Would it be tacky to send a sympathy card?
Asked by
Jeruba (
56061
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November 22nd, 2008
I have a card that I intended for my cousin, who lost her home in the devastating Montecito fire last week (http://www.fluther.com/disc/27633/what-would-you-grab/). She has a place to stay and is starting to piece her life back together again.
I intended to send the card to her with a check to help her get back on her feet after losing everything. The card does not say anything about “condolences,” “bereavement,” or “loved one.” This is the message, paraphrased: every loss is unique, and even though we don’t know exactly what you’re going through right now, we send our sympathetic love and support.
All that is true, and loss of a loved one is by no means the only kind of loss one might wish to recognize with a card and note. But of course there are no cards for most such occasions. (I am envisioning a line of cards right now that say sorry you’ve lost your job…your business…your investments…your favorite supplier of x….) Still, this card was designed and intended as a traditional sympathy card, for the death of someone close, and nobody died. So, pen in hand, I am having second thoughts.
Should I put this card aside and use a conventional notecard, or would this manner of expressing sympathy and concern be appropriate?
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13 Answers
I would buy a pretty card that is blank on the inside so you can write your own message.
I think I would be touched. It is the message that matters. If the card thing still bothers you, why not paraphrase that sentiment on another note card?
buy a blank card or make one for yourself. A simple message will send across your thoughtfullness.
I don’t think I would send that card. Why not head to your local Hallmark and tell them what you are looking for? Hallmark now carries a variety of cards that address unique situations. If they have nothing that suits you then I’d just get a “Thinking of you” or a blank notecard and then write something personal.
Good luck to you and your cousin.
I am sure your cousin will be so grateful and touched she won’t even contemplate the possible tackiness of the card. This is really kind of you.
I would go with a “Thinking of You” card. It says that you thinking about her during her hard times.
I don’t really think it’s tacky, but I like the idea of a ‘thinking of you’ card better.
Once she sees the check, she won’t even remember the card.
Well, it’s true! As soon as she sees the check, the card and the envelope will go right in the garbage!
Good to see you back!
Thank you all for your well-considered advice. Your thoughts have really changed my mind. I thought an actual sympathy card would recognize the depth of her loss. But I can see that it might make her feel funny, whereas if I don’t use it, she is not going to say, “Well, this is nice and all, but it would have been better with a real sympathy card.”
I don’t think my cousin is going to trash my card right away, though. This is a woman who has lost her address book and recipe book, her library and musical instruments and art work, all her kids’ baby pictures and saved schoolwork, birth certificates and diplomas and medical records, everything she used daily from piano to potholders, any heirlooms she might have hoped to pass on to grandchildren she doesn’t even have yet—all nothing but ashes and rubble now. At this point any family memento may seem like a treasure. She may actually value the message more than the check. A nice “thinking of you” card will be in tomorrow’s mail.
I do have some past Christmas cards from her, with photos and notes (because I keep such things too), and I am going to search for them and send them back to her.
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