How do you deal with a close talker?

Language barrier is also indicative of cultural differences. In my travels I found asain cultures to have extremely different notions of personal space – you know how when waiting in line at the grocery store or bank, we tend to keep a good 5ft or so of space between ourselves and the next person? In many places that is just a space for another body, and somebody will snap it up and slide right in without thinking twice about it. Really I can’t tell you how many times I lost my place in line because of MY cultural perception that personal space is a public “politeness” or manners.

In your case, while I’m sure this comes off as extremely annoying to you, I bet she has no idea but would appreciate a pointer. Perhaps try to approach as if you were in the reverse situation – how would you like to be approached about making a “cultural blunder”, that you have been committing for quite some time now? Maybe the next time she comes up to you say something like, “You know ____, I really enjoy our conversations, but it makes me uncomfortable that you stand so close to me.” Or depending in your sense of humor style you might be able to pull off a joke about it – but given the communication barrier a straightforward conversation or email is probably your best bet.

Thanks, I’ll try it. But even the most simple conversations she tends to shoosh me and just run off saying okokok! I know a lot of our interns (all are asians due to a work program we have) have similar habits. It’s just hard to have a serious conversation with her because of the runing off. I think I just asked to reconfirm what I already knew I should do, le sigh. Gotta light a fire under my ass somehow. Hopefully she doesn’t misunderstand me and things don’t go south. :) Thanks.

Be a bitch about it. Tell her she is not allowed within 3 feet of your face. If she violates your space again throw your hand up and say “Space violation back 3 feet or this conversation is over. Obviously being nice and dropping hints isn’t working. Embarrass her a couple of times and I bet she will make more of an effort to give you your personal space.

People are always so suprised that I know what a close talker is. I’m older than most people who would understand the reference. How cool am I?

Sneeze on her one time. See if that helps. :0)

Try inviting her to sit down. While you are seated you might have a table or desk between you but you would have at least a couple of feet distance when you are face to face because she won’t want to play kneesies.

@buster: Maybe that would work if in general we didn’t get along. Regardless I don’t think I could, I’m generally nice to people unless there is a bigger problem.

@galileo: The way our office is set up makes that impossible, she sneaks up behind me and leans over me. But your suggestion got me thinking…I could move some supplies around a create a great wall of ficus and post-its!

@autumn: Next time I feel that tickle – it’s on.

Wow, I can’t remember the last time I saw a posy-it wall.

lean in for a kiss.

Simple, Eat Lots Of GARLIC, it worked for me… but I ate too much.. I don’t want to talk about it… ...

I say just eat a whole lot of garlic and then get real close to her when you talk.

Maybe showing people what bothers you about them will help…of course it doesn’t seem to be doing much for tinyfaery at the moment.

I would love to see a picture of a post-it wall.

EDIT: melonking beat me to the garlic idea

@fireside… that’s what I said… sort of..

@melonking – I was in the middle of typing and didn’t see your post

I’ve never seen a posy-it wall either, I’ll look into it. Thanks for the great suggestion!

@fireside: Clever catch. ;)

Oh.. funny we both had the same idea. They should add a “There has been a new post since you started writing, you may want to edit your post” pop up, then all this silliness would never happen.

@asmonet, Maybe start gesturing a lot with your hands when you talk? That way she’ll have to back away or get poked?

Seriously, perhaps explain it to her over lunch or e-mail when you have some space between you, and then demonstrate what she does? An explain it not as a personal problem, but that many people Americans have a problem with people getting so close, and that while Asians are used to it, lots of Americans find it to be rude.

I deal with it….MY FAMILY’S WAY!!

This is now a science, called Proxemics, which deals with the cultural differences in personal space and non-verbal communications.

Rules for Personal Space in the U.S.
. ...How far away do people stand during different types of conversations? Have you ever heard of the American “bubble?” Most Americans feel most comfortable when people keep an arms-length away during conversations.Personal distance, which is the space between colleagues during a normal conversation, is usually about 20 to 36 inches. If the person is not well known to us,we will stand from 2 to 4 feet away during a conversation.

I think that you will have to tell her in a friendly manner, perhaps sandwiched between some compliments or questions about her culture.

Some cultures like to breathe each others’ breath, garlic or not.

Another fantastic answer from Gail. :)

Place your foot on the opposite knee, and extend the knee forward which will create a 3 ft space between you and her….this works like a charm

I’ve had the same problem with a coworker. After weeks of being stalked backwards in slow motion (sometimes I would try to picture what a time lapse video would look like), I finally expressed my discomfort to her. Unfortunately, it was such an ingrained behavior for her, she couldn’t recognize it when it happened. I finally had to just say to her “Stop!” or “Back up!” and she would realize that we were in the slo-mo dance again. I always worried that I would hurt her feelings or offend her, but she seemed to take it in good grace.

whew! just had a greek salad with onions, feta cheese and oil and vinegar with peppers and olives. people do talk too closely. why, i don’t know. i am always conscious about my breath factor because i am a garlic and onion freak, so i keep conversations at a functional distance. why people want to talk so closely is beyond me. if you are not my wife, please dont get in my face about today’s work plans. we can conquer the day together at a safe distance.