Etiquette question. We are going to an engagment party - the son of not-so-close friends. What is appropriate to spend on a gift?

If they are not-so-close friends, why are you going to the engagement party and wedding? You are not required to attend a party when invited by a casual acquaintance. Do you even know the young couple? Do you know their tastes or lifestyle? If you must, go to where they are registered and buy them a pair of sugar tongs from their list and be done with it.

Remember RSVP means you can send a note saying, “Thank you for remembering us, but we have a prior commitment”

Honestly, I find those invitations very tacky. Why invite someone, especially to an engagement party, that is not close enough to actually know the couple. I’d be more inclined to RSVP no to the engagement party and see where it leads when it’s time for wedding invites to go out. You might just find that you don’t get invited.

If, however, you do get invited to the wedding, and you decline, most people still send a gift. Remember, you have up to one year (though I think that is pushing it!) to send a gift to the newlyweds.

“Engagement gift”?!?!???

You’re supposed to give the gifts in the scenarios you describe but there’s no law that says you have to conform. Are you willing to do away with the “not-so-close” friendship? Sometimes people send the invites just to GET the gifts.

In grad school, I worked for 2 days with a woman on a project. She handed me an invite to her wedding (we hadn’t exchanged personal info even). I felt it was CLEARLY to get a gift. I didn’t go nor did I give. So what if I lost this “friendship” that wasn’t one at all?

@ galileo girl – I said in the details that we are not going to the wedding.

I think I wasn’t clear about the relationship. The family are not intimate friends, but they are friends. The son who is getting married is a close friend from high school of my younger son and the mother is in my book group. So I do know them fairly well and do want to go to the party (but probably not the wedding). My question was about engagement party gifts and if anyone has any knowledge of what is expected.

I have never heard of an engagement party, let alone one where gift giving is expected. Especially when the wedding is being planned enough so that you know you will not go. That’s a ridiculous gift grab attempt to me. If I were to go to one though and I knew I wasn’t going to the wedding, I would give one gift to the couple which was meant as a wedding gift (and said so on the tag). I don’t think an engagement is worthy of a gift, people get into (and break out of) engagements all the time. Let alone when the wedding is being planned. That’s so tacky to me.

Would people be less offended if it were called a pre-wedding party?
The couple may just want to plan a more casual get-together before the wedding.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties tend to exclude older and more family-oriented friends.

As for whether to give a gift or not, it depends on how close you are
and what you got them already as an engagement gift.

I’ve heard of and been invited to engagement parties before, my point was it is tacky to invite people that really aren’t friends or really so far removed from the couple that it just doesn’t make sense. I think in this case, it is kind of tacky that they were invited and put in a position of possibly needing or feeling compelled to buy a gift, for a couple they really don’t know.

Mr_M is correct, you don’t have to buy a gift. Some people just feel better buying a gift and feel uncomfortable not giving, in a “gift giving” situation.