Why does money and "social class" decide what kind of a person you are?

I have almost the exact background minus the stepdad, right down to growing up poor in Florida. I don’t know why people do it, short-sightedness, ignorance, petty jealousies. People are wonderful and terrible all around. I just learned to not associate with those that would judge me because I have garage sale furniture.

You can still sit on it, just because it’s not covered in leather it doesn’t change who I am.

amen sisterfriend.

I grew up quite poor as well. Most of my friends were in the same situation, but I had a few who were much better off. I never really noticed anyone being judgemental about it, but I was ashamed of it anyway. When I grew up, got married and we eventually became upper-middle class, that is when I noticed tension with old (poor) friends. My best friend from high school brought her children for a visit in my new house. When they walked in, her 5 year old daughter stopped in her tracks and said, “Wow, this is like a castle!” Things were never quite the same after that. Now, at 41 and firmly in the lower-middle class again, I just don’t give a shit anymore!

Americans are a bit schizophrenic about this.

On the one hand, our root ethos is supposed to be that we all have equal standing regardless of economic status, and there’s a popular glorification of the nobility of the simple working man. We renounced with much fanfare back at the Revolution the notion that one’s ancestors or heritage confers special status.

But at the same time, we have this idea that since we supposedly all benefit from a level playing field here, how far one gets in life is limited only by one’s natural abilities and work ethic. Since the easiest way one can measure someone’s accomplishments from the outside is to look at their possessions, we conclude that the “haves” are in some way superior to the “have nots”, whether in their resourcefulness, or their willingness to work.

Few people consciously think in those terms, I’m sure, but I do believe that idea underlies much of our societal thinking. Someone from a less prosperous milieu feels uncomfortable in the presence of someone with more stuff because they’re “outclassed” in the one obvious social metric we still have.

i have never experience this before . but from the way i see the situation, u are totally not wrong . just be urself . good friends are not easy to find.

@krose: I don’t think money or social class “decide” what kind of person you are, but I do think it causes others to make predetermined judgments. I grew up in a scenario very unlike yours. My family was affluent and we lived that way. My Father had very little family left, so it was primarily my Mothers family that we socialized with. My Mother came from a very large and very poor family. Their roots are from a family that scraped by. As a result, many of them live very simply and without any frills. I never thought this was unusual, I just thought they made the choice to live that way. So when cousins came to visit us, everyone had their own beds. When I went to visit cousins, we slept in piles all over the house as there were no extra beds. As I grew older I became more aware of the “classifications” or “class rules”. My teen cousins commented often on what I had and how we lived. And one time I took a friend with me to visit some relatives and she referred to them as trashy. I still thought it was their choice but I really started to notice the obvious and glaring differences. My friends came from all walks of life and I never thought to judge them by their possessions, or lack thereof.

Now, because of my current station in life, many of my adult friends are from similar (financially speaking) situations. My husband and I are very blessed, but it’s because of hard work, not lineage. We have both worked our tails off for everything we have; because of the work ethics we carry and because we were driven to achieve a lifestyle that would allow us to do/have the things we enjoy. Not absolutely, but often I find people who came from money have parents who instilled a good work ethic and they appreciate what they have very much. They can also be less class conscious and are sometimes very frugal (this is of course, not always the case.) Speaking for myself, I don’t care where you came from, where you live or what you wear. I buy what I like because I like it, not because it will impress someone. In my closet are shoes from Payless sitting next to Ferragamos. Perhaps my upbringing allowed me to see both sides of the fence. But let me tell you this, I have been discriminated against for “having money” more times than I can count. Politically speaking, I come from a long line of Republicans…and you see what reaction that gets here on Fluther? Well that happens off here, too. Even though my voters registration card and our tax returns in no way dictate my thought process or voting record; and certainly not my intelligence or character. I have gotten phone quotes from companies for work in my home, only to have that cost double when they pull in the driveway. I have had Mothers at school tell me I should shoulder the entire cost of a class field trip, “because they’re scraping by…and I’m not”, I’ve had people comment on my car in a parking lot, loud enough for me to hear, “look at that bitches car”...I may be a bitch when it’s necessary but that’s certainly not my mandated persona. So while I’m not looking for sympathy, I do think it’s a misconception that the judgment only travels one way. I believe class discrimination, and reverse discrimination are alive and well. I believe it’s born of ignorance, of insecurities and of fear of the unknown. Do I think it’s right – NO. Do I think it’s real – YES…and it’s very unfortunate.

