What use is an act of love when the recipient is unaware of it?

Like perhaps a funeral or memorial service? Or, are you specifically referring to living recipients?

It depends on the situation I think. If it’s selfless and would be seen negatively by the other person, or interpreted as pity or judgment, then yes, I think it’s fine.

A friend of mine was involved with drugs through her boyfriend. She was getting kind of…deep into the lifestyle and he left her when he realized how he had affected her life. He never said goodbye, just left. She to this day thinks he’s a complete asshole. Those who knew him, well a few of us, know what he was trying to do. It worked, she didn’t have connections anymore and she just went back to her old life. Luckily she wasn’t so far gone it did anything lasting.

took me a while to think of that, it was years ago. In that case yes, he did her a favor even though he loved her. There were probably better ways to do it, but it got done.

bythebay: living people yes.

If the act benefits the recipient in a positive way and they are unaware of the giving, it shows selfless love on the givers part. To give with no intention of receiving recognition is a beautiful thing. Asmonets story is a great example. In a smaller way volunteering can be similar in many instances as can making donations of food, clothing, money, etc.

The “staying out of touch” may well be an act of love, if the person would be a bothersome influence otherwise. They may not be aware that it’s done on purpose, but they would definitely feel the (non-bothersome) effects.

A random act of love or kindness, even in secret, can also work wonders on the one doing the deed. They choose to go with love over hate, improving their own lives.

Any genuine gesture of love is done for the sake of the recipient, because you have their best interest at heart. Appreciation or credit isn’t necessary. Knowing you did what is best for the one you love is all you need.

I agree with bythebay.

To clarify, the recipient in this case will be unaware that it is being done out of love and may even picture it as being a rejection – although I am working out ways to make it clear that that is not what it is – but in doing so I make clear my motivations which defeats the purpose of the act, no?

I am really wondering about times when the recipient is unaware they have received anything. In the charity example the end beneficiary knows that they have received something from someone even if they don’t know who it is.

In almost all acts of love the beneficiary is aware that they have received something. Can it be an act of love if they aren’t? I’m not asking for credit… but if they don’t know its happened?

Maybe I’m just losing my mind :)

You are all fantastic btw!

If I understand the question correctly, introv, I think asmonet gave a perfect example. I’m sure the gf felt rejected and even deserted by the bf; but in the end it was a truly selfless act that may have saved her life. In the thread earlier today, the writer mentioned being toxic to the person they were missing. Again staying away being a generous act.

asmonet: Cool didn’t see your edit when i wrote that next bit. Very good!

introv, i think an important thing to keep in mind is that a recipient of a loving, if hurtful, action can realize its relevance years after it first happens. For instance, parents who force their children to stop seeing certain people (who are unhealthy and a bad influence) are making a loving gesture, even though teenage kids can interpret such actions as cruel.

It will up your karma!!!
(Real life lurve!)

@introv: No problem. :)

i think its does not matter whether the receipient knows it or not. Most importantly, we do not ask anythign in return for the good deeds we made.

It’s the ‘pocalypse.

Definitely an act of love, whether the receiver is aware of it or not. In your particular situation, if you want her to know what you’re doing, I’d write her a letter telling her that you are letting her go with love.

that’s by definition an act of love. one that you do without considering if you’re gonna get recognition or praise. you do it because you care and it matters. you just do it… for love.

If you need reciprocation or recognition you may well have a selfish streak within.