How do I get laid tonight?

You.

Maybe you should go offer your poor sister a Capri Sun or something. She’s ill and it’s Christmas, man! How can you feasibly do the naked bone dance with her around or any of your other family members??

Go find the local jack-shack and call it night.

I will, however, give you a GA for asking. One’s got to appreciate that.

I’d move a little to the right peedub

@peedub: I gave my sister a few tylenols, she’s in bed on skype and she just had some bad pasta tonight. And we don’t celebrate Christmas, so it’s not a special Christmas ruining illness. Also, I’ve been on the beach with a bunch of hot babes in bikinis, it would really bring my morale down if I had the opportunity to get with one of these hot women and didn’t take it.

@krose: That is extremely unfair and hurtful. You don’t even know me. If you did know me, you would know that I’m usually extremely reserved and have been described as “chivalrous” at times. Sometimes I don’t even have the courage to go up and talk to girls, so this is a night where I have to take advantage of my high self-esteem.

Mtl: you are a pig!

@mtl zack- If you say so. Still go with my preivous answer though. If you insist however, wrap it before you tap it otherwise you’ll be getting a permanent Christmas present.

And I don’t think it’s going to happen sitting around on fluther… just a thought

have you tried asking your sister? I mean, she’s sick, but… she might still be up to it if she can get past the social stigma of incest, you know.
or you could try not being a pig.

Rent or stream the non-critically acclaimed series The Pick Up Artist on VH1 (or pick up the book), then practice on the beach.

Then tell us so we can make fun of you.

@Krose. Loved your first answer above (the Pig image). Thanks for a nice laugh. :o)

How much ya got?

Go rent House Bunny like everyone else on Fluther, and stay home.

To anyone who called me a pig/horrible person/person who should rot:

Usually I am a very shy and reserved person. When I do confront women, which is rare, I usually get rejected. Tonight I had a burst of self esteem, which is very rare. You have now made me feel like crap and like a hated scumbag, which I am not. Thank you for your fantastic remarks and lovely names. You really made my day.

If you were in my situation, and only had one night in a year to shine and be courageous and not be a shriveled wreck who’s afraid of intimacy, I bet you would take advantage of the opportunity to be outgoing.

Now, I will go into the kitchen and eat as much as I can, because that is what I do when I am depressed.

Just because a nubile young thing is cavorting half clad on the beach, it doesn’t mean she wants what you do.

Don’t give up so easily, we have to devise a plan. Did you talk to any babes? Better yet, do you know them?

C’mon, lighten up, Mtl_zack is young, he’s allowed to be an ass.

I say, be honest, and tell whatever girl exactly what you want/what you are planning. Who knows, sometimes girls want just the same thing—a one-night stand with absolutely no attachments. I think this chance increases greatly if the girl is also on vacation.

Don’t be manipulative, no one appreciates that. Good luck.

What I know from talking to Zack is that if there is one thing he isn’t it’s a pig. He’s just a horny teenage boy. Go get yours, Zack.

I still don’t feel bad. Dude, embrace it, it’s ok to be a pig. The people who matter will still love you, and those who don’t will link pictures on your fluther. :) If you were a friend of mine I would probably laugh at you and buy you some condoms…but you’re not so instead I take my anger out on you. If you do get some, get it for the both of us… then maybe I won’t be so quick to pass judgments on you.

@zack- Don’t humiliate your sister, dude. Just go take a shower, beat off, and go to sleep.

Ummm Michael Jacksons siblings used to bang girls in the bed right next to him and he turned out fine… I’d suggest that…

Yeah, cut the 18 year-old a break. I really dislike the sacred preciousness that permeates the holiday season that somehow forces everyone to regress back to ‘family values’ and act like prudes. He’s a young man that sees an opportunity to get some. Whatever. Lots of siblings that are older are roommates and have sex where they live.

If you’re in a hotel hangout in the common areas – lobby, pool, cafe, and strike convo with someone you like if you see them alone as well. Be funny (the whole Christmas but Jewish thing could be a good opener) but be sure to keep a lid on the creep factor. Use the hood.

everyone is saying to cut him a break and I agree… If I could get a fine piece and my shitty sick little sister was the only thing stopping me I’d say “why not” too… give her some Nyquil extra strength and I bet she won’t even notice!
Do you have a sexual partner locked down or are you on the prowl for some snatch at this hotel of yours? Because your question said “how to get laid tonight” and all the torrent sites I go to tell me I can “get laid tonight” all the time so I’d check it out…

@Zack, lurve to you for your boldness and courage in asking this question here. Clearly, some people think you’re a pig. I think you’re honest. Really gentlemen – which one of you DOESN’T want to get laid tonight? Huh? Huh? I thought so. Come on now.

