An appropriate gift for someone in mourning?

I would say that I nice brief “I’m orry for your loss” card along with flowers. If it’ a close friend, a home-cooked meal would also be appreciated I’m sure.

Comfort food. Whatever it is she likes. Chocolate, cookies, chinese… it’ll help her feel better,

Friendship and take her out to diner. Somtimes being alone is hard that may be why she is back at work so soon

Talk to her; or rather let her talk, if she needs.See whether she and the family are planning any memorial funds or something like a tree planted or a bench somewhere. When we had two very bad deaths in our family, it took a lot more than a week, but ultimately I (and the others) wanted contributions, no matter how small. Every grief is different, but a week is really soon for her to be thinking clearly and, I can promise you, nothing is going to make her feel better for a long time. Food and a good ear may be suitable, but you must ask her. If I can help more, write to me privately

Comfort food, like mac and cheese. My brother’s mother in law still remember the homemade mac and cheese we made for them when her hubby passed away.

Flowers are good too. I once gave white roses across the miles. They were touched.

The best gift you can give someone who is in mourning is the gift of friendship. Friendship can encompass many things…knowing when to listen and being there to listen…..offering a diversion such as going to a movie or another activity,and…inviting them over for dinner or taking them out to dinner if they feel like it. When I experienced a loss and was in mourning the kind words,cards, offers of friendship, home cooked meals all meant the world to me. I will never forget the people who were there for me and my family during our time of loss. They made it all so much easier for me and my family at that terrible time in our lives.

Some issues to consider about comforting someone who is mourning. Was the death expected? Was the death wrong on the timeline (having a very old person go is easier than a younger one.) Illness, accident? Did you know the person? If so, do you have any stories or memories. In my case, knowing that there was going to be wonderful mail to read got me out of bed each morning for the first year. I reread the condolence letters still. They were well-written, filled w. anecdotes and funny stories and events that I never would have known about. The first time I was taken out to dinner, by family thinking to distract me, I broke down and had to leave after the first course. It was so wrong trying to be diverted….but as I said, everyone is different.

Thank you all for your thoughtful and kind suggestions. These are wonderful. The worst thing I can do is nothing – or act like everything is normal. In some cases people are so shocked she’s back and don’t know what to say, that they’re avoiding her – which is heartbreaking.

Her husband was hit with a dx of cancer, and very quickly deteriorated after that.

I think I’m going to take all of these suggestions – make her some home-cooked meals and breads, offer to get her out of the office for walks and talks and flowers. At first, I was hesitant to get flowers and was planning on getting a plant instead, but I don’t want her to be reminded of when she got it for as long as she has it.

I’m off to the store for ingredients : )

You are right about the cruelty of acting as tho everything is normal. Having friends drop you or even avoid making eye contact, as tho what happened is contagious, is very painful. And very common. Listen to her w. your third ear – it sounds as tho you have a very sensitive one. The stages of grief can’t be codified; they are individual, complicated and unpredictable.

I saw an article where a woman expressed great appreciation for a family friend who gave her, her sister and her mother each a bottle of her father’s aftershave, so they could still “smell him” when they wanted. That sounds like a risky gift to me, it seems to me it might be awkward.

I was so helped by friends who remembered to invite me over frequently. I had heard that widows are often forgotten quickly by their friends, but mine continued to have me over. I also felt comfortable calling them and they were quick to make sure I was welcome at their homes.

Something else that was so helpful was a friend taking a yoga class who invited me as her guest. I realized quickly that there were four yoga classes a week, and I joined the place—I found that yoga was an enormous help—and even though this was something I had done before—don’t know if I would have gone there on my own at that point.

Mourning is a difficult and complicated process—very personal and individual. I would suggest taking your lead from your friend.

if you knew them both real well and spent time with them make a journel of the memorys
you shared with them ,or the storys of there life they shared with you.pictures included would be great.leave a few pages and write these are for you to write upon your thought and memorys of joy laughter and love together.lol

I would actually take her out to lunch one on one (depending on how close you are, I mean if you dont know her at all might be a tad awkward but still…). i cannot tell you how many times i have thought, i wish someone would care enough to take me to lunch and listen to what is going on with me.

nothing is going to solve her problems. but everyday she goes home to a place where her partner no longer is. and that is really tough. and depending on her age (ok this might be ageist but whatever) i think it is very tough when you are younger (not that it hurts MORE only that it is more UNEXPECTED), however if a lot older, people tend to have experienced more deaths.

or you could even take her to a movie and for coffee or something after work/on the weekend. it doesnt take too much to show you care. but people forget sometimes and get scared by their own fear of death.

These are all great ideas! I would also suggest a couple things…it might sound a bit cliche, but a plant is nice. Not flowers (that end up dying and do not serve as a good reminder), but a plant. It stays around and grows, flourishes after all is said and done. It’s nowhere NEAR the same situation…but when I started my business, my parents gave me a potted tree. It’s almost 3x the size it was…continuing to grow. That seems meaningful, even in this situation.

Another suggestion would be to make a donation in her name/on her behalf to a group or organization that was important to her husband (or important to them both). That is another type of gift that will “live on” and serve a purpose for more than just a fews days/weeks.

Aside from that, as said before, be there for her. She’ll need it more than ever.

Honestly, having been in a position of serious grieving, I’d say gift certificates for dining out are awesome. Home-cooked food is great but your appetite gets totally out of whack and it could all be good effort for naught. All the plants died, the donations were awesome but forgotten, the cards seemed sad and unintentionally full of pity. What I remember most is being able to use the certificates whenever I needed them (too tired/exhausted to cook, all the food spoiled, etc.), even months later they were so appreciated, and also the people that kept up with checking in. Maybe just put a reminder on your calendar once a month to drop them a note, have coffee, lunch, a walk, a movie, anything that says “I’m thinking of you, I remember, and I care.”

I just went through this with a friend. I sent her a check so she could choose any kind of comfort she wanted for herself and her family. If you don’t want to give cash, the gift certificate is perfect. A restaurant, movie package, etc. Maybe even to a nice specialty market that they like. I also really agree with the thought of checking in. My friend told me that she appreciated that the most. I also pick up sympathy cards in advance whenever I find really special ones that are more suited to my friends, so they are a bit more personal and I can get them out immediately.