Man tension. How to resolve it?

Since I’m a woman, I don’t have your answer. I’m hoping someone does, though, since I’ve observed (and wondered about) this male behavior many, many times.

I guess you just gotta visualize how you will take him if he suddenly tries to “mad dog” you? BTW, what does it mean to “mad dog” someone?

@zaku, it means to stare them down (in a threatening manner), but in this context it’s a bit more subtle. Not breaking a gaze is a dominant gesture.

For example, my avatar is mad dogging you this very moment.

I just burp.

yikes i hate that…but i gotta say i avoid situations like that..im gay so im probably not the best example of the typical male because i think that whole straight male way of acting is so silly. I think you should just live life how you want, not trying to live up to some kind of dominance. I am by no means some flamey guy walking around blowin kisses, id say im pretty average, most don’t even know im gay unless i drop hints, but point being, I hate that image guys have to live up, in my mind people are just people and you should be able to act, like, and do what you want, which is why I sometimes avoid guys that act overly dominant because it becomes annoying to me. In your situation I’d probably prevent it from happening to start, if you are locking eyes to the point that it’s getting uncomfortable i’d try not to let it get that far or I’d break the tension by saying something funny or off topic a little. maybe comment about something behind him or in your surroundings.

Oh, interesting. I think one just doesn’t play the game he’s playing. Loser’s suggestion, for instance, or something more subtle. I don’t think I get into this situation much, especially not with friends, but I think I would just stop doing it without being submissive. I might look at him like I think he’s looking at me in a weird way and I’m thinking he’s being silly. However when guys, especially non-friends, try to dominate me in any way, I tend to both think tactically and also disengage somehow, to not get sucked into a confrontation of stupidity. E.g. I start thinking, “this guy is being annoying”.

I guess other ways of saying that might be, “you out-cool him” or get blase or sarcastic or ignore the way he’s being or something. Around skin-heads or something, though, you might also want to think tactically (especially socially – how to change the context, distract, confuse, and/or disengage).

This reminds me of a documentary I once saw on sled dogs…..and how they determine the alpha-male of the pack.

It does sound familiar, I’m sure I’ve been around this type of tension on several occasions.
My guess is that if there’s no pre-determined hierarchy, there will be an underlying tension and battle for the alpha-male position…..silly, but seems to be the way it is. Perhaps the way around it is to not try to put both of you inline with each other, but rather approach it as you respect him in his position and maintain your own – not sure that makes much sense.

So, I think we know what you mean – we’ve all seen it. But
really it’s those people’s inner sled dog, it has nothing to do with you, they just haven’t figured out how to be comfortable with a new human. Can you let it slide? It’s their discomfort. Don’t take it on. Relaxation is catching too, you know.

I get this a lot because I look like a big tough guy. The stare and the overly firm handshake.

I generally ignore it and launch into friendly conversation. This usually disarms them. Particularly about current events. This forces them to think and sidelines the alpha male posturing.

One time I had a guy who wouldn’t back down. Held onto my hand tightly while staring and scowling. I figured the friendly conversation idea wouldn’t work – so I pulled him in by the hand he was grasping and said, “Ya know, <exagerated pause> you have the most beautiful eyes.”

He released my hand and broke away in a heartbeat.

Hmm, since I am not native English speaker, I have no idea what man tension is…but the first thing I was thinking about was “erection” and to deal with that would be to jump down in a refrigerator…

@jazzjeppe: psst! the details of the question explain it quite well….

Hmmm, since I am a man with amazingly a lot of female qualities, I still don’t know what man tension is :) I.e I am a happy camper with no aggression at all!

@kevbo, sounds like you guys are hormonal. Seriously. Too much testosterone.

Just out of curiosity, does it happen with all guys, or one particular group of guys? If it’s one particular group, are all these guys single? The reason I ask is, I’ve noticed this kind of behavior before. It is like pack behavior. Who has the highest “guyness” factor. Married guys do it less; perhaps having to go to the grocery for sanitary pads in the middle of the night, or taking the baby with you if you want to hang out with the guys takes it out of you…

I think it’s just a personality type – not all guys. I never did it even before I was married (of course, I’d rather be at a museum than a sporting event any day).

I honestly think it’s insecurity masked as alpha dog behavior.

If you have nothing interesting to say.
If you’re not comfortable socially.
If you see yourself as overtly masculine (Heaven forbid you’re not~).
Then…you wave around your dick.

(figuratively, of course)

I agree and think it’s insecurity. I’ve noticed that I don’t really feel threatened by those around me (especially in groups) if I’m carrying a weapon. Why would you need to play the tough guy when you’ve secretly got the situation all under control?

I don’t carry any weapons when I drink so if a guy is shaking my hand too hard or trying to stare me down, I find a little statement of the obvious can ease the situation. As in a:

(a)Are you trying to stare me down, seriously?
(b)Hey buddy you don’t have to squeeze the shit out of my hand to get across the point that you’re a tough guy.

If you’re confident then you don’t really have to prove to everyone that you’re the toughest dude around.

If that doesn’t work you can always tickle the inside of his hand. You can also grab his arm and stroke it while shacking his hand (in a masturbatory type motion). Both of these tend to throw people really off guard.

I love the fact that so many of you simply refuse to play the game. It gives me hope that someday this behavior will be a thing of the past.

I’ve seen this behavior many times, especially because most of the people I hang out with are in their early to late twenties, and younger men exhibit this behavior much more than older men. Out of the males I know that this happens to on a regular basis, they break the tension with a “What’s up, man?”, smile and handshake. Because even the guys that are staring you down tend to back off a little when someone is trying to, obviously, be nice to them. It just ends up making the threatening male look like a moron for having that much unwarranted aggression.

If you talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.

Men who engage in the “man tension” game, I find, are generally of a kind of macho attitude that may serve them in the short term, but leaves them in the dust in the long term.

Life is too short to worry about such games. Let him have is “victory.” The game is much longer than he has any idea of, and that’s the game I plan to win.

Bizarre.
Glad I’m a girl. Although, we do have our own games we play…

Really, you ask three guys to come to the bathroom with you and everyone looks at you like you’re crazy but it’s fine when girls do it.

Of course it’s okay for girls; we’re consensus-builders.

listening slow tempo musics