Do you have a test question for potential partners?

OMG, that is the best idea! I have, yet a new goal in life now!

I knew a girl who said she always worked it so she drove on one of her first few dates with someone new. Somewhere in the course of the date she would stop for gas and if the guy didn’t offer to pump the gas, no more dates.

I asked her why because honestly she was plenty independent and self sufficient. She said there were certain things she didn’t want to take care of in a relationship and auto maintenance was high on that list… offering to pump the gas just showed a willingness to handle things like that to her.

She also mentioned she’d made exceptions but it was a great way to explain to yourself why you weren’t continuing after a few so-so dates.

What was the answer he wanted? And how can a question like that tell you anything about someone?

Which Ocean? : )

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I don’t really have any standard tests.
Generally if they aren’t an ass, then we can see where it goes.

My son used to take his girlfriends for a 10-day camping trip deep in the Wind River Wilderness, in WY. How long could they hold out without a hot shower and shampoo? I told him he was an idiot.

Mine is easy; Do you promise to love, honor and always use the litter box?

@QualityControl: Because it was, well, a kind of quality control. Atoms are very small things, and many more than a thousand will fit in any ocean.

If a woman didn’t know that off the top of her head, she was probably not very smart in other ways, too – and he liked ‘em smart.

I bet he did an abrupt about-face for the girl who questioned his expectations, then.

I am so lucky I don’t have to worry about that. My husband and I have been together now for over 27 years. Phew, a lot of work there.

I didn’t always ask it up front, but an important test for me was how open minded someone is. At some point early on, I would ask something about racism or gay rights. Any hint of racism or homophobia was a dealbreaker.

Never having dated, I never even had to think about test questions. Besides which, if a woman was pretty, I think I probably wouldn’t have cared how smart she was…. Oh, bullshit. I always chose women who would challenge me, up until I met my wife, with whom things seemed equal.

Brains and ideas are the most important thing, and it takes much more than a date to ascertain those.

Hehe, nice test question indeed. I wouldn’t use one though. I like talking to people and making the judgment on whether our relationship continues based on multiple viewpoints. Every now and then I’ll meet a person who may not be all there in one area, thus someone who I might have discredited according to an in-stone rule, who really shines bright in other areas. It’s nice to chat with someone who thinks totally different than you, it keeps my mind open to other possibilities.

Banter. Witty, fun, lively banter. If he isn’t able to make my jaw drop with his satire, or irony, or sarcasm, or general intelligence… i’m not interested.

I want fast back and forth, people. Puns are a bonus.

A better approach (or one that can also be used) is to make carefull observation of how your date treats total strangers. For example, your date is obviously going to be on their best behavior for you, but take your date through a checkout line at a grocery store or a mini-mart at see how your date interacts with the cashier. If the cashier gives a friendly “Hello!” and your date barely responds, you’ll have a little more insight into that person. Same thing in a restaurant… Nice to you but $h!tty to the waitress for taking too long on the iced tea refill? Might be better off dating the waitress.

Simple: Slim G or Rabbit? The only answer that doesn’t work is What’s that?

I’m with august on this one. Every new person I’m interested in possibly getting to know must meet certain qualifications: They may not be racist, sexist, homophobic or anything else along those lines. I do not beat around the bush, either. I see no point. I ask up front and if I don’t like what I hear, they will not be a part of my life.

Do you ride a bike?

@sueanne: What’s that?

No, I just talk to them and observe. There are certain behaviors that would turn me off, sure, but I’m not about to make some random rule about it. Of course, I’m probably not going to get on well with anyone who creates random rules for dating, so perhaps my question could be this question.

Except I would hate the idea someone awesome could answer wrong and I’d write them off. No, no rules.

I too am attracted to the highly intelligent, but also require that he not drink, not do drugs, not smoke, not be of another religion, not treat his mother negatively, and be perfectly ok with the fact that my best friend is a guy. Yes, I have found someone like this… He’s amazing.

