Dating question.

I think dating within your belief system is outdated and overrated.

Love is found in the strangest of places.

By their fruit(actions) you shall know them. Give her some time to show you if she sincerely changed my brother. Forgive her in your heart and ask God to reveal to you if she’s truely the one for you . God bless.

Give her some time whether she changed or not…I am not a Christian but also i believe in sex after marriage…Nonetheless not being a virgin was her idea and if you really love her , don’t confuse maybe she really changed…

There are no two ways about it, you are going to have to talk to her. Did you find out from her that she isn’t a virgin? Also who is telling you she has changed? What has she changed from? Talk to her, ask her for the truth, then listen to her answer, then take it from there.

If she thinks there’s nothing wrong with sex before marriage, and you do, you’re not compatible. Period. You cannot “forgive” her if she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. Thinking that you can or worse, should, is arrogant and insulting.

Either deal with the fact that different people have different opinions on such things, or break it off now before you go any further.

If we were all perfect and never sinned, then we would not need the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. However, since we are not perfect, we NEED God’s forgiveness. In your situation, be happy that you have the opportunity to practice what God expects you to practice… that is Grace and Forgiveness, NOT judgement. Do you want to judge her, or love her?

You’re already judging her, John Robert. Just by implying that CCRHHS is “doing what God expects”, you’re saying the girl is not, and is therefore “wrong”.

They’re different people. Different people believe different things. Get over yourself with your “forgiveness” nonsense. The woman has done nothing wrong, and nothing to apologize for, and CC has no right to “forgive” her for anything. The only thing she’s done is held to a belief system other than his. If he can’t deal with the fact that they have different beliefs, he shouldn’t be trying to date her to begin with.

It sounds like you’re going on hearsay. ”I found that she isn’t a virgin” (how did you find out?) and ”people have also told me that she has changed” (who told you?) make it sound like you haven’t gotten your information straight from the source: her.

Why not talk with her about it? She will know more about what’s going on in her heart and mind (and between her legs) than we do. And once you have good information, you can make the best decision for your situation. All we can do is guess.

(Oops, I answered before seeing Supermouse’s response. I should have just said “ditto!”)

Well, if you can’t cope with her having sex before marriage and not adhering to the strict Christian beliefs you value, I’d move on. Imo this is much more YOUR problem than hers. You can’t expect her to have “changed her old ways”; it looks like she just never followed some Christian beliefs, which I think are completely outdated and unrealistic anyway.

If you value this way of life and those rules that much, I’d suggest looking for another partner who shares your belief system since getting involved with someone who doesn’t share these values will just result in a lot of trouble later.

What happened in the past is water under the bridge; you can’t change another person’s past. Nor can you hold it against them.

Mrlitty, you are making my point exactly. It is not our place to judge.. me included. I’m not saying she did anything wrong. I’m just trying to take the pressure off.

No, JohnRobert, I am not making your point. Our points are the exact opposite. Your point is “She sinned, but we’re all sinners, so don’t hold it against her.” My point is “She did nothing wrong, and if you think she did, that’s your problem.”

I personally don’t think she sinned. I was trying to deal with the situation from the questioners point of view that she had, and that somehow this was a bad thing. My answer was meant to be compassionate, not judgemental. I apologize fully if it was taken this way.

Talk to her about it, not anyone else. And just because she has possibly had sex doesn’t mean you can’t date her. If you like her, that’s the important part. Just because she is not a virgin doesn’t mean taht you have to have sex with her, or that she would pressure you into it. If you have a conversation with her and feel that sex would be an issue, then you have a problem. It’s all about the dynamic between you two and, if you can get beyond her past and forgive her (that’s the Christian thing to do, right?), then there shouldn’t be a problem and you should do what you want to.

I don’t think that there is even anything even to forgive. If he says that he forgives her for her past, he is really saying to her , “you are defective, but I accept you”. That’s just going to either lead to a fight or make her feel bad about herself. Even having a discussion with her about it seems irrelevant to me. If “acceptance” is truly the Christian way, I don’t believe he even needs to address her past.

“My mind is completely split on what to do.”

So, your mind is split between what and what? What options are you thinking about when you say this? What is it you think you should be doing or not?

I think you should spend less time talking to other people, and more talking to her. I’m sure there are a few skeletons in your closet, so lighten up and don’t be so judgmental of her past. The present and future is what you should concern yourself with.

If you only date virgins, your dating pool is going to get a whole lot smaller when you turn 16 and be almost non-existent when you turn 18.

I say get over yourself. I don’t remember reading anywhere in the bible that you should only date virgins. I do remember the part about God forgiving others for their sins. That’s got nothing to do with you. That’s between God and them. Who are you to forgive someone else for what they’ve done. God?

The virgin thing is largely OT, wasn’t it? That was when a man who raped a virgin had to marry her, because he spoiled her economic value. Nowadays, we also have better ways of ascertaining paternity, which is another reason virgin brides were important back in the day.

On the other hand, didn’t Jesus befriend Mary Magdalene, who was almost certainly not a virgin? It seems like Jesus was a little more forgiving than the OT patriarchs, to be sure.