How to make up for a mistake?
Today I made a mistake, a huge mistake. It was purely an accident and not caused by carelessness, it was just a confluence of events. Anyway, because of my mistake someone else is suffering. I feel horrible about it and have apologized, even though it truly was just an accident. No one has been physically harmed, this person is just going to have to go through some trials for the next couple of days because of it. What do you do when you feel like sorry isn’t enough?
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10 Answers
Generally when I make a mistake I try to make the person as whole as possible (make the outcome the same as if the mistake hadn’t happened) and short of that I try to at least go through whatever they now need to along with them. At least then you’re supportive and there is usually a way to help along the way.
So for example if you get someone a speeding ticket, you go to defensive driving with them and then maybe buy them some dinner afterwards.
Do whatever you can to make the trials they go through in the next couple days as easy as possible.
and flowers never hurt if that someone is female
Sounds like you should be the best friend you can for the next few weeks.
show the person you have learned from your mistake, and walk with them as they live with the consequences of YOUR actions.
You have to forgive yourself. Some people aren’t too keen on the forgiving thing and it sounds like it was an honest mistake. You have a right to be wrong and make mistakes. It sounds like you are suffering with them which seems a fair price to pay. Just help overcome the trials they must now face. (If at all possible.) Be there in the end ready to give hugs if neccessary. Maybe take the person out for a day just to get a breath of fresh air. I know for me money would be an issue, so maybe just go for a walk or have a movie night. Make the person dinner… I know that’s always nice. Just don’t let the person take advantage of you though.
What has been the response so far from “someone else”? Anger? Forgiveness? Resignation? Avoiding you?
Your next action would surely depend on that response. Helping that person through the consequences of your action sounds like the best advice- if you are allowed to do that.
@greylady, so far the response has been avoidance for the most part, I know they’ll be ready to talk eventually, just not yet. That is why I am having a hard time too, I want to fall all over myself apologizing and trying to fix the problem, but I know that really isn’t possible, and for the time being at least I have to keep my distance.
In that case, I think you have done what you can do; unless you can make the consequences easier on them somehow. Going overboard with more apology could make the person think that it really was all your fault. Since it was an accident, I think it may be just as well to let it go for now. When the person is ready to talk, that is the time to make a full explanation and discuss what you can do together to make amends.
Ooooooooohhhhh, what happened? I wanna know!
@SuperMouse Ouch! The avoiding, although understandable, is painful. There is one thing you could do that might not be too intrusive. You could reiterate your sincere apology and your offer to do whatever can be done in writing. Then say that when and if they would like to talk about the situation further, you are available.
Sometimes the extra effort and the formality of a written apology can have more meaning. Also, when people are upset, they sometimes cannot even take in the apology when you are saying it. If it is written, when they are ready, they can read it again.
Hang in there.
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