I suspect that the important question here is the “why wait until then” part. I do, however, want to say a few things about the “celebration of life” after death part.
Why “Celebrate” After a Person Has Passed Away?
When we gather while mourning, it is an extremely painful time, and more so for those who knew the deceased the best. I think that while you are thinking of that person, it is natural to want to tell stories about them.
At funerals of people close to me, I wanted to hear stories, and I learned things I didn’t know before. It felt good to learn more about the complete person. Things that are never shared before death, but can no longer embarrass the person can come out.
I’ve told stories about my relationship to the deceased to people close to that person. I usually put a lot of effort into remembering, and then trying to speak with as much visual detail as possible. People often tell me how much this means to them. Condolences are a dime a dozen. Real remembrance is much more costly.
Why Wait Until Then?
It’s difficult to organize these things before you’ve gone. Sure there are birthday parties, but, while you are the person of the day, it doesn’t have to be, and often isn’t about your life. Telling stories about an indivual’s life takes special effort by those organizing the event.
My parents have an event around their anniversary where every five years or so, they gather all their friends and family together some place nice. There is always an “entertainment” and these have included skits, story-telling (about them), and a roast, among other things.
I guess it seems egotistical or desperate when you organize an event and ask people to come prepared to say something nice about you. Donald Trump does it, I think, but I’d say he’s desperate for praise.
When a person is alive, you are constrained in your story-telling. Even at a roast, you don’t want to go too far in telling an uncomfortable truth about the person to their face. While you don’t usually do that at a funeral, either, I have been at funerals where people acknowledged these things about the deceased.
So such events can easily become what I think of as “puff” parties. You puff yourself up, or demand that others puff you up, and it becomes fake and saccharine all too often. Well, that’s what the person asked for. Some like it, I guess. I don’t.
I’d rather have an event like this that was real. It would talk about me, wrinkles, gray hair and all. I guess if I think that people can be honest enough to tell the bad stuff to my face, then whatever they say that is good is also believeable. All I can say is this: if there is never such an event for me until after I die, I hope it doesn’t happen for a very long time!