Relationship, college, transferring colleges, etc?

NO of course not!

I went through a similar situation when I went to college. I expected it to be all parties and meeting new people (of both sexes) but I ended up being very lonely. It only made it worse that my boyfriend was back at home.

The most important thing is that you tried it. Going away to college is not for everyone. Each person has to do what is right for them. Aside from making you happier, you will probably do much better in school if you are settled and happy in your personal life.

I hope this little bit of insight helps…your story reminded me a lot of my own. = )

I think JSC’s got it. You tried going away, you aren’t happy, and honestly it isn’t like you’re leaving school for your boyfriend. You’re transferring and you’ll be closer to him, but it’s also for you and you are staying in school.

It’s not right or wrong in the abstract. It’s only a problem if you weight it too heavily in your considerations (or, if you don’t weight it enough).

If you’re young enough to be a traditional college freshman, then you’re in a phase of your life where you should be exploring, and it sounds like you are. (Sometimes the point of exploring is to find all the things we don’t like, so we can avoid them later.) This means it’s especially critical that your boyfriend should be someone you can explore with, and not someone that you need to make huge sacrifices for.

In this case, it sounds like you tried something, it didn’t work, and now you’re trying something else that, as a positive side effect, will bring you closer to your boyfriend. As long as he’s letting you grow and explore, and you’re letting him grow and explore, there’s nothing wrong with that.

@ cwilbur – I am in complete agreement. The boyfriend thing should just be an added bonus, and defnitely cannot be the sole reason you are deciding to move home.

You need to do what is right for you.

I personally, however, don’t think three months is enough time to decide if the school is right for you. I speak from the place of moving 3,000 miles from my family at 17 to go to college when I had never been away from home before. I was horribly lonely in the beginning. I think you should give it a full school year. Try to remember why you wanted to go away to school (easy to forget when you are sad and lonely).

About the boyfriend. To me, the idea that he “might be doing bad things” without you does not make for a healthy relationship. It sounds like a dependent relationship and not one that is particularly good for you. He needs to find his own way in life and be able to stay away from the “bad things” from his own conviction.

Look, change is hard. This is a very big change in your life. As such, you need to give yourself more time to adjust. Change also is the opportunity for growth. You know what it is like where you came from. It is like a wide, clear favorite shortcut through the woods. How about giving this new life some time to become comfortable? Yes, right now it feels like you are hacking your way through the undergrowth, but as you continue to travel it, it can become familiar and even dear.

Think about making what time you do have in Chicago count and not just be marking time until you go home. It is a wonderful city full of museums and neighborhoods, art and music. Sightsee.

Is there anything you particularly like that could form the basis for meeting like-minded new people? Are you a movie buff? Is there a film group on campus? Did you do drama in high school? Or music?

Remember, you can always choose to go home. You will not always have the chance that college away from home gives you.

Take care. Think carefully. Do what is right for you.

Do what you have to do for you and you only, not based on other’s influence in your own life, if you want to go back home, do it because you have a strong reason to do it, not only because you love a person, remember love is as strong as the sun but as inconstant as the moon, don’t do something you might regret in the long term :)

A coworker’s son ended up transferring back to a state school from DePaul; and is loving being back in state, but he’s not living at home. I would do it for yourself, and not factor your boyfriend into the decision. Have you worked out what your living arrangement would be? Will you be back home with your parents? If so, what will that be like? If you’re not living at home, will your parents pay your rent, or will you have to get a job? Working and going to school makes it less likely that you will graduate in 4 years. Lots of people go away to school, and discover that it’s not what they thought it would be. And with the cost of out-of-state schools these days, if you aren’t 100% sold on a school for a particular reason, then you might as well attend a school in your home state, and go out-of-state for the last two years, or grad school.

I totally agree with Marina. It takes a long time to find the right group in college, especially when you are in a larger university. Three months is definitely not long enough to make a decision. I am very concerned about you needing to take care of your boyfriend to keep him out of his bad habits. He needs to be able to do that on his own—I also sense some codependency. I understand that can be very hard to have them away—my boyfriend who I met freshman year transferred after our sophomore year and it was really hard, but the long distance didn’t work and he ended up seeing someone else. If there are other things drawing you home, you should consider it, but I think your boyfriend should be a minimal factor in your decision——chances are the relationship will not last as long as your years of college. We change and grow a great deal in our early twenties and you will likely be looking for something else after a year or so.

My daughter loves the U of M ! She start going there at 16/senior in high school as a full time PSEO student. I say go for it – you can’t go wrong! There is something for everyone.

One more thing to consider though is that the school I am at now is on a quarter system and the U is on semesters so, other than placement tests and maybe the english classes that I have taken here very very few of my credits will be transferring. I think that I would take classes over the summer to catch up though. I am just so unhappy here, if there’s a place where I would be better off I might as well be there.
@ Dandy, I know a lot of people who went to the U for PSEO and absolutely loved it. That’s great!

If you are that unhappy, then go ahead and transfer. Just try not to drop out of school!

If you’re very unhappy there, definitely go ahead and get the transfer process started, but keep in mind that maybe your negative attitude about being there is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go around with the mindset of hating it there… it will be hard to enjoy yourself and make friends, because you will keep thinking about how much you hate it! It can take bravery to make the best out of a new situation.

Most people don’t stay with their high school boyfriend all the way through college… it might be tough to be apart, but your education and goals should come first. (Anyway, why are women usually the one to move for a relationship? Maybe he could come to Chigago.) Since you’ll still have to be there for the rest of the year, you should try to make the best of it while you’re there. You’re still really new if you’ve only been there for three months, and it can be hard to meet people, so you should start by joining common interest groups and try taking an elective class or two just for fun. Even though the schools are on different class schedules, most of your classes will still probably transfer over. A credit is a credit; it just sounds like you are taking condensed versions of many of your classes. Chicago is a huge and awesome city and there are probably tons of great things to do here that you don’t have at home. You probably feel like a fish out of water right now, but everyone feels that way after a big move all by themselves. Things like this build character and help you become an adult, and you will probably meet tons of interesting people here that you wouldn’t have met at home. You should give it a chance!