How do you decide who to put in your fluther?

I add people in a desperate attempt for popularity and self-esteem building, myself.

I initially added a few of the core fluther folks to my fluther, but then decided that I didn’t really like the program. I understand the theory behind it, and agree that it will be helpful should fluther ever become so large as to be unwieldy, but in the meantime it seems elitist and somewhat of a popularity contest. Since then, I have pretty much ignored it.

I added no one in a desperate attempt not to have a clue.

I don’t add anyone unless I am added to someone’s fluther and then I add them.
So far I have…1 I think.

Usually, if someone impresses me with a surprisingly large amount of knowledge, or they say something that represents what I stand for, I add them.

I have only asked two people because I found that they were both well rounded, thoughtful, caring, intelligent and can handle a joke now and then. I have had the pleasure of others asking me which I very cordially accepted.

I don’t regard it as “friending” and think it is fine if it’s not reciprocal. I add people whose comments especially interest or impress me in some way, people I feel a connection to, and people I might want to be able to recall or find readily for some reason. I don’t care about popularity or “core“ness. Occasionally I do use it for the stated purpose—to filter questions—but mostly it is an expression of my interest in them and a tool for ease of access.

Even if it turns out that the impulse to connect doesn’t last, I don’t delete them. I would do that only for some strong specific reason.

Like aanuszek1, I tend to add someone on the spur of the moment if they quip something noticeably witty or intelligent.

But then, sometimes I forget.

I never re-fluther someone just because they added me to their fluther, though.

And I don’t use the “My Fluther” functionality much at all… so why I add anyone anyway is beyond me.

I added a lot of my Askville friends here. Also 2 or 3 from here who was nice enough to write me about something that I’ve said here. One wrote me that I’d lost contact with on AV & I was thrilled to get him back.

I still feel like I’m on the outside looking in on this site, so I mostly just sit back & watch.

I don’t use it to filter questions. I use it as a one time shot to let someone know that I want to sleep with them.

Wow, @JP, <looking at your fluther> you’re a busy lad.

JP, looks like if it moves, you’re on it!

@daloon, not quite, I’m not there, LOL.

Pretty much what robmandu said – it’s not a very planned approach, more as it comes to mind, whether it’s because I’ve seen posts from a flutherer that I found interesting/amusing/intriguing or because I see that they added me.

I don’t usually use the My Fluther filter – only if I haven’t checked in for a while and out of curiosity want to see what ‘the usual suspects’ have been up to – question-wise.

You know, I began by adding people I recognized and who I thought were interesting, but as time goes by, I’m not sure I find having a fluther very useful. I rarely refer to mine now, and I rarely add anyone.

I feel very informal about my presence in fluther. I usually visit once a day, and if there is time and I feel pulled to, I answer a question. I enjoy reading the answers and tend to compliment people right then and there if I feel they are interesting, or if what they said struck a chord with me.

I enjoy fluther, but I feel much more a member of other online communities like Askville and Facebook. But the informality of fluther definitely has its benefits, too.

I add someone when I read a post of theirs that I really like. And I do on occasion use my Fluther to filter questions to see what those peeps are up to.

I add folks because I don’t get to log on every day; and when I finally do, all the good questions I missed are waiting for me in my fluther. Saves me a little “wading” time.

@tabbycat…hello, old friend. Askville is my home base, too. Old habits die hard, don’t they?

I added you to my fluther even before I realized I sorta knew you from that other place. I can see why people would add you – you say interesting stuff.

Interesting, smart, funny people. I don’t think of it as ‘friending’ or reciprocal either. Sometimes I think someone is already in my fluther, and realize they are not. I hate when that happens, and rectify the situation as soon as I notice it. If I ‘know’ someone, they’re in there too.

august; you hit it.

1) If I really liked something they had to say
2) If they added me to theirs

@jbfletcherfan, Hi, there, friend! It’s nice to see your cute squirrel in another locale.

Yes, old habits indeed die hard!

@tabby, yes, especially when you feel like the lone wolf, as I kind of do here.

Yes, I feel very much the same way. I enjoy fluther, but I definitely don’t feel part of a community in the way I have at Askville. However, these days, fluther seems to have a lot more life to it than—that other place. I guess there are always trade-offs.

