How long did you want to be alone with you new baby when you came home from the hospital?

Let them know you are wanting to come over soon, but give them the space they need to adjust to their new family.

Very soon, they will notice they are are extremely tired, and would love to have some help while they try and get some sleep.

But, let them be the ones to ask you—knowing that you are willing and able to come over as soon as they want.

What if you wrote them a card congratulating them, expressing that you expect the above, but politely urging them to let you know if there is anything you can do to assist?

I’m not sure they “want to be alone.” Personally, both with my first and (recent) second (4 weeks ago), we were glad to have family around to help. Holding the baby for an hour while the two exhausted parents take a nap (or, to be decadent, a shower). Bringing over (or cooking) a nice dinner. Doing/folding laundry. The list is endless. Don’t be shy about it. Just say, “Unless you two are opposed, I want to come over and help out. I am (preparing) bringing over dinner, and I want to do X, Y and Z to help you guys out. Cool?” I doubt highly that they will say no.

I would suggest waiting 24 hours. We needed just a little quiet to adjust, shower and regroup after the middle of the night trip to the hospital.

Let them know that you are wanting to come over and let them tell you when it is OK.

Bringing them dinner would be awesome!

My daughter didn’t allow visitors (except me) for the first two weeks. I got there when he was 5 days old because I live 1000 miles away. I agree that bringing dinner and wanting to help out will be greatly appreciated, especially once they begin to feel the loss of sleep.

Bear in mind that some first time Mothers get very territorial and she may need a little time to setttle in before she is ready to ‘share” the baby with anyone. So offer help that is not so much related to the baby, but relief for the worn out new mom, like laundry, cooking, etc.

They will appreciate both the help and the respect you show them as parents. Then while you are helping with household chores, you will get to sneak peeks at the baby!

When I visited with my daughter, I cooked and did laundry for her ( a ton!), and pretty much let her and her hubby do the baby chores. She was happy to have my help, and loved showing off her skills with her son.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family.

Oh yeah, One more thing…. don’t forget about post partum depression. If the new Mom doesn’t seem to be herself, try to be as understanding as possible while she goes through all those changes. It should pass in a few weeks.

She called me a bit ago and I told her just to let me know when I can come over. I think she and my brother feel better about having me around because I am about as clueless as they are and I’m not telling her the best way to breast feed (which has been an issue) and do other baby related things. I cooked them dinner last night. They haven’t slept since she was born and I just hate thinking about how tired they are and it’s driving me nuts. My sister-in-law has always been really independent and I think she wants to prove she can handle things on her own.

If she is breastfeeding, one of the best things you can do is to get her one of these. She will love you forever, because these make it so much easier on her, and she won’t go through as much of the pain new Moms do when they are getting used to nursing. My daughter’s best friend got her one and she thinks of it like an AMEX card… ( she won’t leave home without it, ha ha!!)

I think you are being a great sister, and a wonderful aunt, BTW.

@scamp: those are so much better than the things they gave her at the hospital. She looked like she had two shaving cream can tops on her nipples. Thanks for the compliment. My sister-in-law is my hero. She had a really tough labor with no epidural for the last 3 hours and was as cool as a cucumber.

Wow, she is a trooper!! My daughter did the same thing. She had no meds at all. I don’t know how she did it because she has fibromyalgia, and labor is more difficult with that condition. I didn’t know about these sheilds until I saw what her friend got for her. I think they are great, and I wish they were around when I nursed her.

You will learn alot during this time with her. It will help you if you have your own one day. I bet if you do, she will be right there to return the favor!

@scamp. FYI, many lactation consultants are against the use of nipple shields (note, I think the LLL goes overboard on a lot of issues, but they often have useful info). What my wife finds almost indispensable for breastfeeding is this pillow, appropriately named, MyBrestFriend.

Thanks for the info shi. I hadn’t heard of breast shields at all before my grandson was born, and my daughter is having no trouble at all using hers. Before the breast shield, her nipples were becoming sore and raw to the point where it was extremely painfull to nurse. Since she got it, she has no pain, and little Max is happy and healthy. The one problem she has had with it was losing it because it is clear and hard to see!

It’s good to put the information both pro and con out there, because what’s good for one person may not be so good for another.

aww this thread just makes me want to have a baby to play with! ugh. i need to force some of my cousins to get pregnant.

@PnL I know what you mean! I am planning another trip to Florida to see Max now!

Everyone is different. Some need more time to adjust then others. Give them a call to see how they are doing. Let them know that if they need anything to give you a call. Also, ask them to let you know when they are up for company to let you know.