My friend and her boyfriend live in their own world, is this normal?

Since you decided to write a question about her, I bet you care about her and are concerned. It sounds to me like you don’t think it’s healthy, and you’re uncomfortable with it. Is that true?

My guess is that if the Fluther collective deems that this situation is in fact unhealthy, you would just have more righteousness when you have the conversation with her. If you go to try to convince her to get out more and be more healthy, I doubt that would make a difference for her – other than to alienate her from one of her few friends (you).

What I think would be more effective is to be very curious with her, about whether it’s working for her! If it is, why would she change? If it’s not, of course you could support her in getting out more and meeting more people.

To answer your question, it’s a valid choice that a lot of couples make. Seems to me they are getting most of their needs met through each other, so why would they go out? They may be missing out on things, but if they don’t know or care, that’s the way it is. If they don’t want to change, that leaves you with the choice to accept the situation the way it is, and stay or leave.

Couples often tend to cut down on seeing the friends they had when they were single, once they become a couple. As far as the trust issues, that might be a little more problematic, but it’s hard to tell.

If my guy made me dinner all the time, though, I wouldn’t want to go out as much either. ;) Then again, I’m just not one of those people that goes out a lot.

@Trustinglife I agree with you. That for now it is working, so perhaps it is not really a problem at all. Plus, everyone is different. I like to go out a lot and my boyfriend and I have been together for much longer, but that’s just us.

I am worried about their future though. What might work now, could later become isolating and boring. I’ve heard that many marriages end because of this isolation.

@Ronski, you might consider then just dropping an innocent hint of what you said here. Here’s what I’d do:

Emphasize that you love her unconditionally (if you do – I don’t know how strong your relationship is). Reassure her that you’re not going anywhere (if you’re not). Ask her permission to share something that’s of concern to you (this will open her up for the conversation). Share how much you enjoy going out often with your boyfriend. Tell her what it gives to you as a person, and as a couple. Mention – lightly – your concern about how much they stay in (lightly, not heavy-handed, with guilt, doom, and shame). And then don’t bring it up again. That’s what I’d do.

When you’re single your free time = 100% (meaning you can do whatever YOU want 100% of the time)

When you are seeing someone, your free time gets cut in half to 50% since you have to spend time with you significant other (less time for friends assuming you have any)

Once you get married, that time gets cut down even more since you have to go to His/Her family’s house, hang out with his/her friends etc.

Then when you bring a child into this world, your significant other has to spend time with the baby, and you have to spend time with the baby. So you even have LESS time to spend with him/her

Total Free Time formula:

TFT = (u+so)to the power of ft / (X relative+Y friends) – (4n / 100)

where n is the number of kids

Who knows, unless there’s is serious reason to believe there is abuse… it’s not really your business. Tell her you’re concerned, offer your support should she need it and leave it at that if you must say something.

Well, it sounds like she is happy and so is he, right? If they are both functioning (happy, working, paying off bills, etc) then what is there to worry about? If one or more parties isn’t happy anymore than you know something is wrong.

Some couples may prefer to spend most of their time together, others may not. Has she been this way for the whole two years that she’s been with him? It may just be what she and her guy likes. I think anyone at any age can stay at home a lot. Heck, I’m 19 and I don’t like to go out. Does that make me abnormal? No – I’m a happy, functional human being.

The thing that DOES worry me is that he’s “jealous” of your friendship. I’m sorry, but that’s a red flag there. That’s reason to just keep an eye for her and see how she does in the future, but I wouldn’t try to run in and stop it now.

Just give it time and see if it sours into something unhealthy. Then talk to her again.

I wonder why you care?

@Mizuki and why do you wonder that?

Oh yea, and I care because she doesn’t actually seem that satisfied with her life and, like I said to trust, I think that relationships like this can become very isolating, to the point where she has no other friends whatsoever. Because I always have to come into her space as a friend, I am not always happy about that. I like friendships that go both ways, but perhaps I worded this question wrongly and I should have made it more about our relationship rather than theirs. Sorry!

I wonder about people that make it their mission to “save” their “friends” from the relationships that their friends think are not working. 9 times out of ten, the “friend” is incapable of relationships, and just sharing misery buy attempting to break up others.

But hell, it is the spirit of the season, rock on…..

@Mizuki I realize that there is nothing really wrong with their relationship, and maybe more wrong with our friendship. I will re-word this question in the future.

But in general, I think sometimes people are in bad relationships (i.e abusive) and that if I was in one, I would wish for a friend to at least say something to me. This relationship is fine, and I don’t think it’s their relationship together that is unhealthy, but the fact that my friend doesn’t go out ever and only wants to do things to her own convenience with friends, and than blames her friends for ditching her constantly. And I do think it’s weird that he has NO friends at all, but each to their own.

Personally, I am not the type to get involved in other people’s relationships unless they ask me for advice. On the other hand, I will tell my friend if I am having a problem with them personally. Like I said before, I am realizing that this is less about their relationship and more about our friendship, so thank you for the help!