How would you handle this?

What do you want to have come out of this? What do you hope to accomplish? Do you want her to feel chastised or guilty? Do you want her to owe you one?

In the end, you can’t be responsible for others’ behavior, so the best approach is probably to let it go. Especially if you’re not surprised, especially if she forgets other people’s birthdays.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALENA! first of all! i hope it’s a good day in spite of all this!

now, getting down to business, i agree with cwilbur that it depends on what you want to gain.

i guess i differ a little in the approach i would take though.

-If you want her to take you out for drinks to celebrate or at least say the words “happy birthday”, tell her it’s your birthday now before it’s too late.

-If you just want to “call her on it” then you have to wait until your birthday’s over to say anything because technically she hasn’t forgotten it yet.

-If you want to be tactful and suffer in silence, then just don’t say anything ever, but you’ll probably continue to feel annoyed every time you think about her.

(I vote for option #1)

Nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m treating myself to birthday dinner tonight, do you want to come along?” You can’t change her ability to remember, but you CAN change your attitude towards it.Some people just have trouble focusing on little things. I forgot my Anniversary once, but that doesn’t mean I love my husband any less. You can feel resentful, or you can realize that it’s just a different personality type and not make her feel bad or awkward about it. In the end, your attitude is the only thing you have the power to control. Why not choose to have a Happy Birthday!!! We’re sending you Happy Birthday wishes!!! thanks for reminding me lol

Personally, I wouldn’t make a big issue of it. But that’s because I don’t really care if someone does or doesn’t remember my birthday. You mention in your post that you want to call her out on it. This seems to me to be a bit vindictive and ill-hearted. If I had a friend who called me out for not remembering their birthday, I would feel as if that person was very selfish and cared more about recognition of dates or acclaim than our friendship. Some people just don’t have a memory for dates, and it seems your ex is one of them. My partner is also one of them. I’ve come to understand that our brains just work in different ways.

Thanks to you four so far. She’s in another state, so we can’t celebrate together. It’s more that it hurts.. it’s just one of the ways in which she has shown herself to be selfish and not very thoughtful. In a weird way, it’s actually sort of helpful because it makes me see things more clearly; it helps me move on from the romantic part of our relationship and it also makes me really appreciate the woman I’m currently dating.

So, yeah, I suppose there are vindictive, ill-hearted feelings, and I guess my wanting to call her out is because I want her to feel bad. :\ Saying it like that, I agree it’s pretty selfish. I’m not sure I can sit on it, though.. I don’t want to harbor ill feelings toward her. I see now that I can wait until the right time and mention factually that it hurt my feelings because she forgot my birthday.

By the way, after it was too late to edit, I wanted to add that I didn’t post this to get birthday accolades.. I really wanted to hear some advice. :) But thank you, Judi!! :)

Call your ex and say…
AlenaD: Hey, happy birthday!
Ex: It’s not my birthday..
AlenaD: Oh really, cause I thought we had the same birthday…

A much more relaxed and sarcastic approach, but would still make her feel bad. And yes, it’s from the office, thank you Michael Scott.

Sad that even my children have to remind me when my grand children’s birthdays are. I am SO BAD about it. Everyone who knows me well knows that I really truly appreciate reminders. My daughter said the other day, Mom, you ARE Dory on finding Nemo!”

It’s perfectly understandable to want to hurt someone after they’ve hurt you. I know I’ve felt this way before. But I usually end up regretting hurting that person back. Sometimes it feels better to take the high road. As well, making decisions while being emotional often leads me to make snappy, not smart decisions. When I encounter situations like yours nowadays, I first try to shrug it off. If I’m still upset or hurt after a few weeks, then I will have a discussion with the person in an attempt to better our relationship. Most times though, I forget either the event or why I was upset, and life goes on drama-free.

Happy bday Alena!
Listen, a person (not going to mention the whole story again sorry) that is supposed to be super important in my life has forgotten my last 6 bdays, because bdays are not important to her, finaly this year she sent me an email for my bday, just to be forced to tell her that is next month… When a person does not remeber your bday doesn’t mean that the person does not love you, we have to face that, there are people in this world that just forget bdays…

Like me, and I’m a pretty nice person. I sent my mom flowers a month to early once.

Happy B-day, Alena!! Do something really fun for your b-day and then casually make mention of it in an email later. Write something like, “I went out with so-and-so (or I went to such-and-sucn-place for my b-day and it was awesome!”

@Alena, first and most importantly, Happy Birthday!!!

Second, she is your ex, and you need to move on. Some people will never be the people you want them to be, no matter how badly you want it. You are going to have to accept that remembering your birthday is not important to her. Don’t expect it. If she does remember, you can be pleasantly surprised. By the same token, it stops you from being obligated to remember hers. Which, if in the past you’ve made a big deal over it, the first time you let it pass without acknowledgment, she will remember.

Happy birthday! I hope you don’t feel too bad about your situation.

In your place, I’d probably feel hurt as well. It’s hard to let go when you’ve felt forgotten… it’s almost worse that feeling purposefully maligned. From my experience, it’s best to get your feelings out so as not to bottle them up inside.

You could simply say, “So I realize that you probably forgot, but it is my birthday today. How about some love?” For a more serious approach, you could try, “You know, I felt a little hurt today when you forgot to wish me a happy birthday.” Either way, make her aware that her ignorance hurt you. How else will you feel better about it?

Being rude or sarcastic would make the situation worse. While you may feel better immediately, you’d be souring the relationship with tinges of annoyance and snarkiness. Do you want to do that?

Happy b-day. And let me say, it’s not always a great idea that we keep in touch with our exes.

Happy Birthday, I wish huge slabs of cake and booze upon you!! ;)

Happy Birthday!

<< From someone who has to program in all birthdays into her phone reminders, EVEN HER CHILDREN’S! I just do not have a head for dates. I’ll even know that so and so’s birthday is the 17th. I will know that today is the 17th. I will still not make the connection! I missed many, many birthdays before I put reminders in my phone. All my people know this about me, and have come to accept it. Please know that it’s not necessarily about whether you are important or loved.

Happy Birthday! Don’t take it personally that she forgot… some people remember everyone’s birthdays and some people don’t even remember their own. But do take it as a sign that she is just not that into you anymore.