And ladies. What, you don’t want some? Really? I mean, I don’t know what it’s like in your skin, but most women I know seem to enjoy sex. And it’s fine with you if you’re demure about it. But to call a man you don’t know a pig? Cut the guy some slack. (Ok, ok, I know, his sister is in the next room. I’ll give you that part.) But what’s wrong with wanting to get laid? Really now.

Oh geez. Maybe I’m going overboard. Too late.

zack, I think the outrage is a little odd considering that you posted your question for public comment, and rather crassly at that.

I’m not so sure the outrage is that odd. I do think the pig comment was perhaps a bit over the top. There seems to be a missing element in the information Zack’s presented, as in the whereabouts of his parents, and the age of his sister. Given that we know Zack’s age, and he’s on a family trip to Florida for winter break.

Do we really want to tell Zack it’s okay to have sex with some unknown girl in his parent’s bed while his sick younger sister is in the next room?

Should we allow him to labor the misapprehension that female teenage body in a bikini, and a young girl who is mesmerized by the effect that has on males equates to “I want to have sex with you?” Zack’s old enough to get hauled up for rape if he reads the situation wrong, and the girl really isn’t willing. What if the girl is a skank, and has STDs? Does he have condoms with him in Florida? And what about the girl back in Montreal that he seems to have a relationship starting up with? How will “getting laid” affect that relationship, if Zack’s sister would happen to tell?

Sorry, man. Gotta say that given the circumstances – I’d go wax the dolphin.

There’ll be other opportunities without the sick sister to look after.

I certainly don’t think you’re a pig though. Only natural.

So Mtl_zack, did you get any last night? I know many fluhterites are dying to know ;-)

I was rooting for ya, so come on, share some details.

Coming from someone who is not Christian: Jesus fucking Christ, what a bunch of prudes on here! How is he a pig for thinking about getting some when he’s 18, surrounded by a bunch of babes his age?! One person had the audacity to point out that just because women are wearing bikinis doesn’t mean they are interested in him – no shit, he never said that! I love how jealous people start getting when they’re exposed to people who are more open about their sexuality…One person even says “what if the girl is a skank”! So now girls can’t have a lot of sex if they want to! Or at least according to AlfredaPrufrock! It’s called wearing a condom and being safe, no worries.

The dude asked how he’s supposed to go about getting laid on a family vacation, he didn’t ask for your personal morals which are NOT objective and universal. Get over yourselves, you self righteous fucks.

Simple solution, Mtl Zack: If you’re gonna get laid, go back to their room. Or hell, lay a blanket out on the beach! Does the hotel have two rooms (is it a suite?)

@AlfredaPrufrock I think your outrage is understandable (although I don’t share it). But I think you’re making some unpleasant assumptions about Mtl_zack. You’re basically implying that he thinks that girls that wear bikinis are slutty and that he’s a potential rapist.

Strong accusations to make when what I’m reading is that all he wants is a pretty typical teenage guy situation of of finding a good place to have sex if the opportunity presents itself.

giggles I love how everyone is so touchy. He did indeed post this on a public place which means he is going to get a variety of responses. Each answer and opinion are just as un-universal as anyone elses. We all like sex, that is something that cannot be denied, but it is a touchy subject. I’m sure everyone wants to have a one night stand every now and then, but there is a way to go about it. As a girl, the last thing I want to read is a guy asking questions as if I am a piece of meat or some kind of item to check off his “To Do List”. So I am allowed to call a man a pig if he is allowed to plot his way to get into my pants. After being one of those girls at some point in a bikini, trying to enjoy my family vacation, I am going to be a bitch.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex. There is nothing wrong with checking a person out. There is something wrong when you go about it in a way that makes me want to punch you in your face. This question made me want to punch somebody in their face.

Here’s a tip to zach or any other horny person out there who obviously does not have experience in wooing women- You are more likely to get some playing it as Casonova. Don’t act like my hot body is some piece of ass. Don’t publically post a question that shows you just want to get off. Talk to me and make me laugh. Do this and I will blow your mind so that you will never forget the best god damned Christmas vacation of your life.

just his mind?