Interesting comments, AVers. I spent a month at Askville and never found a way to fit in. It felt very clubby and exclusive to me, and an awful lot of time and energy went into fighting. I never did get it straight who the white hats and the black hats were, and that ‘gold’ business seemed very silly to me.

It was there that I heard about Fluther. I felt comfortable at once over here and met some warm, welcoming members right away. I really like everything about it: the architecture of the site, the “lurve” system, the fluthering (vs. friending), the quality of the membership, and the responsiveness of the Fluthergods. I don’t sense any of that jaw-clenching rage that permeated AV. I’m planning to stick around. There’s nothing at AV to go back for.

What would it take for you to feel at home here?

@Jeruba – AMEN. I was over there for about a year and a half…I stayed out of the increasingly cliquish behavior, but it’s hard to feel integrated into a community when you’re trying to avoid joining up with one of the gangs. Here you make friends, you build the community that suits you and you run it your way…it’s kind of like the SIMS.

@jeruba…I don’t know. (Hi, Dale) I also think the gold coin thing at AV is ridiculous. It’s some people’s goal in life to accumulate as many as they can. And for what? They’re worthless.

I think I’d have felt better here if I hadn’t been on AV for so long. I’ve made a lot of close friends over there. I DO notice your posts & I enjoy them. I agree, there’s a lot of carping over there, but I just move on & stay out of it. Right now I jump back & forth. I’m here more than I used to be, watching for familiar names. It’ll just take time, I guess.

I hope someday soon you’ll feel right at home!

Thank you. I’m trying. :-)

I, too, hated the cliquish nature of AV. It seemed designed to create conflict, and it was conflict over nothing I found worth taking seriously. The fact that others did was disturbing.

Unfortunately, I see signs of it starting here. When people ask questions about who is the best this or that, it gives others a chance to join a group. Once people all band together, to support someone as best flutherer (or whatever the question asks), you either are in (supporting that someone) or out (not really knowing who that someone is).

It can grow from there, as people all congratulate each other on their wisdom in selecting whoever they selected, and people who don’t know the selected person, or who didn’t support that person, or who didn’t vote, are on the outside.

I hope this kind of thing doesn’t continue. It’s a dangerous think to start ranking people. As long as there is no ranking, everyone is equal. As soon as that equality stops, the race for a higher position in the pecking order starts, and that’s a disaster.

Yes, there have been several questions over on AV like that. I refuse to answer. That’s a good way to start hard feelings. It can be a “what about me?” thing.

I hadn’t thought of it like that…I looked at those questions as all in good fun. Now that I have read those two responses, above, I can see how that might make people feel ‘outside’. I’ll be more careful about that, in the future. Thanks for the insight!

I too just stay away from it…here and anywhere else, unless there’s really a clear answer. And I’m just pleasantly surprised if someone mentions me, I don’t expect it or get hurt if I’m not singled out. I’m just in it for the fun, not the glory.

I agree, Dale.

Those questions seem to pop up from time to time, but I’ve noticed the ‘popular ones’ change over time….....6 months ago, the ones that got ‘picked’ weren’t the same as the ones in the more recent Q’s.
It’s not permanent, and maybe some read more in to it than they should, but I think the majority of the collective just see it as a bit of fun (even if it is slightly introverted for a collective to be asking questions about itself).
In the end, I don’t think those questions are what draw new users or make Fluther what it is – it’s just an element that inevitably follows when people connect – and as long as Fluther keeps getting new members, I don’t think it’ll get trapped in that element.

Very interesting comments—especially jeruba and dale. I have no problem with the cliquishness at Askville (I just ignore it!), but the nastiness of some of the people, and the gaming for gold does bother me. As my squirrel friend says, it’s worthless, so what’s the big deal?

I poured a lot of myself into Askville, and am not sure I have as much to give to fluther or any other site, but I do enjoy being here, and, like jbfletcherfan, I’m trying to feel part of this community. Thanks to everyone for their encouragement.

Ones putting me in theirs first speaks volumes to me about their intelligence and taste.