How do you deal with a break-up without losing your head?

I’ve always felt that you never really deal with it UNTIL you lose your head – you have to have that time where you allow yourself to be irrational and upset and angry and sad, where you eat a lot of ice cream and watch a lot of movies and tv, where you’re in a bad mood and can wallow and sort yourself out. After you get that out of your system, THAT’S when you can look at things clearly and get your head back on straight and deal with things. It’s definitely okay to take time to be upset.

Maybe have some rebound fun??

Let’s see.

1. My first ex, oh man it was a hard one maybe because it was my first. But yeah, I dumped him because he fell for my friend and I couldn’t deal with that. What did I do? I ignored him for a while, then we eventually became good friends again. But I made him understand that I needed time ( we were best friends since kindergarden, I guess it was easier for me to move on).

2. This was harsh. It took me about 1 year to FULLY get over him. And what did I do? I put my focus on something else – school and exercise. At first I would watch movies and stay home, then I started to go out and make new friends and everything was okay. Because what I realized towards the end was that it wasn’t worth moping over.

3. We broke up because of distance, and I just couldn’t talk to him for a while. I started to have my own fun again, but yeah…that’s it.

Just try to keep your mind off of it. Movies, friends, parties, school, exercise – anything.

My friends ends up watching Mean Girls 395704825 times – that is if you’re a girl.

Now, my guy friends (who usually ends up being friends with their exes) ends up thinking of all the negative things that happened during the relationship. One of my exes totally took it out on school, his grades went from high C’s to low B’s to straight A’s.

Just find something you enjoy & keep your mind off of it.

Good Luck!

you have to lose your head in order to deal with a break up, if you don’t you must have not really cared about them anyway!

Have a good cry (or 20), then get up and put one foot in front of the other. It will get better, I promise : )

Go for a long drive. Drive until you don’t feel upset anymore, then turn around and regroup on the way back. It might take a few days so make sure you bring a change of clothes.

I would not suggest driving when you’re upset.
As someone who watched her son really loose his head and end up in a psychiatric hospital over a bad break-up, I would suggest you go ahead and feel what you feel, but if you notice your thoughts settling on ideas of hurting yourself or someone else, seek some professional guidance. If you’re in school I am sure there are counseling centers available. Your pain is real and there is no shame in seeking help when you need it. Some people deal with these things better than others.

Maybe you have a hobby that you didn’t get to do as much as you did before the relationship. This happens all the time. Start back gung-ho into golf, skateboarding, exercising,making music, whatever your passionate about. You will find that time enjoyable and it will occupy your thoughts so you dont dwell on the past so much. Maybe join a YMCA and take a class there or swim. Stay busy and time will heal. I promise you will meet someone else that will be better than what you lost. You got to feel bad so you know when you feel good. I hope the best for you.

Talk, scream, cry, punch pillows… Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. That, and time, you’ll be okay. Hang in there!!!

Man, I guess it’s the season for breakups.

While you should allow yourself a reasonable amount of time to grieve and wallow, you should also make a conscious decision to stop at a certain point. Stop talking about him/her, stop reading old emails, get rid of anything you can that makes you think of him/her.

And running helps. Run until it hurts and then run some more. I guess I see it as sort of symbolically choosing to move on/move forward/keep moving, and a reminder that some kinds of pain make you stronger—physically, all the pain you feel running is literally building up strength and endurance; emotionally, it works the same way. Your capacity to feel and endure is growing and broadening and becoming stronger. You’re developing a new level of depth and empathy.

And as hard as it is to believe, these things tend to be for the best in the long run.

@Judi, what you said reminded me of my first serious breakup. It makes me wonder if any of these ideas can work. It felt like someone was tearing out the inside of my head with duct tape. It tore and tore, and it seemed like it would never end. I can see it ending up with a hospitalization.

Some pains are not salvable. They can only slowly diminish with time. All the mind occupying tricks only delay the feelings. Yet, that can be good, because at least it isn’t continuous pain. Still, I think it’s wise to be prepared to suffer for a long time. If you know it could go on, you set your mind differently, and that helps.

Oh. You have to know one other thing. Eventually, the pain will be gone.

Yes, if you’re very upset, driving is not a good idea. Stay away from table saws and drill presses, too.

Cry long and hard, next pack a bag and rent a ‘lil something away from your usual surroundings. Use your time away to do the things you couldn’t do because you were in as relationship. Listen to your music, buy, read, eat, drink and watch your things. And set out to meet new people.
This last thing helps quite a lot, new people bring things in perspective and might learn you to see things you didn’t see before. Not nessacerly about your relationship, but also things that might sparkle you to find new things or people to love.

Volunteer work gets your mind off yourself and you’ll enjoy helping others. You might even get to meet a new friend or more that way.