Now see, maybe if you wooed me better I could give you a very satisfying answer… but you suck at it and I can see where your mind is, so I end it here.

Gee krose, that last response kinda got me hot and bothered…you don’t, per chance, fancy women do you? I love a strong woman!

Edit: Not the very last response, the one prior.

I could use the best darn Christmas vacation ever

See, I like you sueanne, so I’ll humor you…

I like anything and anyone who can keep it going for hours…

no wooing, just goofing. I save the wooing for the wife.

ha I’m just trying to make my point.

@krose: I’m on vacation for the next two weeks. Me and my Slim G will be over tomorrow.

I’ll be sure to have the pancakes ready and waiting

any chance of this making the internet? I could promote your video… for a slice of the profits that is.

Now won’t that be fun!

Hey man, I’m broke after the holidays. I could use the money.

sue- I might have to get my SO in on this… Otherwise he might get a little jealous.

First of all, I’m not outraged. And I don’t think Zack is a potential rapist. I think he’s a great guy, with normal impulses and instincts. I’ve seen nothing to indicate that the reasoning processes of hormonal teenagers has improved in the last 35 years.
Teenage boys looking at girls in bikinis are not thinking logically. A cute girl in a bikini holds a lot of power over a guy. The desire to have sex is entirely normal.

Secondly, I am the mother of daughters that are around Zack’s age. As a parent of daughters, I do not expect my daughter to “get laid” on a family vacation by some boy we will never see again, and whom, should my daughter end up pregnant, will not know how to find.

Thirdly, I am not a prude, but my daughter had two male friends impregnate their girlfriends in middle school. Five of her friends had herpes before age 16. None of these kids “intended” for any of these events to happen; they were acting on instinct and just having fun. Zack, by his own admission in other posts, is not exactly “experienced.”

And it has nothing to do with religion, or family values. It has to do with random sex with strangers not being a smart thing to do.

yeah, what she said!! ^^

I think the conflict of values here is entirely healthy and par for the course. What I found uncalled for is:
“Zack’s old enough to get hauled up for rape if he reads the situation wrong, and the girl really isn’t willing.”

What does that mean? I just don’t understand how one reads this situation as “well is he’s not careful, he could rape her”. I guess we don’t know if anyone’s a rapist but at face value his question no implication of rape that I could discern.

It means he is 18 and if he has sex with a 15 year old that looks 20 he’s in big doo doo

Am I the only one who read it that way?

That’s a somewhat valid point but the original response was ”...and the girl really isn’t willing.” Which reads to me that Mtl_zack could somehow misread the girl’s willingness to have sex or basically, rape.

Oh, I figured she was saying that assuming alcohol was involved…so the girl was too drunk to say no kinda thing. I tend to give people benefit of the doubt.

@artificialard, It means that girls change their mind about “consent” if their parents find out. Or that girl’s father flip out, and charge rape where there was “consent.” We’re talking family vacation sex here. There are lots of 15–16 year old girls that look 18 or older, and are really flattered by an older guy thinking they’re “hot’. And it’s very easy for things to get out of hand. Lots of girls don’t really want to sell what they’re advertising, and don’t realize it until it’s too late. Control in the heat of the moment is not exactly a teenage trait, is it?

can I get an amen?!

To everyone:

After I posted my last post, I beat the weasel, took a shower and then went to bed. I was feeling very depressed and had a really fucked up dream, but I woke up and went fishing (which was full of sexual innuendos and connotations, which did not help) and I decided that I don’t wanna hear about this again. This night was very embarrassing for me, so just hush.

Afreda: Just because those things happened to your daughters friends does not mean they happen to everyone. Yes, it is normal for teens to want sex. News flash: It is also normal for teens to have sex. Yes, there is such a thing as too young, but Zack made it pretty clear that he is 18 – he is an adult.

Just because you’ve heard of people getting herpes doesn’t mean everyone will get herpes. Just because teens you know have gotten pregnant doesn’t mean everyone gets pregnant. It’s called being mature, honest, responsible, and wearing protection.

Just because you believe that one-night-stands are wrong doesn’t mean that they are. Just because “random sex with strangers” really wigs you out doesn’t mean that there are people who do it in a mature, safe, and responsible manner. If anything, they should be teaching how to do that in public schools – but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation entirely.

And just to add – just because a girl likes to have sex with many partners does NOT make her a “skank” or a “slut”. That’s just a girl that likes to have sex.

I guess my whole point is: Zack, you’re fine.

So, um…how’s your sister feeling?