How can I minimize the awkwardness of forgetting someone's name?

Everyone has done this at one time or another. I think the best thing to do is to simply say “I’m so sorry, I am terrible with names, what is it again?”

To avoid it in the future, I heard someone say once that when you are first introduced, say the person’s name when speaking to them a few times.. IE: Nice to meet you….insert name here… Then whenever you speak to that person say there name, and it should help you to remember it longer.

When people forget my name, I don’t mind hearing an honest “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to remind me of your name”—that is, unless we have never met before, in which case I’m afraid I’m apt to utter a rather cool “I don’t believe we’ve met.” I don’t want a long, self-deprecating explanation: “I’m so terrible with names, I always forget them, I know it’s terrible of, me, honestly, I swear I’d forget my own name if I didn’t carry ID…” For goodness’ sake don’t prolong the agony. Just let me know you need a little help, and I’ll remind you graciously.

A not-too-bad alternative: “I’m sorry, I know we met before, and I do remember talking with you—” [pause] “I’m Francine.” (I get it, Francine, and I remember you, too, and will come to your rescue.)

Third choice, still perfectly acceptable: a friendly smile and/or extension of the hand and a simple “I’m Francine.” I’ll respond warmly with “Hi, yes, Francine, I remember you. I’m <Jeruba>.”

What I don’t want to hear:

—“And your name was—?” (especially in a slightly demanding or imperious tone)
—“Do I know you?” (no, you don’t)
—[outright guess] “You’re Brenda, right?” (never have been, no)
—[to a third party, with a nod my way] “And you’ll have to introduce me…” (excuse me, I think I hear someone calling my name)

I don’t forget names or faces, but I know it’s a gift and a knack, not a matter of choice. I’m terrible with voices, though, so when you call me up, please identify yourself even if you’re my sister.

I usually come up with an excuse for them to spell it for me because i’m adding them to my phone or something. Or I have THEM do it.

I agree with scamp. Simply state you are sorry you can’t remember the name and move on.
I am terrible at names too and it is often awkward in my job when I can’t come up with someone’s name. I’ve always found that a smile and apology goes a long way.

@delirium sneaky… great idea!!

Yeah, I’m a fan of the simple apology, too. A friend of mine refuses to admit that he’s forgotten a name, as he finds this rude. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. So, he just sort of avoids introducing me to the person in question, which creates a really weird vibe.

@juniper;
I’ve learned to just introduce myself in those situations.

how’s this for rude: I have met the same guy 3 different times within a 2 month period. I have been with the same two male co-workers each time, and they say “this is chyna”, or “you remember chyna”. And he says, Nice to meet you and shakes my hand. I must be totally forgettable.

Next time get them to introduce you under a different name.

@chyna You’re right. That is rude You poor thing. that can’t be good for your self esteem!

@juniper I think it’s less rude to just admit being bad with names than to try and trick the person into thinking you know them and make the mistake of calling them by the wrong name, or later in the conversation finally admitting you don’t know it.

Scamp: It happens enough that i’ve learned ways of getting around it.

What if the names you forget are of neighbors you’ve known for years? Or clients who spent an hour talking to you at one time or another?

I can’t remember names and I don’t even really want to try any more. I do often remember facts about the person’s life. I also can’t remember the names of mathematical terms, even though I know the functions they refer to. Online, I have to constantly refer to pms in order to remember who said what to me. It’s difficult with all this information, and no physical person to attach it to.

Nowadays, though, even words I’ve know for decades are becoming difficult to retrieve. I have to work at it. Sometimes it’ll take ten minutes to come up with it. But that’s probably a side-effect of my meds. Or so I hope. Hmmm, I wonder if I could use that as an exuse for forgetting names…...?

I forget people’s names all the time. I always just say “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.” People are generally nice about it. If it seems suitable to do so, I often tell them I likely won’t remember it the next time we meet either, and that the fault is entirely my own.

I’m normally really good at remembering people’s names – so I have lots of practice reminding new acquaintances who I am. Recently I forgot someone’s name – someone I play frisbee with and have had quite a few conversations with over the last year. I’ve already asked to be reminded of her name once or twice, so I feel like I’ve used up my good graces. I’m hoping next time I see her, I can turn to someone else and say, “What’s her name again?”

If you’re looking for a tip from someone who’s normally really good with this… I really pay attention when I’m meeting someone. That’s my secret.

So I used to do this with people at the bars all the time and when I would see them out and they come up and say “Hey Ryan!” (thats me) I always just say “Hey, how are you?” etc. It changes the subject from their name to something else. And then if you really want to know their name, because sometimes who cares, then I would just ask one of my friends if they knew or if not then I would just listen until someone else says it and then later on throw their name into the conversation, that way it looks like you knew it all along in case they were wondering. Haha I am sooo bad at names that I have mastered this technique.

im awful at names, met someone whilst out shopping recently who was a friend of a friend who had come out drinking with us. i couldnt remember his name so kept calling him bro- “how you been bro?..” (im far too old to be calling anyone bro!) he told me to phone him to organise another day out but i didnt have his phone number so he said he would give it to me. i had to give him my phone so he would add his number as i told him i didnt know how to add contacts. he added his phone number then gave me back phone but had exited contact list so i still didnt know his name. half the contacts in my phone are numbers which im clueless to who they belong

I use the “hey…Man…” approach a lot. It’s pretty obvious.
I’ll start using the cell phone thing whenever applicable now.

It works wonders!!

@delirium, but what if her name turns out to be ‘Mary Smith,’ or something equally familiar and easy to spell? Mary Smith is gonna know what’s up. ;)