Would it be possible for Superman to knock up Lois Lane?
Asked by
AstroChuck (
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)
November 10th, 2008
from iPhone
Forget for the moment that he’s an alien and wouldn’t be likely to share the same number of chromosomes. I’m wondering if, with his super strength, would intercourse kill Lois? Would the velocity of, well, you know, blow a hole in her uterus? Or do you think he can control his strength, even with involuntary actions? And if Superman can fly and is virtually indestructable, what threat would his “seed” be? Would Superman’s DNA fly around blowing holes in everything and causing mass hysteria? And if he could somehow impregnate her would Superbaby kill Mommy by kicking his/her way out?
These are important questions. I’ve heard some of these before and am just wondering what the collective thinks.
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33 Answers
Isn’t it lovely how quickly we’ve moved on from the angst of politics to the more important things in life?
I would have to think that, Superman, ever the paragon of self-control, would use every precaution at his disposal to mitigate any damage to the lovely Lois.
Perhaps some kind of latex/kryptonite hybrid condom might make lovemaking possible. Of course that wouldn’t really answer my question.
Are you JackAdams?
On a more serious note, I think the idea of impregnating Lois would be possible, there’s no telling what the offspring could do. Once a fetus, it would be something to worry about. Maybe she could drink Krypto-Milk to keep it inactive.
Ha! There’s actually a theory about how the Flash jerking off would pretty much stop the earth’s rotation, or speed it up—depending.
Haven’t you heard of pulling out, Chuck? The baby would probably just smite all the kids in pre-k for taking the Legos. That’s what homeschooling is for. I doubt the baby would harm Lois as Superman gets that funky high from the yellow sun, if she has a star in her uterus, this would be possible.
A kryptonite condom!? Are you kidding me, Chuck? Think of the pain of blue balls and a kick in the crotch, yes, let’s apply poison directly to the man’s penis and see how in the mood he is. That sounds more like non surgical castration than a contraceptive device.
I need to take a step back from my nerd hobbies for a few days, don’t I?
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t think Lois would go near him in a sexual way. The term “man of steel” would be quite put-offish for me. Steel? Cold, hard steel. Nuh-na. Not for me. Ever heard of a steel dildo? Me either.
waiting for first person to come up with a link for steel dildos
@Suanne: I’ve heard of a gold one
Ha! You beat me. There’s also one that Victoria Beckham owns that’s made of platinum or some shit.
Wow. This thread went south fast.
Hmm. Now I’m wondering if they are constantly replacing urinals at the Daily Planet.
someone watching mallrats?
Dude, this post has Mallrats written all over it :D
But, no she wouldn’t survive. The cumshot would take her head off. The only woman who could survive is Wonder Woman, unless he was wearing a kryptonite condom, which may kill him.
Larry Niven ruminated on this exact subject, with some very interesting and somewhat graphic observations.
Three words: indestructible, transsonic sperm.
I heard the biggest problem is that he was faster than a speeding bullet.
Did someone say that already?
I’m probably the only person who never saw Mallrats.
@robmandu- I’ve read tons of Larry Niven but never saw that. I did, however, read an old interview of Harlan Ellison where he posed a couple of those questions (chiefly, the supersperm part) that I asked.
I didn’t see it either, and have no desire to do so.
Clark (Superman) and Lois are married right now in the comics. While it (naturally) hasn’t been shown on panel, one can safely assume they’re doing the horizontal mambo.
Lois not only appears unhurt – but rather happy. Super indeed.
Unless her girl parts are made of kryptonite I think there is a good chance of it happening. Men have historically attempted to “spread the seed” in almost every breathing, living being.
Superman isn’t some dope who doesn’t realize his own strength. Even I could crush a kitten’s head instead of petting it. I don’t crush the kitten because I do realize my own strength (much like I assume Superman does).
We do lots of things in our daily lives where we are required to move with delicate action. Why should Superman be above the delicate nuances of human interaction? Does he crush people’s hands during a handshake? If no, you’ve got assume he realizes enough of his own strength to make this possible.
I’m willing to bet Lois would let Superman know if it began to hurt. Also, as far as we know, Superman’s internals pretty much mirror a regular person’s. This means that there is nothing in his penis to speed up his ejaculation so as to make it’s speed deadly.
Could superbaby kill mommy? I’m not sure. I would assume that the baby is only about half as strong as superman and at least less likely to kill her then an actual full blood super baby. I’m inclined to think that baby would not kill her simply because the baby would need her to live. Usually, acting on genetic impulse, we don’t destroy that which keeps us alive.
If there were any question about the baby killing her, she could always keep krypotonite around in case of emergencies.
I do recall a Superman comic some years ago where Clark Kent was bowling with others from the Daily Planet. In order to keep things fair he had hypnotized himself to only display human strength. I don’t know if that would have worked with involuntary actions such as ejaculation. I just now remembered reading that.
@aanuszek1— Yes. Of course I’m JackAdams. But you knew that.
November 11, 2008. 10:11 AM PST
I think similar problems were faced by Samantha Stephens and little Tabitha. A caring and careful witch can teach her little witchlet how to interact well with others without turning them into inanimate objects.
Spoiler alert, for those that haven’t seen Superman II or Superman Returns.
He did knock up Lois Lane during his brief stint as a human in Superman II. Thus, a child was produced with a number of Superman’s strengths, minus his weakness to kryptonite, but subject to a number of humanly fragilities like asthma.
Oh man, I forgot this thread. :)
Win.
@Renaissance2K- Spoiler alert? Are you shittin’ me?
Superman Returns came out three years ago, and Superman II came out in 1980.
Spoiler alert- Darth Vader is Luke’s father.
@Ria777, and you sir have just (accidentally) plagiarized my quip… even to citing the exact same reference url.
I meant the plagiarism part seriously. AstroChuck pretty much paraphrases specific parts of the essay and even mostly raises the same points in the same order.
@Ria777- See my response to robmandu above.
Yes superman can have sex with lois lane and get her pregnant without harming her or using kryptonite. It has been shown that light from a red sun will make him powerless. Starlabs and Lexcorp both have developed artificial red sun lamps that take away his powers but do not hurt him like kryptonite. So there is your answer for how they can have sex without killing lois.
As far as the resulting baby superman came to earth as a baby and didn’t display any powers until years later.
No. When climaxing, he would blow her head off.
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