You know you're old when...

you go to bed before midnight on New Years eve.

Current top-40 hits aren’t so hot anymore, and you start wondering about “kids these days who listen to this crap.”

…you think dark socks with shorts is a pretty sharp fashion statement.

When you start to feel old…. you can be as young as you want.

…your kid sends you out of the room becasue the program on TV might be too dirty for you. (Puts a whole new meaning on the term “Parental Advisory”!)

You pee a little bit every time you sneeze.

Your joints crackle more than your breakfast cereal.

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age… And isn’t breaking any laws.
You send money to PBS.
You wear black socks with sandals.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You got cable for the weather channel.

You argue tooth-and-nail with your teenager about MTV having all crap shows, and start ranting about “I remember when they used to show VIDEOS!!” Then they roll their eyes as you leave the room.

Your idea of an exciting evening is eating Werther’s Original and watching Wheel of Fortune.

When you are consistently referred to as “Ma’am” and no longer “Miss”.

When someone asks you if are the parent of a 19 year old. Ech! Really? A 19 year old?!!?

You know how to play bridge…

You ask your server if they could “please turn the music down.”

…and maybe the heat up.

You have a great dream with a sexy guy in it and he’s giving you a massage rather than sex (true story).

You have Haband bookmarked for your clothing needs.

When you’re endearingly referred to as ‘old school.’

When you are reading “You know you are old when…” questions and you nod your head sagely instead of laughing. Then ask, “What were we talking about?” And when no one answers you realize it’s because you’re home by yourself reading “if” lists.

you have a mom voice or equivalent.

when you start carrying your own hard candy in your purse that was once offered to you by and elder

*an

you answer a question about getting old thinking “Damn, I know this one…”

You go to a family reunion and realize that you are the “older generation”.

you regard a kitten as a means to an end.

Jeruba, what a great answer, kitten. LMAO

… no one buys you anything to actually play with for Christmas.

You know your old when you fart dust.

When going down the steps, your knee creaks more than the stairs.

… you look forward to a good salad.

you vote Republican…
and have an AARP card… which just so happens comes in a packet containing the rules for Bridge…

… you watched the original shorts of The Simpons on The Tracy Ulmann Show.

Oh, I loved that show!
<< Is officially old.

You start obsessing about your bowels.

When you see pictures from a high school reunion and say, “Damn, I look better than most of them. I KNEW I should’ve went.”

…you get carded at the bar because the young bouncer’s being a sweet kid, and you both know it.

(“I knew I should’ve gone.”)

…you stop to consider if the hang-over to follow is worth the partying you want to do.

@sakata, i think mtv is a crap station. i must have wisdom beyond my years haha (;

The Wise Tiffany speaks for all to hear lol

It takes you 5 minutes to walk from the living room to the kitchen?
....I tried. :D

Your brain makes a promise that your body can’t keep!

@tiffy- I second that notion. I can’t stand it!! Garbage, all of it.

… you remember being able to tune into MTV any time of day and actually watch music videos.

That pretty perky little butterfly tattoo you got several years ago now looks like a droopy sick vulture.

Read that as “sloppy dick vulture”.

No idea what that means.

@richardhenry Well that all depends on where you put the tat!! ha ha!!

@90s_kid: I’ll get down from this tree with my binoculars immediately.

Edit: His quip originally said “Pervert”. You can’t change it after I reply, no fair! :)

I’ll back you on that.. I saw it too!!

Oh yeah sorry. I’ll put it again:

Pervert

(I just dd it to save space).

Hee hee!! RH got called a pervert twice in one thread!! Too funny!! J/K

Your kid is hosting the family holiday dinners at her house and you look forward to sleeping in before heading over there.

When someone greets you with “How have you been?” and your answer is health related involving talk of your joints, muscles, and/or hair.

… you go to a Brazilian churrascaria for the great salad bar.

@rob there’s one of those in NYC, and it was one of the best meals I’ve ever had. I don’t think I can eat that much ever again.

When you start telling people “you got taller!”.

When you yell, “Hey you kids! Get off of my lawn!” and children run from you.

…when you catch yourself saying “it wasn’t like that in my day”

…You realize that you still say some of these phrases and didn’t realize they were no longer popular.

D’oh!