How do you respond to someone who seems to begin every conversation with "What's new?"?

I don’t think about it…ever. It’s just a greeting.

Usually, if someone greets me in an odd way I mess with them. What’s up? The direction opposite of down. What’s new? I grew an extra toe. The doctors say it’s a miracle. Would you like to see?

Then again, I have almost no shame in social situations.

I can’t imagine something as trivial as “What’s new?” being associated with ineptitude. Sounds kind of elitist to me. Why not be happy someone even cares enough to greet you at all? Never mind the manner in which they choose to do it.

I suppose they just mean “what’s new in your life?” I would answer that I guess. If they did it every time they came up to me then I would go over the top so they would be too afraid to ask me again. Something like:

IS ANYTHING EVER NEW WHEN YOU ASK SOMEBODY THAT QUESTION? NOPE NOTHING IS NEW WITH ME BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH WAS NEW? THE QUESTION THAT YOU ASK EVERY TIME YOU SEE SOMEONE! IF THAT WERE NEW THEN YEAH SOMETHING WOULD BE NEW WITH ME! EFF!

I don’t know if that’s very practical though..

@queenz: Meanie. ;)

“What’s new? I heard your mother just passed away last week. How’s that workin out for ya?”

that said, i dont find “what’s new” particularly offensive, but i agree that the repetition could eventually get frustrating.

I am with asmonet on this one, I do the same thing. I say something totally absurd most of the time. I guess it depends on the person though. If it’s a family member I haven’t talked to in some time I’ll probably tell them what is new in my life. If it’s an old high school friend I just bs. Depends on my mood too I guess. Basically the phrase doesn’t bother me, I just respond with whatever pops in my head.

“v over lambda”

(Physics geeks will understand)

i don’t think twice about it, i usually say “nothing, same old same old. what’s new with you?” then i let that really start the conversation.

i kind of usually just say “not much” or some other meaningless response. same with “how are you”, depending on who’s asking. i’m thinking, do they really want to know how i am? should i tell them how shitty my day is? etc, etc. and usually i settle with “pretty good, you?” because usually they don’t actually care. haha.

Answer 1: Stick him with a fork.
Answer 2: It’s all pretty old news.
Answer 3: Have you got an hour so I tell you in detail?
Answer 4: What’s up, Doc?
Answer 5: Hold up a card that says, “I have laryngitis.”

Rattle off the date and time, and make up a statistic- “as we speak, approximately 4400 monkeys peeled a banana” “washing machines consumed 14,000 single socks” “83 sleeping people ingested a hapless spider” “2172 persons sighed with pleasure while consuming a Vlasic dill pickle.” Should keep them mentally occupied long enough to make a gracious exit.

It doesn’t really bother me, but if it did I’d go with Gail’s Answer 1!

I’m partial to Gail’s Answer 5, personally. I’m off to make myself an index card to carry around!

How ‘bout handing out one of these?