Have you ever attended a cuddle party?

I’ve been invited to a cuddle party, but it seemed to me like it would cross too many boundaries and be rather fraught.

I’ve been to something similar kind of but it just led to sex. It was fun but I like cuddling at home with just my girl better

Hmm. Sounds kinda cool to me. And I could finally show off those SpongeBob PJ’s…

I’m not a touchy person but I think I have plenty of touching in my life. This sounds weird to me and a bit desperate and flaky. I think I am too sexual of a person to be all touchy with someone and not want an orgasm out of it. Eww, and their feet would be all over the place. Creepy.

Now that I think about it, cuddling with strangers would be a little, um, strange. Oh well, maybe I’ll get to model my SpongeBob PJ’s some other time.

Creepy. Yuck.

Sounds weird to me too. Men and women laying around in their pj’s and not getting aroused? Are they neutered?

<looks askance>

I haven’t been to one, but without knowing more I would have to say it sounds odd. I’m a very demonstrative person; but strangers hugging me for money sounds yucky. I do get enough touch in my life, I give it & get it, just not with strangers in my pj’s! :) daloon; if you go will you share the experience with us, including a description of your pj’s??

I went to something kinda like that.. except for instead of cuddling we just had sex.

bodyhead: did you have to pay to get in to the party?

If these people want more touching in their life they should try ballroom dancing. This thing sounds a bit weird.

And I probably could use more touching in my life, but this is not my idea of how to get it.

I’d cuddle with you guys.

Wait, that wasn’t an invitation?

“40 bucks, please…”

Geez Knot, there isn’t even a fluther discount?

Cuddling is one of my favorite activities but this sounds odd. I mean, forty bucks to cuddle with strangers? I like to cuddle with people I at least somewhat know and usually that’s free. Why would I pay for the awkwardness of doing it with a stranger? Plus, my mom taught me never to talk to strangers so I think cuddling would totally be outta the picture anyways.

okay, now that’s reeeeeeally creepy, needy, weird, yuck

(I just answered the “happy people” question and will now show my boundaries!)

I have read about this, I’ve seen it on a tv show. No way. I am not one to hug people that I don’t know and even the people I do know, I’m not that touchy with! I love from afar! My daughter teases me and tackles me to hug me. It’s not just a a family joke. I’m a warm person, loving, but I have hugging issues!

I love to cuddle with multiple people at once…my children, my husband, even my best friend. If it was a cuddle party with friends and the money was a contribution to a charity, I’d go! I think if I was very lonely, I might even go to a stranger cuddle party.

I CANNOT be cuddled by people who don’t know me.
Of course, if I paid them to do it, they’d have permission.
But I wouldn’t.

Give me a good clear boundary any day. People with those can be my friends
and MAYBE they can touch me A LITTLE BIT. But not cuddle. No one can cuddle
me unless they’ve known me for 100 years or are under 7.

The first thing I thought, to be honest, was, “Oh, the post-AIDS Aughts version of Plato’s Retreat!” Then I realized that for whatever reason, these people are so lonely that they’re willing to pay to hug strangers. The PJ’s are a telling detail, too. I bet they’d also love some milk and cookies and someone to read “Goodnight Moon” to them. Aww, les pauvres.

When I want loving non-sexual hugs, I can get them for free from my family and friends, but not everyone can. For the most part, USian culture is rather non-demonstrative. If it works for them, I guess I can’t judge. I hope they’re getting what they need out of it.

If I wanted a 2 foot space on each side would it cost extra?
I hate being touched.

You’ll have to ask Knotmyday, he’s holding the cash!

I have a couple of problems with the idea. One, my personal space is way out here….I can’t imagine letting strangers get inside that space. Two, nonsexual? Really? I have serious doubts.

I’m a huggy kind of person, but a cuddle party doesn’t peak my interest.

I have been made fun of because of my extreme cuddling ways, so I probably wouldn’t be invited to a cuddle party. When I cuddle, which I love to do, I get my whole body involved. I wrap my legs around the cuddle subject and I just squeeze and squeeze until my guts feel all squishy and washy inside. I love it!!

I’m kind of like that too, but I could never do that with strangers. My SO has had to scrape me off of him plenty of times when I feel affectionate!

As I recall, you have to ask permission to touch anybody anywhere, and no means no. This rule is strictly enforced (I bet they have to, or they’ll get sued out the wazoo).

