Anyone want to help with my college essay?

sure. i’ll look at it.

edit – it’s also a good idea to post the topic of the college essay on this thread.

I knew what was coming. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I prepared myself for the challenge that lay ahead. This was my opportunity; I was going to finally do it. I took a sharp breath in, my shortness of breath was not from the physical exertion of peddling, but from anxiety spinning around my yellow helmet. I knew I was almost at the top, and I tried to stay calm as I slowed the fight against gravity. I saw my parents shift their gears higher, the clicking indicated that the time had come. I didn’t want to go faster, I liked the uphill pace: slow, steady, controlled. As we reached the top of the hill, I put on my breaks, the small gentle slope ahead grew to a steep cliff in my mind. I looked down, I wasn’t ready; the sun was too hot, I was too tired, my shoelaces weren’t double knotted. My mind was making every excuse I could think of to not go down the hill. I hesitated, and then yet again, surrendered to my cowardly excuses. I dismounted the two-wheeler and walked down the hill, disappointed and wearing a grimace of shame. Trudging down the challenge on my slow and dependable feet.
Though at some point between my seventh and seventeenth birthday I learned how to conquer the precarious downhill while still on my bicycle, I would still describe myself as someone who carefully considers the endeavors taken on, but sometimes, regardless of how hard you try to keep the brakes on, sometimes life throws you down a hill.
Up until last week, I did not know that a cliff of this height existed. Up until last week, my bicycle always had training wheels, my dad. Everyone always thought of him as being dependable in his commitments to his work, his friends, his family. But ironically, he abandoned me.

o.k. send it over!

what are we to do with it?

if you could just offer advice about how to finish or revise it, anything really I’m just extremely stuck!

“And here is what life is like, without the training wheels:...”

What are the requirements for the assignment? It is hard to help you get where you are a going without knowing what the goal is.

In your personal statement, you want to present yourself in a personal and positive light. This essay has a nice narrative voice, and you present yourself as a humble and thoughtful person. But, you also describe yourself as cowardly or avoidant.

You allude to something tragic happening with your father. I don’t know how you would plan to end the essay, but I hope you find a way to highlight your strength and/or courage. You want the admissions officers to see you as someone who will rise to challenges and succeed in life.

A thought: perhaps you are ambivalent about going off to college. It’s fine if you are, but you don’t want to let your negative feelings emerge in this personal statement. It’s personal, but it’s not therapy :)