Why can't some women get orgasms from sex?

So far, I’ve been one of those women and I have not been able to figure out why I can’t. I actually asked a question about this not that long ago. People tried very hard to give me advice and most of it was good, but I’d already tried everything they suggested.

I don’t know why, but it sucks. Truly. As for the women who have orgasms during sex, no they don’t lie, they’re actually having them.

Sounds like SOMEBODY is a little jealous… :P

As far as I know, the science of female orgasms is still developing and very unknown. Though, it seems pretty simple when you get into the experimenting…

Just get to know your body, or your woman’s body, and learn how to create the maximum pleasure possible.

My girlfriend is one of those girls. It sucks.

But, to answer the question, I think in some cases women are just as defensive about their ability to orgasm as men are about the size of their penis. The porn industry has created a standard for sex that is way too high. A man is small if he doesn’t have an 8 inch penis (the average is 6 inches) and women need to have an orgasm have sex to ts fullest.

I very rarely have orgasms from intercourse. I have had them more frequently with some partners than others. There is definitely a G-spot, and if your partner’s…um…appendage is somewhat ‘curved’ it can be easier to stimulate during intercourse. I’m just upfront about it, so my partner doesn’t expect something that’s not likely to happen.

I can have multiple orgasms.
It just takes me a week.

I have yet to orgasm from sex (though I doubt I have been as sexually active many of the more mature flutherites) but my guess is it is because of a lack of the right kind of stimulation. I need a lot of direct, gentle clitoral stimulation, and penetration doesn’t generally allow for that. This being said, I have rarely felt physically unsatisfied from sex. After a while, I don’t need to orgasm and sex is just as satisfying. At first, I thought it was because of emotional reasons as the first man I had sex with was selfish and pretty much only interested in sex from me (yeah, there’s a nasty, painful story there) and the second man I had sex with never went for very long. Now, however, I am in a good, emotionally satisfying relationship wherein sex can last for quite some time. Therefore, I believe, in my case anyway, that it is purely physical.

And I hope my long rambling response helped at all since I’m not really sure I actually answered the question.

it’s called the CLITORIS. that’s why. most men feel pleasure in their penis, women in their clitoris. they’re made out of the same material. it only makes sense.

there are just so so many great resources out there. those of you who are surprised at this information, and those of you who are upset you can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, please please please read at least one of these websites!

http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/

http://www.dodsonandross.com/

There is a reader question on the last website, that of sexologist Dr. Betty Dodson, that answers this question specifically. I’ll see if I can find it.

They just need to try to please their man and stop complaining. Or so i’m told.

PANCAKE

Maybe their partner was saying flapjacks.

It’s true the clit needs to be stimulated, depending on the position of the penis and probably the shape and size, there needs to be some contact with the clit. Maybe he just needs to slow down. Some guys can be selfish and as long as they’ve reached orgasm, they’re satisfied! lmao

I can’t achieve orgasm during intercourse, even with clitoral stimulation. I don’t think most women out there who have the same problem are oblivious to the fact that the clit needs stimulation during sex, too.

true, apologies for my ignorance

Ah, I found it!

http://www.dodsonandross.com/essay/how-can-i-orgasm-during-partner-sex

It’s almost exactly the same question, answered by a PhD.

Here’s another similar question and answer from the same site:
http://www.dodsonandross.com/essay/cant-orgasm-during-sex

and here’s another one:
http://www.dodsonandross.com/essay/how-can-i-have-vaginal-orgasm

(basically Dr. Betty just says “you need to stimulate your clitoris” over and over again…actually she says that a lot…)

That doesn’t work for my girlfriend. Oral is her sweet spot, but if I rub her clitoris during sex she can’t even feel it.

She says sex feels amazing, but it doesn’t give her the release that oral does.

I prefer to self-stimulate during sex. Perhaps you could suggest that to your GF?

@joni: No need to apologize! :) I wasn’t talking to you, I was just talking in general.

Repeated stimulation doesn’t work for me either. Whether or not it’s me or my partner, it just doesn’t help.

@Augustian, she doesn’t even feel comfortable masturbating, let alone with me right there.

Ahhh…that can be tricky. It takes some time and self confidence to feel comfortable with it.

Boy, if I stay on this thread much longer I’m going to be experiencing one of those “four-hour” erections discussed on an earlier thread.

Well Chuck, on the internet the solution to any problem is only a few clicks away.

Read this book. It’s packed full of information and it’s funny. Mary Roach is great.

Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s closer to 30%.

Also, you might want to consider that our little pea sized clitoris has more sensitive nerves than your entire penis. Give it some love, and things will get going.

Also, it is not hard to find, how hard is front and center? Just sayin’.

