Why would a candle refuse to light?

Scrape a little of the wax away in order to have a longer wick, perhaps.

wick is wet

No, that’s not it. I should have written that in my question. I scraped wax away – it didn’t help. I trimmed the wick, thinking that something had corrupted it – it didn’t help.

The wick is wet for days?

Hold the lighter over the wick for a few seconds and let a little wax drip off.

I went through 4 or so matches this last time (gave the candle one last chance) and…nothing.

did you turn it upside down to let the wax drip away?

If you’ve tried all of that and it still doesn’t work i would try to return it.

It’s cursed.

I think so.

You dummy! Look underneath and you’ll find that you forgot to put in the batteries.

Oh, AC…You’re my hero!

I think it was the sample candle in the box. You weren’t supposed to use it. :0)

Stubborn. That’s what it comes down to.

It preferred to curse the darkness.

Well, I let it go into the dark night. There was no reason to keep it and it wasn’t expensive enough to warrant a trip back to the store, so…it is resting in peace now. Or maybe it is resting in peas.

I think I’m going to cry. Poor little candle. It didn’t ask to be defective.

Oh, now I’m sad too. It’s such a shame when they have to go so young like that.

Darn it. Don’t make me go out there and dig it out. <sniff>

Actually, since it is in a glass container, I put it in the recycling/reincarnation bin, so it will actually have a chance to come back as something new. Maybe it will get it right next time!

Maybe it just wanted its inner beauty to shine through. You know… Lit from the inside… Not so obvious.

But noooo!

Wow! A candle just showed up at my front door! Said it’s owner thought it was worthless and threw it in the recycle bin. It had peas all over it.

I brought it in, cleaned it up, scraped off some of its battered wax and lit it. Fired right up! : )

God bless you, Autumn. That poor little neglected candle has been through enough hell during it’s brief life.
<glares angrily at McBean>

Oh, for Pete’s sake! The candle is a liar and a malingerer and will corrupt all your other weak-willed candles. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Candle hater!

Oh, AC…You’re so quick to judge.

I’m keeping my candle away from the computer so it doesn’t read this!

(watching the flame flicker strongly on the rescued candle and feeling so thankful to know it’s here.) Peas on earth.

(sniff!) I love happy endings!

I’m sure it is giving you great warmth too.

I just pray that there is something called “candle karma.”

What on earth are you all talking about??? <scraping wax off shoe>

I’ve named it Shortfuse and it’s the best candle I’ve ever had! It smells so great too. Kind of like a red flower smell. Ahhh. What a good little candle! How did I get so lucky!?

<calling the DCA – Department of Candle Abusers….ring, ring….>

Yeah? Must be a different candle, then. The candle that disappointed me was AMBER-scented. No better scent on earth. :-)

<rolling eyes>

Well….I asked it and it’s in the CPP – candle protection program. I’m not supposed to say it was AMBER…but apparently there was an AMBER alert out and it was afraid it would be returned to you…

<rolling eyes more>

Boy, you think you know people…

<rolling eyes also just for emphasis>

What would we do without the CPP?

Y’all look crazy, rolling your eyes like that.

Oh for goodness sake. It just told me that it wouldn’t stay lit because McBean was already so bright and it didn’t want to take away from her glow.

<you started the eye rolling! LOL!>

Aww…

Boy, that candle sure knows how to blow a lot of smoke. I’m glad you have it, Autumn.

Although, your light shines much brighter than any candle I’ve ever seen! :-)

Peas on earth…

and good will to defective candles.

thanks, McBean! : )

Or defective candles to Good Will, perhaps…to be used as doorstops?

Ahhh, gailcalled…you’re talking my language. :-)

OMG! (covering candles eyes so it can’t read this….) And I thought we had made such progress.

<rolling eyes again>

As my mom would say: Your eyes are going to stick that way.

Hey, you guys…wanna play candleball? It’s like soccer and baseball and hockey, but with a candle.

…and the candle thread went on and on, eventually breaking the fluther record for the longest thread.

<ring! ring!>
...Hello, CPS.
Hi, I know of a candle that’s being abused. Can you help?

Isn’t it great how that one little worthless, unusable candle brought us all together? <sigh>

<rolling eyes>
No, wait, they’re just stuck that way!

Little known fact: Crazy Horse wasn’t really crazy. He just rolled his eyes a lot.

@McBean – one, little, worthless candle!? <sobbing> I feel a limerick coming on…

There was a candle that wouldn’t light.
It tried and tried, with all its might.
But it just wouldn’t stay lit
So McBean was in a snit
And sent the candle off into the night.

Although McBean bought ‘em,
It found it’s way to Autumn,
To live happily ever after.
With it’s new kindly master,
And it never again felt like a bum.

I am stunned about all the attacks
on behalf of a candle that lacks.
For a candle’s main claim
is that it holds a flame,
But this candle is not worth its wax!

:-)

You forgot about the poor candle’s feelings!
And now to hear this – it is reeling
To know it tried to show
McBean’s best side and glow
For that it has to have all these dealings?
:o )

Hey Autumn, how’s Shortfuse doing these days?

@loser – Shortfuse got some great matches for Christmas and has been lighting up every day with no problems. He hasn’t even asked about his brothers and sisters that he was torn away from. Things are definitely brighter. Thanks for asking!

Oh, that’s great! It warms my heart to hear that. I hope 2009 brings you all lots of good things!!!

UPDATE ON THE STATE OF THINGS IN SHORTFUSE’S ORIGINAL HOME:

What a lovely Christmas they all had, flickering beautifully and brightly the way candles should. And even now, after a spectacular New Year’s celebration, see how they light immediately, not wasting match after match like one defective candle who shall remain nameless.

Does anybody remember Shortfuse? “Who?” they all ask. “Isn’t he the bad fairy tale candle who gave false hope and failed his mission so that the little orphan girl got lost in the dark forest and wandered into a pit of wolverines?”

@loser: Hurrah! You’ve decided to show your handsome face and I’m glad to see that you are wick free.

Wow, Shortfuse WAS allowed to read that post and is really happy to be living in a home that cares for him, cares for his wellbeing and loves him for every inch of wick he has. :0)

@loser – Shortfuse says ‘hello’ and is sorry he didn’t get his holiday cards out on time this year. He was busy lighting up the life of his new family.

Thanks for the updates everyone!!! I’m so glad everyone is happy and everything is de“light“ful!!!

@McBean: Why, thank you! Yes, I’m wick free and plan to stay that way. I’m not sure what kind of candle parent I’d make.

@autumn: Please give my love to Shortfuse and say that’s quite okay. I didn’t manage to get my cards out this year either! Hope you all have a de“light“ful 2009!!!