To the Ladys, How do you feel about the man staying home to watch the kids?

Don’t have any kids, but if/when I do…I’d consider it a damn blessing.

My brother-in-law is the stay at home dad. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as the couple is ok. I don’t know if I could do it but that’s just because I’d rather be the stay at home mom. :) I love being a mommy

Even without kids I’d be fine with it – as it is we often struggle to make time for housework, cooking, general maintenance, etc. If I could earn a bit more and he were to stay home and look after all those things, I’d be delighted.

I guess I should clarify a little, in my last post women for the most part said the man having an income was pretty important. So then I wondered about the stay at home scenario, and how does income no longer become important at that point? And maybe why. Or maybe its just the way I asked the question both times. not sure

I didn’t follow your previous post, but when you first get together with someone, it is important (at least to me) that he is taking care of himself and an income would be a pretty key part of that.
Even as a couple, all things being equal, it’s important that both pull their weight, whether that means bringing an income to the household or other.
Having said that, if you decide to split the tasks differently and one brings the income, the other looks after the practical matters – I’d still consider that equally pulling your weight in the relationship.

My ex and I always agreed that if I could have made the amount of money he did, we’d have switched roles in a heartbeat. I liked working, and missed it as a stay-at-home mom, and he was actually better at staying on top of the housework and parenting. I would have no problem whatsoever with this.

@lkid- I see your point, but as long as he had a job before and I knew he was responsible I wouldn’t mind him staying home. But like I said, I’d call dibs before he could.

Every family needs to play to its own strengths.

In our household my husband was the more ardent cook, while I was the one with all the tools and the desire to crawl around under the sink to install a new food disposer. He knew how to change diapers, having been charged with the care of his baby sister, while I was better at putting the crib together.

In fact, I did make more money than he did and eventually, when he had to retire for health reasons, he did become a full-time dad.

I see no problem with a man staying home to care for the kids. Ditto a woman doing the same. As long as the bills are paid, the house and kids are taken care of, and both partners are happy with their roles it does not matter who stays home.

At least one parent should remain home with the kids, regardless of gender. The stability and base is something that kids will never verbally articulate, but they’ll come to value as adults when they have their own family.

I can’t understand the rationale of families where both parents make good money, and neither chooses to be at home to raise the family they chose to bear, instead shuffling the responsibility and the connection off to some surrogate…

The whole notion of the latchkey kid or the kids being raised by their grandparents or an au pair when it’s not a vital necessity is utterly selfish and ridiculous…some folks in my family are choosing that path right now with two very young kids (under 3), and needless to say, I’m a bit perturbed by the concept.

@snd- Yes it would be ideal if one parent could stay home… but some of us are single parents with not a lot of options. My son is a very happy little boy and I think it is because he is always surrounded by people that love him, even when I have to go to work. I’d rather not ever have to put him in daycare so until then he will be watched by his grandparents and his “aunt” (which is really just one of my good friends.)

If I made the kind of money that would support that sort of thing (which I don’t), doing something that I love (which I don’t), I’d be fine with that. If I don’t make enough money, we couldn’t afford for it to happen anyway, and if I don’t love what I do, I’d resent him for being able to do the thing that I’d want to be doing.

This is one reason we don’t have kids. We’ve never been able to afford it. (I have to keep paying my taxes so I can afford to help support the people that didn’t think this through as well as we have. Heh.)

Whatever floats each family’s boat.

When my boys were eleven years old my husband became the stay at home parent due to circumstance rather than choice. However, it has worked out well for our family. Husband was always a better nuturer than I and our boys(who are now close to thirty years old) have a very close relationship with their dad.
I think every family has to to what works best for them.

My ex and I made a deal that whoever made enough to support the family would keep their job and the other would stay home. He made enough first so I stayed home. In my previous life as a “mom’s club” mom I knew several stay-at-home dads.

My hubby stayed home for the first five years of each of our kids’ lives. It was great!! I went to school during the day while he was home, then he went to work at night. We were totally poor anyway, but knew it would pass and were willing to live without luxury so that our kids were raised by us, not a stranger caring for ten other children. I can’t express how thankful I am that we made that decision. My kids have experienced fewer illnesses, know that a parent is always home, and expect routine and structure. My husband is still daddy and spends a lot of time with the kids just because he likes them. Of course as the kids have gotten older, our schedules have changed, but we’ve always made one parent home when kids are a priority, so it happens.

@krose-my position was related to two-parent households; part of my upbringing did involve single-parent scenario, so I can totally identify with what you were saying.

You might well ask how folks would feel about a male baby sitter, or a man running the daycare class.

You don’t know what you’re talking about if you haven’t been in that situation. It really makes you think about whether you are willing to let your kids be part of a social experiment. People still look funny at men who want to work with toddlers and babies. It just doesn’t feel right.

@Daloon: Good point. My children (3 girls) live mainly with their father for various reasons. (Don’t worry, I see them all the time) Shortly after our separation, some of our children’s friend’s parents were uncomfortable with letting their daughters attend sleep-overs. Four years later, that has changed dramatically. As people become more accustomed to seeing males in these roles, the awkwardness lessens. Getting to know the stay-at-home dads/babysitters/preschool teachers as individuals certainly helps, too.

@daloon: one of the best teachers at the Montessori school/daycare center my kids went to was a man named George. No one ever was surprised about George or his popularity with the kids.

You know how progressive the Montessori folk are. I’m not surprised.

We had a young man running the room when my son was 2 or 3, and I thought he was great, while having just a little niggling of wondering in the back of my mind.

We never had any doubts about George, but the same could not be said for Mr. Bill, who ran the playground. The kids did NOT like him but would never say why.

In Sweden mothers and fathers alike, can stay home for a maximum of 12 months (or so, for each parent) with 80% of their salary. Fathers are encouraged to stay at home for some time.

@jazzjeppe: it’s not only Sweden
In fact, as far as maternity leave is concerned, I believe Norway tops the list with a choice of 12 months 100% paid or 24 months 50% paid.

It’s a hardship on the employer to hire and train people who are going to be gone for long periods. When this is assumed to be the female role, it perversely affects women in the workplace by making them less likely to be hired, especially in countries with long, statutory maternity leave.

BBC story

Perhaps if it is shared more equally between men and women, the liability will spread out and no single gender looks like a worse bet.

All part of the EU’s agenda to introduce gender equality