Read/opinions on my essay?

You might want to paste this in a word processor or something else with a spelling checker—there are a few errors. Also, I believe for such assignments you’re not supposed to use contractions, i.e. “were not” instead of weren’t. That’s just at first sight, I don’t really feel like reading it through thoroughly right now and I think you’d better first read it through yourself once again to remove any errors you might spot, so it reads easier. If it reads easier, it’s easier to judge the actual content.

What does the catalog or the application say about the “personal essay”? How is that worded? What do they say they want there?

I think the emotion is good, but the tone might be wrong for a college essay.

There was a big let down when you got off the bike at the end of the first paragraph, and that shouldn’t be your focus. Admissions will be looking at the essay and may be thinking that you won’t get to the top of the college hill either before even continuing to read further.

You’ve got the right feeling, just accentuate the positive and simply acknowledge the negative. Begin with a story about the triumphant first ride down the hill and then compare it to your current experience. Somewhere in there, you can acknowledge that there is no longer the luxury of walking down the hill.

Other than that, best wishes.

Made some spelling and grammar edits, any help would be very much appreciated!

I knew what was coming. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I prepared myself for the challenge that lay ahead. This was my opportunity; I was going to finally do it. I inhaled sharply, dizzy not from the physical exertion of peddling, but from the anxiety spinning inside my yellow helmet. I was almost at the top; I tried to stay calm as I slowed the fight against gravity. I watched as my parents shifted their gears higher, the clicking indicated that the time had come. I didn’t want to go faster-I liked the uphill pace: slow, steady, controlled. As we reached the top of the hill, I put my breaks on; the small gentle slope ahead grew into a steep cliff in my mind. I looked down, I wasn’t ready; the sun was too hot, I was too tired, my shoelaces weren’t double knotted. Repeating every excuse I could think of to avoid going down the hill. I hesitated, and then, yet again surrendering to my cowardly excuses I dismounted the two-wheeler and walked down the hill.
It was never taking on a challenge that frightened me-as a cross-country runner, I have always has the strength and endurance to get up any hill; what I was scared of was the loss of control that happens when a challenge took me on. When I was seven I could dismount and walk, but sometimes you don’t get that choice. When life throws you down a hill, taking on the challenge is not optional, it is inevitable. In the last few weeks, what I’ve learned is that not only can I climb up any hill, but now, I can get down them too.
Sometimes life throws you down a hill, and you don’t have the choice of dismounting. That’s what happened last week, when my dad, who had always been my training wheels, who had kept me centered and safe, died. I am spiraling downhill with confusion, wondering why this happened, and fearful of what is to come. I grip the handlebars in sadness and feel the shock that rings from the bell. Right now, the ride feels unbearable, and part of me wants to take a break, but I know I must stay on. Right now, I am speeding down the hill, and although it’s just as terrifying as when I was seven, I’m still on my bike. What I have learned in between my seventh and seventeenth birthday is how to keep myself steady, center my emotions, and prove to myself that I can keep going forward, I might need to change my path, and take a slightly different route, but I am proving to myself that I will keep on pedaling. I can keep myself safe; my training wheels have been taken off. What I have realized is that can I do it, I have the ability to deal with this challenge.
I remember the first time I rode my bike to the bottom of the hill, wearing my yellow helmet. After the initial shock of completing the mission that I had tried to tackle for so long, I noticed that I was okay. I had done it, and I was still there, still on the bike. That is how I feel now, though I was thrown down a hill larger than any I have ever dealt with, I’m still here. And though in these past days it hasn’t always felt true, I’m going to get through this. I’m at the bottom, but in time I will be okay, I will push myself up the next hill, and if I have to, I will fly down the other side. And I will keep on going.

The first pedaling is mispelled, you have ‘peddling’ which means selling something. Software won’t find that one because it is a real word. You spelled it correctly later in the text.

I don’t have any college admission experience. I liked the essay: a very good read! It does need a little more organization and focus.

I have a small suggestion. List the qualities that you think the college is looking for. Then ask yourself how you can point out those qualities in yourself in this essay. Then go through the essay and add a sentence here and there and take out the sentences that don’t support the list of qualities. It sounds hard, but I am sure it will only take a few minutes with an essay this size. I hope this helps.

I am willing to read it and assist as many times as you post it!