Why do I have suicidal thoughts?

I do that every now and then and consider myself sane. You shouldn’t be afraid to explore things in your mind, as long as you understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

I can’t help (just like almost everyone else) imagining jumping every time I’m leaning over a tall bridge, or wonder what it’d be like if the plane were to start crashing when I’m flying.

Not to say I want to die, but I’m a curious person.

As far as your fears go, as soon as you embrace death as a necessary part of life, that’s when you can truly start to live. Without death, life is meaningless.

Hard to give a better answer than Spargett. I think it’s normal for people to explore in their minds what death will be like, being that it’s such an unknown.

When ever I think about it I remember Robin Williams in the movie Hook saying, “To die would be a great adventure.” And Captain Hook replies, “Death is the only adventure.”

My reasoning is that life truly is short enough I can’t imagine wanting to make it shorter.

@Spar: Well put.

Honestly, if you think it’s interfering with your life get help, and “I probably would kill myself but the catch 22 is that I am incredibly scared of death.” makes me think the line is blurring a bit for you. You might not need it but I recommend a few sessions with some kind of counselor, even if all it does is reaffirm your sanity, it can’t hurt, but letting thoughts like that get out of hand is dangerous.

That said,I understand you’re not suicidal, and I really do completely understand the morbid fascination. Sometimes when I’m driving I wonder what the experience of slamming into a tree is like and play it out in my head, my brother does the same thing. It’s just my over active imagination I think.

I think about suicide on a daily basis, too. But I’m not obsessed with death. In my case, I come from a family of suicides. My father shot himself, my grandfather drowned himself (both had medical conditions they would not recover from) and my great-grandfather hung himself.

I found information linking suicidal tendencies and genetics to be helpful in understanding what’s going on. I’ve been able to separate the feelings from the knowledge that I would act on them and keep them under control.

I think you need to try again with doctors, but recognize that perhaps this is not the problem in itself, but the symptom of something else. Given your previous question about low self esteem, you seem to have a few more pieces to the puzzle. Have you been evaluated for clinical depression? You said you graduated from high school in 2004; that’s awfully young to be settled into married/house/job. Do you feel like there’s more out there that you’re missing? I got married at 23, and after the first year, I did have feelings of being trapped by the responsibility, but I adjusted to it. It was really unpleasant; I lived at home until my wedding, and then went from that to running a home and a marriage. I didn’t know what I was doing, even though by appearances I was doing it well.

I would really recommend seeing someone about this. It sounds like, based on the self-esteem question, as well as this question, you might be dealing with depression. I think ^^^AlfredaPrufrock hit the nail on the head.

You know, you can be in a depression and not understand all the symptoms. The important thing here is to talk to someone. Usually, you can get a referral from your primary care physician and/or your insurance company. Some plans require you see only certain mental health care doctors.

It’s normal, don’t worry, if it becomes super recurrent, talk to your husband, maybe you have a pending issue deep inside of you, things like that can push you to suicidal thoughts (been there… big time).
It’s good to discuss this kind of things with your loved ones before you hit the shrink’s office :)

please remember that also that is a premanant answer to a tempary problem. you should see a dr. to get some meds to help with the way you feel.i don’t mean a shrink just your regular dr. he can give you meds to help with what i think is depression. i will pray for you.

You say you have seen doctors. What kind of doctors and what do THEY say?

I agree with Alfreda and CAK. See a medical professional, preferably a psychiatrist (not a psychologist, unless they have credentials to write prescriptions). This sounds a lot like depression. It makes me wonder what kind of doctors you saw. Was it a medical doctor? Did they refer to to a psychiatrist?

Depression, most researchers seem to believe, is caused by an imbalance in brain chemistry. Medications can help. If this is chronic (low self-esteem or suicidal ideation), it sounds a lot to me like depression.

A few other questions. Do you ever have very high moments? Does your brain ever feel like it’s racing? Have you gone on unexplainable spending sprees that you can’t afford? Do you start many projects, but finish few? If you have experienced any or all of these things, I really think a visit to a psychiatrist is in order. Sooner, rather than later.

Please don’t take this lightly. From the way you’ve described it, I don’t think it sounds like the kind of thing that can be defeated on your own. Take if from one who has been there, and is still troubled by the same thing. If my wife hadn’t gotten me to the psychiatrist, I’d be separated from her and my kids, and well on my way to losing everything. I felt so bad that only being homeless, dirty, and completely isolated could have justified the way I felt.

I wouldn’t jump straight to medication.

True, it could be chemical imbalances but it could just be situations in your life. Don’t jump right into masking up those situations with pills.

I think the psychiatrist will decide whether medication is necessary or not.

Does your husband know that you have this fear? If not maybe you should ask him what he thinks about it.

have a look at this site ..

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

It’s not a gimic, it is recommended by professional clinical psycologists and it’s free.
Google it to see who is recommending it .