How can you be assertive without being an asshole?

A person who is assertive does not need to yell or bully those around them. Instead, they exude confidence and authority…assertiveness does not equate with aggressiveness….assertiveness has more to do with not letting yourself get walked all over and allowing those who work with you/beneath you to see your strength. Good luck…

Assertive and aggressive don’t have to mean the same thing. Being assertive could be a simple as just being bold and decisive. For example speaking up about something you care about as opposed to staying quiet.

In any case, you should not try to change the way you act because others say so. I mean, if you’re comfortable with being unassertive and that means a couple of people think you’re a wimp, who cares? Sod ‘em. Be yourself.

There is a popular myth that says you have to be aggressive to get ahead… Mostly propagated by assh*les. Be yourself, always be curtious, be knowledgeable, stand up for your (informed) beliefs, and treat others at least as well as you expect to be treated and you will be far ahead if most people.

An assertive person does not attack the character of others. He sticks with the issue at hand, and while standing firm on his needs/position, he keeps in view the needs/position of others and shows respect for the dignity of those with whom he disagrees.

Yeah thats an interesting question. I guess it would be easier to answer if I knew what your line of work was. But just in general, it is a pretty thin line to walk. I guess the main thing is just realize what has to be done, and make everyone else clear of what you expect. You can go about that different was as you can with everything. You can say, hey guys we need to speed up our work so we hit budget we are moving too slow. Or you can say something like, Hey you sorry asses lets get this done some time this week. If your doing sales though, thats kind of a different approach as well.

Agree with Lkidkyle really does depend on job or situation you in. Sometimes you do have to be a as$ simply to get people motivated. But you should never get personal or be sarcastic.

Basically I would say try to stay calm and use as little words as possible just say what you need or what you want. Be polite. If you really think a situation will lead to controversy maybe write a letter or send an e-mail to the person.

Structure your words so you can lead your audience in their own door of reasoning and out your own to be persuasive. Another way to look at being assertive is just to question everything in your mind rather than accepting everything. This will manifest as assertion in my experience. Be ready to challenge anything, and do so with confidence; don’t give in easily, but fall humbly.

Simply make sure that whatever point you’re trying to get across is well understood and move on. Don’t obsess over making people see things your way, and always think before you speak.

no kidding, there was an episode of spongebob that really covered this pretty well. (i thought so anyway).
i think the trick is to just stand up for yourself in a respectful manner.

I try to standup to people and end up pissing them off then I look like some kind of bad guy. Thx for the advice I’ll try some that stuff

Knowing when to fight the fight, or choosing your battles is some good advice I use in assertive parenting, which can also be applied to everyday life. That, and not overstretching yourself- knowing when to say “No” to people when your heart’s not in it—always be true to yourself.