Has anyone had a healthy marriage with a borderline spouse?

What do you mean by a borderline spouse?

I think they mean a spouse diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder.

Though not strictly about spouses, you may find some useful information here. Good luck to you.

As someone who has been around a LOT of borderlines, I can say “maybe” but it’s very difficult. Mariages/relationships are built upon trust, and you can’t trust a borderline. They have no moral centre, no empathy, like to manipulate, and really, aren’t dependable. They also can’t handle ambiguity, which there is a lot of in a relationship. However, if the person is receiving some sort of treatment, the spouse is understanding and lays VERY STRICT relationship rules, then maybe, just maybe, it will work.

However, I do like to advise the general public that when you meet a borderline, make like Monty Python and politely “run away run away”. Don’t get caught in their web of manipulation!

@seekingwolf: You’re clearly biased against them. Not all people with the disorder are bombs waiting to go off in your life.

@asmonet perhaps not, but it’s very possible that they can be. I don’t know about you, but I think people who are lacking in moral centres need to be treated very carefully.

Again, I’ve known 4 diagnosed borderlines so far, and all of them made my life a living hell when I knew them. Totally not worth it. :p

@wolf: Without getting into a whole ‘thing’ on the topic and derailing your thread, I’ve known two. One was yes, lacking in every way and a giant mistake to associate with. The other, was a dear friend of mine who understood her differences and further understood her role in society was best kept stable. She was highly intelligent and looked at the situation logically. At times she could be cruel, but then again we all can be. We developed cues to alert her to the minor social grievances she was committing and it helped her quite a bit. Maybe the only reason for her never betraying any of her friends was because it wasn’t in her interest to do so… but still I think the same can be said about a lot of people. Borderlines are no different than everyone else, they’re just a bit more extreme with their self-interest.

@asmonet

Wow, I think it’s good that your one friend was able to recognize that she had a problem and dealt with it logically. Honestly, I’ve NEVER seen a borderline do that. All the borderlines I knew were “friends” but kept trying to screw me over and of course, had zero self-awareness. It scared me.

I encouraged one to go into the army because there’s no ambiguity there and there are rules for him to follow. Needless to say he loves it and I’m glad he’s not near me anymore.

The borderline I’m dealing with currently has been “stalking” me and others, and I avoid her, even running away when I see her and lying about where my dorm is.

I’m sorry, but I suppose my bad experiences with these people, unlike what you have, has taught me that I don’t want ANY in my personal life.

@seekingwolf: That’s completely understandable. Really, I think the difference is that she had a mild to moderate case, I don’t know as much about it as I probably should considering the run-ins I’ve had. A few things happened that pointed out to her that the world was not being viewed the same way on her end as it was on ours and we acted as her moral compass from then on. There’s a difference between my two friends I think, and that’s malice. One had every intention of hurting those around him, and the other, understood she would get nothing in the long-term is she acted only to serve herself in all situations. I guess in the end she was still being selfish, just smarter about it. Then again like I said before, we’re all guilty of that to an extent.

I’m glad you were able to help your friend (?) find something that worked for his life and well-being. And I’m hopeful that if you do happen to meet any others they aren’t quite so negative an influence on your life. :)