How have you handled a sibling dating someone you aren't thrilled with?

In less you have a good hit man lined up, I think all you can do is tell him to do whatever makes him happy and try to support him. If he starts falling behind in school you may want to take a more aggressive stance, but for the most part he has to make his own decisions.

I feel pretty strongly that there’s no way to know what’s going on in a relationship unless you’re in it (even then, sometimes I’m confused). I would keep my opinions to myself unless I saw the possibility of something imminent, irreversible, and damaging (marriage, pregnancy, abuse, etc).

My sister has been married to a guy I hate for 15 years and neither one of them even know it. Everyone else in the family has pretty much let him know so he doesn’t come around them but I figured that the more people push him away or bug her about it the harder it will be for her to leave him eventually. She has enough stress already and she doesn’t need her family in her face. I have found it best to just mind my own business and let people be and they will figure it out for themselves. He is obviously a pretty intelligent person so I am sure there will be a breaking point,

I agree with niki. It’s easy to misunderstand relationships when you are an outsider. You don’t know both sides of the story and your brother sounds ambitious enough to know if the relationship is doing more harm than good. What you can do is next time he talks to you about this is mention that if he feels that the relationship is taking too much out of him and causing him to be distracted from his academics then he should rethink it. Do not tell him that you think he should leave her because she sounds like a horrible person etc etc. So yes, just listen and be there for him. First year of medical school is a highly stressful time in a person’s life as you have probably noticed by now.

I’
with niki on this one, too. Unless you observe real abuse or something dangerous happening, they are two adults and have to figure this out by themselves.
I have a sister who maaried a guy that no one in our family likes. They have been married over thirty years so there must be something there.

Speaking as a brother with a meddling sister, express your opinion to your brother once and in a rational manner and then stay out of it.

have you tried getting to know his girly?

your brother isnt going to listen to you if you havent met her/know her.

My sister hated my ex-boyfriend throughout our entire relationship. I can see why, to some degree, because he put me through a lot of stuff and there were quite a few times I couldn’t hide my depression about the relationship. In my heart I feel like most of our problems stemmed from him – but – I wasn’t perfect in the relationship, either. It’s also a lot easier for people to complain about the bad stuff more than it is to go on and on about the good stuff. That’s how it was for me. I didn’t mean to do it that way, but it happened. But that’s just it – he wasn’t all bad or the only one who fucked up, but that’s how it seems to my sister.

So like other people have said, you just don’t have any way of knowing, really. I know that when my sister constantly and openly expressed her hatred for my ex, even during obviously good times in the relationship, it stressed me out beyond belief and made me pull away from her somewhat. I felt like she wasn’t even trying to see things from my perspective or to see the reasons I was with him.

That said, she’s my older sister by two years and I know she’s very protective of me because she loves me. I get it, I really do. But what she needed/needs to understand is that it’s my life.

I completely agree with kevbo. Tell your brother how you feel about her and that you’re really concerned for him because you love him. Stay calm, be clear… And then all you can do is drop it. Do you know this girl, outside of possibly meeting her a few times? Maybe, at least once for your brother’s sake, hang out with her sometime and see how it goes. You never know… You might be wrong. Or not, but yeah… Not much else you can do.

Does he complain to you about the situation? If he does maybe you could gently suggest that he bring his issues to her attention.

My sister has been married twice. When I was a baby, I would cry every time her first husband got near her. As I grew up, I learned to just avoid him as much as possible. I never said anything out loud but I made it clear I didn’t like him. Eventually, she figured out that he was horrible and they got a divorce.

The second husband came along when I was 18 or so. My first impression of him was VERY negative. He made me extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t have a solid reason for it, so I tried to get to know him and give him a second chance. It didn’t work. I didn’t go to their wedding. I don’t go to their house. When he comes to visit, I stay with friends. Again, at last, she realized he’s a psychological (and occasionally physical) abuser who’s addicted to crack, and she’s heading toward another divorce. She’s not quite ready yet, since she still talks about how she loves him, but she’s getting there. It’s getting dangerous for her kids. I keep my mouth shut about it unless she opens up a conversation. Then I point out how things look to someone on the outside, passing as little judgment as possible. I only offer suggestions if she asks for them.

I’d say that it’s not your girlfriend, so you’re just gonna have to let it go.

My oldest brother was dating a girl my whole family liked a lot for four years, but they broke up. Two months later, he met the woman who is now his wife and the mother of his two kids. My family hasn’t always gotten along with her, but so it goes, so it goes. It’s just his decision.

You get one chance to express your thoughts, then you should say nothing more on the issue. Your brother’s life is his to live, not yours. People need to make their own choices so that they can learn from their successes and mistakes.

If he asks be honest and objective. but only IF he asks. Otherwise, zip it.

It sounds like they’re pretty young still (he has, what, seven more years of med school?!), so my first instinct would be to say that many women will probably come and go from your brother’s life and it’s not worth causing a big stink about this one if it might not even last.

…But, of course, what do you do if it does last? Wait until the wedding night and drop the bomb that you’ve hated this girl from the start?

Unfortunately, it’s his call. I hated my best friend’s boyfriend for years. When they finally broke up, I spilled my guts to her and she asked me, shocked, “Were you just gonna take this to the grave?” And I said yes. Sadly, that’s just how life works sometimes.

I’ve let it go. It’s not my choice to make, and it’s not my place to meddle in my brother’s affairs. If he’s going to all the trouble to maintain a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend, you aren’t going to change his mind just by telling him how horrible she is; you’ll just set yourself up for misery and antagonism in the future.

LOL, Kevbo – are you really my brother in disguise?

It’s great that you have your brothers best interest in mind, it really is, but you can’t interfere. Sure you can give him your opinion, but that’s all you can do. It’s all you should do. Anything more could shove him in her direction and you would hate yourself. If he comes to you for help in regards to the texting then come up with something useful. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want him to spend ALL his free time texting her as with any girl she’d rather he spend all his free time with her…except when he’s not with her.

I would tell your brother something like this: You have more important things to do than sit there texting all day long. If she truly loves you she will more than understand that it may be necessary to create some rules and boundaries, but you have to be firm and you have to be prepared for the worst anytime these types of issues come up.

Good luck!