How do I tell my current roommate (and friend) that I want to live with someone else when the lease is up?
Asked by
dlm812 (
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December 4th, 2008
I am currently living with a friend and one other roommate. The friend has assumed that I will live with her next year. I have discussed living with another friend, and don’t know how to tell my current roommate. While this seems simple, it is slightly more complicated—I have a dog, whom is not allowed to live with me right now because my current roommate/friend is allergic (even though he is a non-shedding, hypoallergenic breed which was chosen specifically because she has allergies). I have told her that whatever my living situation next year (my last year of college) he will be with me. She is now telling me that this is fine, she just doesn’t want him to have “accidents” and she will not be responsible for taking care of him in any way if I am gone during the day at class or work (which includes letting him out to the bathroom). I understand that it is not her responsibility to do such things because he is my dog, but it is also not fair for him (and me) to be punished if he is not let out to relieve himself and thus has an accident in the house. I am hesitant of the situation because I was told before signing our current lease that I could bring him, and then told NO 5 minutes after signing the lease. My other friend is an animal lover and would make for a much better living situation. I just don’t know how to bring the subject up with the current roommate/friend (whom I would like to remain friends with, but just not live with). I am obviously not a confrontational person, so how do I do this while being firm in my decision, but not harsh? Advice?
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9 Answers
Everything you just said to us? Say to her.
You like her, you want to be friends with her, but you need to live with someone who will enjoy living with a dog. You don’t want the dog to strain your friendship but are still a little bit hurt that you thought you’d be able to have your dog this year and she changed her mind once you signed the lease. Be honest and nice. There’s not much else you can do.
I agree with EmpressPixie say that all to her, and add in the fact that you don’t want to force her to live with a dog when obviously she doesn’t want to. It’s for the best and remind her that you still want to be friends and that it’s just easier this way.
You need to be stubborn when you talk to your friend, instead of trying to convince them to accept your situation. Just say that you will be living with the dog, and its too bad it won’t work out with the same roomates.. if they need any explanation, bring up the time when you were planning to do that last year and they made it impossible. I don’t see any problem remaining friends if you don’t live with them.
I agree with the above. Tell her the truth, in a gentle way. She doesn’t seem to want to live with the dog. The other person does. She might be relieved herself. Don’t worry about the friendship. A friend can get beyond this—and it’s always good to have a friend for whom the truth is a good thing, and you’re not always trying to protect her.
I agree with everything that’s already been said. I would like to reiterate, though, the importance of being firm. I’ve found that in situations like this where you feel some guilt over it because it does involve your friendship, it’s easy to guilt yourself into conceding to what your friend wants.
Remind her that this is not just for your dog’s sake, but for your friendship with her. Good luck!
Do what’s best for you.
Go with what EmpressPixie said. Tell her what you told us.
Thank you to everyone. I really appreciate the advice. I’ll post with details next week after I talk to her.
EmpressPixie nailed this one. Good luck talking to your friend.
I’m guessing that no one is following this thread anymore since it is a bit older… but I forgot to update whenever I told my roommate. There were no fireworks or bombs, horray! She seemed to have taken the news okay, although she still claimed that the dog wasn’t a problem. Since then though, I have already received a few “guilt trips” from her that now she has no choice but to live with our third, very spoiled and almost destructive, roommate. That’s her choice though.
I’ve applied for a new apartment with the other dog-friendly friend. We’re excited.
Anyway, thanks again for all of the advice.
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