@bythebay- that’s exactly my point. I wasn’t saying I personally think class makes up a person, I was asking why so many people make their mind up about a person because of their income. I know exactly what you mean but I have been on both ends. The thing is though, when I was “lower class” and scraping for money I never thought twice about my friends who did. I had a few friends that were very well off and I was never uncomfortable in their homes. The only one I did feel uncomfortable in was because her mom treated me differently then her other friends… (They were “upper class.”) That was actually when I started to see the light. I never did anything to be a burden and I always said my “please and thank yous”. She would single me out though and never listened to what I had to say.
My point is, I have never judged a person who was wealthier than my family and I have never looked down on those less fortunate than me.

krose – I think you sound like you approach things from a very non-judgmental and healthy perspective, and I applaud you for it. I simply don’t have any idea why people judge based on superfluous things. I have such a hard time with it, but have also been called very naive when I’ve voiced this. Some people seem to feel like everyone wants what they have or conversely that their being judged for what they don’t have. I just don’t get it. In my daughters school, there was actually a book some girls had that charted how many coach purses, ugg boots and abercrombie & fitch shirts girls in their grade had. Um, WHY? Who knows? I can blame alot on parents, but I am one myself, and I know there’s a huge margin for error. I am as perplexed as you, krose. :)

it doesn’t really define you. though it will often affect the opportunities you get later in life, especially if money buys you better education (don’t forget to also add your family’s cultural capital to that), or connections might get you a better job and so on. So, you have a different starting point. In most societies however, it is just as possible (though not always simple) to rise, as it is to fall, socially.

well, looking through your situation.. I could say that I can relate a part of it (excluding the step dad part).. I’m just plain ‘ol college student who got into a public university, fortunately passed the university entrance exams and aptitute college exams (eventually, been part of a scholarship). I can say that I’m really poor, but I’m motivated to finish my studies and get a great job. Anyway, probably IT DEPENDS ON YOUR LOCATION AND CULTURE. In my place, people here doesn’t include (most of the time) wealth as primary part of the social status. They consider more on your capabilities and your qualities (not only physically, but how you deal with people plus keeping your PR alive).. I had some friends who has that mentality (i-don’t-like-people-who-are-low-status=no-money). In the end, they were the ones who lost their friends. You’ll later see the brighter side of everything that’s happening to you, that you took negatively.. :)

In my view, it all boils down to vanity/pride. I have always taken the view that I am who I am and if someone has a problem with that, it’s their problem, not mine. Now, I know that’s not the way the rest of the world operates, people are judgemental, everything becomes political. But ultimately if what people think of you is of value to you, then it’s perfectly valid to put on airs. If you don’t care what people think, then live your life according to what makes you happy.

I’m afraid I don’t have anything to add except that our culture has become so focused on consumerism, it may be inevitable that the “have” and the “have nots” will be stigmatized.

I will admit, however, that I sometimes find myself judging people in lower socioeconomic groups – but my disdain is not for those who “have not”, rather for those that have no interest in changing their status. In this area, for example, to be a “redneck” is to have limited education, limited finances, and limited tolerance for other religions and races. But I will often hear the term used with pride, with no drive to get an education, get a job, etc. That infuriates me.

syz: That term has the exact same conotation where I live. With bumper stickers touting pride in being called a redneck.

I don’t think it has to be the way that you describe. I agree with dalepetrie. If you work on not viewing others through the lens of how much money they have or measuring yourself based on how much you have at any given time, you may find yourself less concerned about what you are viewing as the judgments of others.

At one time, my husband and I decided to opt out of the rat race for a while. We moved to an island, which had very little economic opportunity. On the other hand, it was incredibly beautiful with stunning beaches, and mountain and water views, and gorgeous forests. We were very happy there. One time a old friend came to visit with her new man. He was not the most tactful of people, and after we had had dinner in a restaurant and chatted for a while, he asked what we did there for fun. We told him we loved to take long walks on the beach or trails in the area, we picked berries, we watched wildlife and things like that. He said, “Man, if I had to live here, I’d kill myself.” I was almost surprised to realize that what he said did not bother me at all, because to us it was paradise.

I can also say that I have made lots and lots of money at times in life and been to the best restaurants, hotels, etc., and I have had other times when I did not make much money at all. My happiness quotient was never a direct correlation to how much money I had. (Often, I have it to be the inverse.)

I think if you are strong and sure of who you are and that you are an okay person, you will not care what others think of you. I am delighted to have reached that point in my life. I feel incredibly free.

I want to be Marina when I grow up. :)

I want to live on that island when I grow up!

@augustlan Here are somesample images.

Ahhh. I could definitely live there :)