I would hope there would be more to the marriage than just to support each others personal problems. I’m sure, though, there are people that got married for less of a reason than this…and made it work.

cak, That was exactly the kind of thing I had in mind. I am glad to see that they remained friends. And I don’t think that this is such a bad reason for getting married. I can think of far worse.

@LostinParadise – make no mistake, it was painful, for all parties, involved. When I say they are still friends, that was with work. If you are considering this, just please, be very careful. :)

Sure. A pair of folks I know married as a solution to their personal problems. Not to get into it too deeply here, but it was a great solution for them. Honestly, their problems were actually solved by getting married and staying that way for a few years. Then they divorced and are still friends. It’s different from your situation—they didn’t have mental illnesses, but they married for purely functional reasons nonetheless.

I am sure people with problems marry all the time. After all, we all have problems on some level. It can be very mutually beneficial, especially if the two people have different problems. For instance, I wouldn’t suggest that someone with a drinking problem marry another drunk – thats a recipe for disaster. They may have the idea of beating this thing together, but they would more likely drag each other down.

I have heard from people that have been married for a long time that their spouse makes them whole. My wife is very different than me I am a square she is a circle. Many times we rely on each other for a balance.

One of the components of a long lasting relationship is realizing that your partner isn’t perfect but you love them anyway.

I know two people like this. They get by, but I wouldn’t say they are as happy. They seem to have non-complementary “issues” and lifestyle preferences and it just seems like there is no easiness or playfulness to their interactions. However, both are about to turn 60 and I think the amount of work and hard questions it would take for them to shed their problems would be just about insurmountable at this point. Since they seem to both know this on some level, I predict they’ll stay together. Needless to say, I’m glad I’m not them. But who knows where I’ll be in three decades. Good question.

I’m sure it happens. Depends on the ‘issues’ I would suppose.
It’s easier to lose weight when someone is there with you. It would be easier to quit smoking when you have support on a daily basis. I think a lot would depend on the ppl involved and the seriousness of the issue. Two suicidal ppl together? Not so sure about that one.

My husband and I didn’t get married in order to support each other’s problems, but we went into it knowing about each other’s problems. As it was my second marriage and his third, we’d already done rounds with those who attempted to change us, did not accept us as is, and generally made our lives miserable. Older and wiser this time around, we were very upfront about our faults – and the fact that we were unlikely to change. Acceptance is key. It has worked beautifully.

i think it’s quite common, and works successfully.
my sister and her husband’s main reason for getting married (so soon, at least) was for the support. i mean, they’ve loved eachother to death forever, but one was in a nasty mess with divorce/finance/law, and the other one was just floating along fine in his little parent-protected bubble. they got married this summer, and it’s going fantastically so far.

my boyfriend are both together right now mainly for the same reason. we are eachother’s support. we make eachother complete.

The reality I recognize is that a person attracts others that are just as healthy…or not healthy as oneself. So if you want to attract someone healthier, more secure, more stable, then work on becoming more healthy all by yourself. I hope this helps.

In my bipolar group is a couple that met at the group. I don’t know how long they’ve been together, but it could be a long time. They live in the same apartment building, but on separate floors. They get together for meals, but as each requires a lot of time alone, particularly during certain moods, they get a lot of time alone. I do not believe they are married, but I think they are in it for the long haul.

The advantages are that they can support each other, and as long as they aren’t both having an episode at the same time, they can be the primary support person for the other.

They also get to be with someone who totally understands what you’re going through, and that is an amazing thing. Having shared that kind of experience is a bond—well I can’t begin to describe what it means.

Another advantage is that they can both be odd, or smart, or fanatical in similar ways. I’ve heard more than a few bipolar folk say denigrating things about the intelligence of mundanes (to borrow an sf term). They feel absolutely comfortable and secure that they won’t be talking over the heads of people in the bipolar group. So I would imagine that a couple could keep up with each other that way, too.

Of course, the disadvantes are there, too. One of them is if you both do have an episode at the same time. You can probably keep setting each other off, whether it’s mania or depression. It helps that they have the support of the group, too.

There are challenges to a relationship with someone who isn’t ill, too. Perhaps the biggest is explaining one’s behavior. Bipolar logic can seem terribly illogical to people without the disorder. But that’s another story.

Is such a relationship being considered?

What you say is very encouraging. I suffer from clinical depression and I do not believe that a relationship with someone who is normal would be possible.

When I first was diagnosed, I had the impression that two people with the same mental illness getting together would be a very bad idea. But that was before I knew how much one could learn about the disease, and how many tricks we play on ourselves that we can point out in others.

So maybe it could make sense. There are times when I wish my wife could get it more fully as well as times when I get frustrated. These happen mostly when I’ve been being mean to her—she believes that I’m being mean because I really want to separate, not because I’m so depressed I can’t let her be with someone like me.

It’s so tricky, because the logic of the world is different when I’m depressed than when I’m not. Yet the impact of what I do when I’m depressed lingers on into the time when I’m well. It’s hard for people who haven’t experienced it to tell when our personalities have changed, or changed back. It all seems so continuous, and there’s no obvious flip point. Inside, of coure, it’s absolutely clear. Unpleasant. But clear.