I agree with most folks, though, it sounds pretty creepy. In fact, I just don’t get it. Intimacy in that forum seems like it could be very disconcerting, whether or not you had sexual desires.

If you really want to touch and be touched why not just take the subway during rush hour? It’s a lot cheaper than $40 and while it may sometimes lead to complaints of sexual harassment it doesn’t often lead to sex. At least not right there in the subway car.

Are these snuggle parties a Midwestern phenomenon? The reason I ask is that I remember when there was talk about wife swapping parties and reading that these seemed to occur mostly in the Midwest. It seems to me that it might be the same or similar people who might be into cuddle parties.

Snuggle parties in the Midwest might have their origins in snowstorms and lack of firewood.

Yeah, a friend of mine told me about a camping trip he went on in August—it was apparently cold and rainy for a few of the days they were tenting. I expressed mild condolences, and he grinned and said, “But no! We had to take off all our clothes and huddle together for warmth! Over and over!”

…my mind / is tellin’ me no / but my body / my body-y-y / is tellin’ me yes… (scene from Without a Paddle)

I’ve been to one. Am I the first one to answer who has?

The one I attended was actually facilitated by the founders, Reid and Marcia, who I have gotten to know personally. (They started cuddle parties in NYC, so it’s not out of the midwest.)

My experience at the cuddle party was that it was as much a communication workshop as an opportunity to cuddle. We spent literally more than an hour before the cuddling began: hearing the guidelines, icebreaking, doing exercises where we practiced making requests, practiced saying no, etc.

When we got to the open cuddling time, the groundrules were so clear that cuddling with strangers wasn’t nearly so awkward. Yeah, it was a little awkward. But it was nice. I’m sure for some people it was more arousing, but I wasn’t really interested in cuddling that intensely. If I remember the guidelines right, arousal was totally ok – it is a natural phenomenon, after all – but dry humping was not. They have facilitators there who watch for that to make sure the space is kept safe. And of course, at any time, anyone could say no or back off.

By the way, the people who came to the cuddle party were sane, mature people. Not needy losers. I ended up having some really great conversations that afternoon. A bunch of folks were just kind of sprawled out on a bed, guys and girls, relaxed. It was fun. I’d do it again. Great conversations. I made a friend I’ve stayed in touch with. Here’s their website if you want to read more. They have a great FAQ which responds to the sex/arousal/weirdness stuff. If you’re not totally weirded out by it, and you want some more touch in your life, I’d recommend it.

Trustinglife: Thank you for sharing your experience and for clearing up so many of our misconceptions.

@trustinglife: yes, you are the first person to answer who has been to one. What motivated you to try it? The way you describe it, it sounds like a way to meet people.

@trustinglife, Were the people who attended all single, or were there married people also?

The cuddle party I attended wasn’t totally normal, since it was an optional part of a gathering that Reid, Marcia, and I were all attending. So some of the people who came knew each other, which surely contributed to the comfort level. But I hardly knew anyone in that group at that time.

@LostInParadise, to answer your question: I didn’t really know people well enough to know about their relationships. My guess is that maybe half or slightly more were single, and those that weren’t were in a relationship. There were about 40 people, and maybe a married couple or two. Again, this wasn’t a normal cuddle party, though, so I don’t know what is typical.

@Daloon, I’m someone who could use more touch and affection in my life. So I had heard about it for a couple years and I was already curious about it before I had this opportunity.

I appreciate the positive responses to hearing about my experience. I think it’s a sane, good thing.

Thanks for your insight Trustinglife.

Trustinglife, that wasn’t very funny at all. Way to kill our running joke with rational realism.

I cuddle with my weiner dog all the time does that count…

Having once gone almost six months without someone so much as brushing my arm who loved me I fully understand why someone would want to attend. I have heard about them, and while it may seem odd, touch is a very important part of your psychological well being. I don’t think I would go to one, not because I find them creepy or wrong but because I don’t think I need that in my life.

Some people go years without any physical affection, it can make you feel empty and it’s hard to pinpoint what feels wrong.

I don’t plan on going to one, but I certainly won’t judge someone for trying it out.

I had never even heard of such a thing. Cuddling for me is for those I am intimate with. It isn’t merely a physical thing it involves emotional bonding as well.