Your ex-boyfriend’s plan seems a bit flawed.

If the girl thinks that he is genuinely curious, his question also makes him look dumb.
If the girl realizes that he’s trying to test her, she’s bound to be a bit annoyed.
And if she isn’t dumb as a rock, it’s also very possible that she’d be
a bit insulted by the sheer stupidity of the question.

That being said, I don’t have a question per se.
But my canary in a coal mine are kids and animals.
Besides carbon monoxide, they’re also great at detecting assholes.
Don’t worry. I don’t actually make it a habit to send small children into caves.

How’s your relationship w/ your folks?
Do you like animals?
Have kids?

@Augustlan Am similar with that*. A small favor to ask: not being great at wording things like that, what are some things that you might say when you’re bringing up those subjects (racism/homophobia) in order to gauge their attitudes?

—* (But aside from it being a dealbreaker for someone, when asked, not to be in support of those issues, i’d be apt to be hesitant to be in a serious relationship with high levels of unconscious racism/homophobia, or who was hostile unwilling to question/explore their own privilege. Not entirely due to being picky (wish i had the luxury of that, people being so socially-enlightened), but because anti-racism & the exploration of my privilege (& unconsciously absorbed racism) is currently a focus in my life, and being in a close relationship, i’d like at least some understanding & support for this.)—

@resmc I’ve done it in a couple of different ways. Most recently, on my first real date with my now husband. We were having that beautiful ‘getting to know you’ conversation, and finding how wonderfully compatible we were. It was going so well, with different topics being thrown out there for consideration: Music? Books? Education? So I just baldly asked one of my deal-breakers: “How do you feel about gay marriage?” When he said he supported it, he was in. In the past, I usually didn’t get a chance to ask it so early on, and just brought things up as they seemed to fit in with a conversation or situation. If the answer was not to my liking, they were out, and fast!

@augustlan Makes sense… i’d find it far easier, myself, to bring up the subject when very engaged in an unusually great social interaction. That tends to give me confidence i usually lack.

Since I have a partner, I have no need for these kind of questions with respect to mates. However, I realize that I do use them for screening out potential friends, and politics are something that it is crucial I be compatible with them on. People tell me I’m prejudiced, but I just could not be friends with someone conservative.

@daloon It’s actually not hard (at least for me) to be friends with someone relatively more conservative, if you’re okay with skirting around subjects. [Emphasis on relatively, lol] Unpleasant when you need to vent about something which would expose your differences and no one else is around.

But, had a very conservative classmate i could’ve been friendly acquaintences with, yet she will talk on and on about her views yet conveniently find a way to avoid listening to how i may have a different take. So it depends on the person, how serious the friendship is, and what types of conversation you tend towards, i guess.

It’s annoying that not wanting to tolerate rather disgusting views (when you can help it) is seen by some as too picky or even prejudiced, tho. How do you respond to that view?

(Being exposed enough to those who hold them to realize they’re human, and are often relatable despite their views is good, and adds some strength and appreciation to your own views .. but that’s possible without having political ickiness be part of your leisure time.)

See, the problem is that I think politics are a sign of morality. If you care about other people, you’ll support efforts to care for people. If you are a pure individualist, you have a whole set of ideas and practices that seem pretty nasty and uncaring to me.

I think people think politics are something outside of a person. It’s another world, maybe. And it doesn’t say much about someone, as a person. However, I think politics are an integral part of a person, and since I and my friends think about political issues all the time, to have a conservative as a friend is nigh on impossible. We would be constantly running up against each other.

I can be respectful to conservatives, but I can not abide their ideology. It just shows, to me, a complete lack of understand about how the world works and/or should work.

Caring for people, though, isn’t always the most responsible thing to do for the economy. That sounds cold! But if it were not true, people would be donating more than half their income to the poor, like Peter Singer suggests.

Compared to Singer’s message, we all look like individualists.