What is a frenemy and is it ever wise to have one?

A frenemy is a person who you act like is your friend, but you don’t really like. Usually the feeling is mutual. There is a thin line between frenemy and enemy. A frenemy doesn’t outright go against you, it’s more sly and should look accidental. They’ve never outright fucked you over, but are an annoyance. This relationship is necessary because you both are involved in certain social circles, and you have mutual friends. For example- I was a bartender for 10 years. Popular bartenders often “guest bartend” at other bars. I often had to work with girls I didn’t really like, but had to be social with in order to not mess up our # of bar options.

A “toxic” person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.

Frienemies on Wikipedia

Agree with elijah, the line between friends and enemies with these individuals is often blurred.

It is too stressful for me personally to have such people in my life.

But you know what they say, “Keep your friends close and your frienemies closer.

I also have no energy to keep up the pretence of being someone’s friend. But, I do understand how in a work environment it sometimes becomes necessary. Unfortunately, in social circles I just avoid the person altogether, by either not attending an event I know they will be at, or sacrificing blossoming friendships to stay out of that friend’s social circle. But, that’s just me and my pain tolerance level ;)

I define it as a person in your social or professional circle who you cannot avoid, but do not enjoy interacting with.

I agree Siren.

I guess at work I just think of it as office politics, and not making frienemies, which I would associate with personal life.

Just my point of view though. = )

So really it’s just someone who is a straight up ass, right? Frienemy sounds like a bad band from the early 90’s. Haha, frienemy. Who writes that crap?

@Judo: It is slang, perpetuated by its use in popular culture, especially over the last few years.

Elijah pretty much got the definition, but I would add that frenemies are pretty much a high school creation, and should essentially stay there. There is a clear difference between being civil to people you don’t like when you’re in a situation in which you can’t avoid them and being fake and pretending to be their friend. Really, the whole idea is to gain something by pretending to be a friend, which partly where the office politics type stuff comes in.

Good point of view Tits!

I think one other aspect to look at is the awkward in-between phase when your friend is turning into your enemy, or non-friend. They’re kind of a frenemy at that point, although it’s transient. Kind of when you have to slowly extract yourself from their lives and mutual friends will notice subtle changes in your attitude/behavior towards the person.

Hey, I just realized, back in my mom’s day, they had a couple of songs about frenemies:

“Smiling faces, smiling faces; sometimes, they don’t tell the truth.”

“What they doin’? They smile in your face; all the time they want to take your place, the backstabbers. Backstabbers!”

Early 1970s R&B broke it down, by golly!

I get (got) the slang part. I feel it’s one of those words like Bennifer.

@aprilsimnel: hey, good song reference! I remember that song too. I think Brian Ferry from Roxy Music did a remake (and I’m sure a few others too).

It comes from the adolescent (life is high school and high school is life) mentality reflected in teen soaps. The idea is that you have to be part of a clique based on money, looks and a twisted morality. Anyone in the clique has a right to savage the rest of the world and if you don’t go along you are likely to be savaged, so you remain friends in self defense.

The intersting thing is that in the good old days we laughed at the clueless b$%^ches, today they are cultural icons.

When you meet them later in life they become charicatures stuck in time, I wish I could be around in 30 years to see this generation’s AbFab Patsy and Edina

I had the opposite, an enerend. My best friend betraying me after over 10 years of perfect behaviour towards him. I never did something bad to him, I was always there for him, we never fought or anything. Then one day out of the blue he decided to betray me. He later regretted it, came back to apologise, I gave him a second chance and he did it again. In his case I think it is more stupidity than anything else that drives him, but I’m sure we’ve all had cunning backstabbing “friends” like that at some point in our lives.

I think stupidity can equal evil. We have seen it in the political arena and I won’t digress, cough cough

@Jack: I do applaud you for at least giving your friend another chance, and it really sucks that he took advantage of that again. I’m in a similar situation, where I made a huge mistake and hurt my best friend, but she has yet to give me the opportunity to tell my side of the story, much less give me a second chance at being her friend. I hope she takes a hint from you, because I’d never hurt her again, for sure.

He’s quite guillible and I think he’s just driven by others, especially his evil gf. I’d give him another chance if he ever breaks up with her, but not before.

I’m in a crazy similar situation! My best friend’s ex-boyfriend is crazy manipulative and a generally terrible person, but she doesn’t realize that at all, and she has sacrificed her two best friends for him, even though they’ve broken up (but they’re still sleeping together, of course). I totally feel your pain here.

Is it ever wise to have anything with the name enemy in it?

After having someone I thought was a true friend turn on me like a rabid dog, I am going to be very careful from now on who I call friend. As for keeping my friends close and my enemies closer, I don’t agree with that. I’ll keep my friends close and as for my enemies, well they can go screw.

I will however laugh if I hear they meet up with a bad end.

Ok an update on that: I sent my ex-best-friend an sms today saying I need him to repair some of the damage he’s done. I told him I will not forgive him even if he does, but maybe it would make him feel better.

That quote about keeping you friends close but enemies closer was a quote originally meant for kings and warlords and landowners and such. People that ruled other people on a grand scale, engaged in battles, etc. Because of the circumstances of their life they are forced to have people around them that they don’t like, but need, for the subtle clandestine purposes associated with the ongoing game of power. But personally I think its funny how many ordinary people will make their lives infinitely more complicated by following this same quote that is clearly not meant for them, while gaining nothing from having their enemies close, other than making life hectic and miserable.

Frienemies, seems like the relationship between the US and Pakistan.

To me a frenemy is someone you are friends with but you also don’t get along and hate each other at the same time and you purposely try to get on each other’s bad side. I have a friend who my other friends define as being my frenemy but she’s also one of my best friends even though she’s my enemy at the same time.