As for your girl’s problem, it may be mental, people get off different ways, just work around it. People who can’t even masturbate comfortably tend to have more issues climaxing than those comfortable in their own bodies. Maybe buy her a vibrator and just let her explore her body at her own pace, she might learn a few things about t that will help when you two are together. A hip moved an inch in the right direction can make all the difference, but it’s up to you to know where to go.

asmonet, 30% in which direction – 30% can or 30% can’t? also…i could have sworn a needleinthehay is a girl…

I think Enzo hit upon something when he mentioned his girlfriend being uncomfortable with masturbation. Women don’t tend to think they are allowed to masturbate the way men are. If more women felt more comfortable with that they would know their bodies better and have a better idea of what their man should do to please them. The secret for me is the g-spot and clitoral stimulation with these two things and lots of foreplay I’ll reach it every time.

“pea sized clitoris?”
Whew! What a relief. Now I don’t feel so inadequate.

Feel inadequate, feel very inadequate. Note our peas contain so, so many more nerve endings than your cukes: very efficient, very intense, very tidy to carry around with us.

But we really were trained not to pay attention. So notice, everyone, notice.

@augustlan: I totally agree with the “curved” comment! Weird, but very true!

Anyone know why the G spot is called the G spot instead of the Big O spot?

Or the “That Hit The” spot? hee.

I’m already having enough trouble concentrating at work. Peas and cukes…

@daloon—It’s full name is the “Gräfenberg spot,” after the gynecologist who first theorized that it existed.

@macbean: thanks. Lurve for you.

Presumably the G-spot is a place where, in some women, there is a concentration of nerve endings?

I’m struck that so many women are saying that they don’t need to have an orgasm to have a good time. It’s not extremely frustrating not to cum?

@ daloon: I think it’s different for women than men. True, orgasm feels really good, but from a purely biological point of view, women don’t need to orgasm in order to reproduce. It is true that orgasm facilitates pregnancy, but male orgasm is necessary for pregnancy. When a man ejaculates (whether into a condom, a sock, a mouth, a vagina etc.) he fools his body into thinking he’s fulfilled his biological imperative.

Where does the pleasure come from if you don’t have an orgasm? What does that kind of pleasure feel like?

sorry to be so ignorant about these things, although I guess it is true that people don’t talk about them much

@Chuck I have multiple orgasms, too. And they make me weak.

@Daloon: Speaking only for myself, many pieces of the act give pleasure: the intimacy alone ‘feels’ good, the physical sensations are pleasurable – just as I’m sure you enjoy the stimulation before ejaculation – in the same way that scratching a hard-to-reach itch can be. My partner’s orgasm gives me pleasure, too.

The only time I find it frustating is when I get so close, so close, and then…I can’t. Usually, I don’t even get close, so I just enjoy it on it’s own merits.

@augustlan: thanks for taking my question seriously. Lurve!

I’ve noticed that sometimes the physical activity, particularly if it’s gone on a while or g-spot stimulation has occurred, can be nearly as satisfying as an orgasm. There have been times that I felt perfectly sated without climax. As augustlan said, the times it’s frustrating and unsatisfying is if I’m close and can’t get there.

As mentioned, the position of the clitoris doesn’t make it easy to orgasm during intercourse. From what I understand, it’s a common issue and most women don’t. Things like lots of foreplay and getting the angle right can help.

@Everyone, thank you so much for your advice and comments and so on!

Macbean… Are you hiding in my houses library?

We have all the same books!!

Also, try a small vibrator during sex to stimulate your clit. Both of you will like it and it’s much easier to move between close bodies, and it’s more effective than your hand. Or in the case where the girl doesn’t want to use one herself, get a vibrating cock ring. :)

@delirium— looks shifty

:) !!!

I’ve been thinking about this question far more than I should, I think. Ha. I want to add something about the whole angle thing. I have had orgasms during penetrative sex, but only because the angle/position allowed me to get some hip action going, so essentially I was stimulating my clitoris against my partner’s body. The female superior position is particularly good for this, at least for me. If you can get the angle right, you can ride your partner and rub yourself off at the same time.

@AlenaD—The book I recommended says exactly what you said. :D

I should totally write a book. ;)

I clicked that link and realized that book is one I’ve wanted to read for a while. It looks interesting and unusual (in a great way). I’ll add it to my wish list.

Also there are reports that you can train your body to be okay with penetration orgasm-wise… Take yourself to the edge and have your partner penetrate and finish you off (Ideally you would keep going too, but i’ve found that its not necessary). Doing this gradually makes your body adjust to having orgasms with them in you.

This probably can be practiced with a dildo as well, but I think a large part of it requires the parter because you’re not controlling the stimulation yourself, at that point.

Also, it’ll usually make the guy really happy (and really horny) to be able to do that, especially if you’ve discussed this trouble with orgasming before. And usually then you can let him go on.