How do you maintain friendships over distance and time.

I have a dear friend who lives 2 time zones away. We’ve known each other since Kindergarten. We only talk a couple times a year, but when we do, it’s like we pick up where we left off. Another close friend was in first grade with us (we’re 42 now), and although he still lives close to me, we are also so busy with our lives that we rarely speak.

For us, our friendship is unconditional, so we don’t keep tabs on who called whom last or any of that other petty crap. That’s the key to maintaining any relationship… no judgements and no expectations.

For me, the key is to let go of expectations and not blame each other or be hurt when contact slips for a while. Instead, remember each other when you can and enjoy the catching up when you have the chance.

It is hard. Keep persevering. It’s ok if you talk less than you did, if you still enjoy it when it happens. When you’re the only one making the effort, that’s when it’s time to move on.

My sister (shout out to Gimmedat!) and I managed to maintain an extraordinarily close relationship for 13 years while we lived 1500 miles apart. We talked every single day. We exchanged emails. She knew what was going on in my life and I knew what was going on in hers. We succeeded because we were both committed to maintaining the bond we always had. Another thing we did, we always said “I love you” when we hung up the phone.

My ‘first’ best friend only lives about 60 miles away, but our lives have grown in such different directions that we very rarely talk…maybe once a year. When we do, we enjoy it, and always say “we’ve got to get together”, but we never really do. That said, if one of us really needed the other, we’d be there in a heartbeat. When I got re-married 3 years ago, she was there. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is maintained, just in a very ‘on the back burner’ kind of way.

I think it’s time to move on when one of you no longer puts in the effort to keep in touch. Having said that, you never know when you’ll both be reunited again. Space and time can be kind of funny in our lives. I just hooked up with friends from grade school, high school and beyond – some of them over 15 years since we communicated! You just never know if this precious friendship will be revived again, so keep the faith. Also: maybe one of you will move and you’ll someday be living nearby again. Ya just never know ;)

I wish I had proof-read better. Hate repeating myself arrghh