Is it possible for a married person to have a friend of the opposite sexwithout the other partner wondering what's really going on?

Missed the space, sorry.

THAT example sounds fishy.
However, as a rule, I’m not involved with anyone who can’t trust me to continue or gain friendships. My love, loyalty and morals are not to be swayed by an outsider. If I ever felt that way, I wouldn’t even think of possibily fantasizing of a peck without taking a good hard look at myself.

Not everyone is the same. It depends on the person, I think it’s possible. But not probable.

Completely depends on the people involved. If one is totally above-board about the relationship, and there is a great deal of transparency (ie: The wife could drop by at any time, and be welcomed) it can be fine. Any hint of sneaking around, or keeping secrets would be a deal breaker for me.

Like the others said, depends on the people and situation.
If the situation makes the wife come to that conclusion, the husband ought to cool things regardless of how innocent the friendship is.

I think it depends on a few things. First, is the guy given to having a lot of female friends in the first place? and second, does the woman he’s choosing to befriend have a life of her own outside of work? I have a friendship with a guy that started when I was young, that has continued through 3 common employers and 25 years. But, we don’t live next to each other. We’re friends but not buddies.

In the situation above, it sounds like perhaps the the co-worker is making a play for the guy. Women are pretty good at picking up vibes from other women.

No, it is not possible. The other party will always wonder what is going on.

Nope. Not possible. Sadly, I know from first hand experience.

Yes, platonic friendships outside of marriage can and do work.

Is this a platonic friendship?
Is she a new co-worker?

”...The hubby often helps his co-worker with home improvement projects,...”
Is his helpfulness taking time from his own home improvement projects?
Is it cutting into time the husband had agreed to spend with wife/family?

”...and has been known to enjoy a cocktail with her….”
Like: before, during and/or after the home improvement project work?; or after work on the way home?; or just dropping by for the cocktail?

If it was a truly platonic relationship, the wife should be encouraged to be an active participant in the friendship and activities thereof.

An either/or ultimatum will be difficult to enforce simply because they are co-workers.

It’s all about intuition and truthfulness, isn’t it? You can’t have a marriage without exercising those All. The. Time.

Tell me, is this off-thread or not? : Go Obama!

My husband and I have a rule. He has no female friends who are beter friends with him than they are with me and I have no male friends that are better friends with me than they are with him.

Three comments-
I have been married for 25 years and maintained friendships with a few women well until we were married 11 years and moved out of state. I even visited the woman I was dating before I met my wife, at her home in the Rockies a few years ago, of course I had my 15 year old son with me for whatever its worth. And she knew about the stop we were going to be making,
The key here is that if my wife gets upset or uncomfortable with any friendship I have in or out of work, that friendship is over. Sexual jealousy is one of the strongest and least rational emotions that we are capable of.
And my marriage is not worth any friendship or relationship or even e-mail exchange, if she has a problem with it. I don’t tell her to wait it out, I don’t try to prove her wrong, the resentment that this could engender might go on for a long time, whether deserved or not, and it is just not worth it.

The other key point.—if the husband is spending too much time with the colleague, either accompany him the next time he is helping with her household projects or invite her to dinner with hubby and the kids. This will clarify for this woman exactly what she kind of territory she is entering and I don’t believe that anyone sets out to be a housebreaker.

Last point,—issuing the ultimatum is not always a good idea. If he of the type that doesn’t like to be told what to do, he gravitates to the new buddy. If he looks at the situation and stays with his wife, resentment of being forced into it may lead to (once again) resentment that will not dissipate.

Better to tell him what you are going to do, and he can act accordingly

SRM

fluve to you susanc, just for the “go Obama” line. ;-)

NO! If they had been good friends for a long time ~ yes! But if the husband just got to know her and now they are good friends ~ NO! I put my money on that there will be more to it before you know it!

if it’s truly nothing to be jealous of, the other woman should be offering for the wife to join them, and should encourage her friendship. the husband should be asking his wife to join them when she wants to. if it’s nothing but platonic, the wife’s participation should be welcomed by both the husband and the other woman any time. if the husband doesn’t do chores for his wife, for example if the wife has been asking him to help her around the house, and he doesn’t but goes to the other woman’s house and helps her out, then i’d be jealous, too, if i were the wife. if it has gotten to the point where the wife is saying it’s her or me, and he insists that he goes to his “friend’s” house, then he’s letting the wife know something.