What would you do: gift etiquette for ackward situation?

Oh, that’s a toughie. I’d probably try again, in a more firm way, to get the idea across. Perhaps suggesting that they donate to some charity instead.

What augustian said above and if that still doesn’t work, you can always accept the gift and then re-gift it to someone I suppose. At least it doesn’t go to waste right?

@augustian ~ what a wonderful suggestion !

If they simply will not stop giving you gifts, make it clear to them that you will be donating them to an applicable place, and then do so.

Ah,..... Say ” thank you?”
Then quietly donate or regift.

Say thank you, and don’t give them a gift back. I would wait until a not Christmas time, like summer, and explain that you are simplifying your life, would rather they not give you a gift, that you appreciate the gesture and their thoughtfulness, but it really isn’t necessary, and that your feelings aren’t hurt by not having something to open.

If that doesn’t do it, then accept that they are giving you a gift to fulfill their own need. and accept and dispose of at will. (My mom was one of those people.)

@everyone ~ to clarify, this individual keeps gift-giving even though:
a)they aren’t receiving a gift from me
b)I have objected and restated my wishes a few times

I really like the idea of suggesting a charity in lieu of…
Would it be rude to send them a greeting card, say around next Thanksgiving, with that information?

AP has is exactly. Here’s my take on it, which is almost just what AP said.

Wait a bit, then explain that you are an utter grinch who doesn’t celebrate any winter holiday with gift giving. Be prepared to get called a grinch. And possibly continue to get gifts cheerfully given. Then explain that it is against your moral philosophy to receive those gifts. Then be prepared for the pointed glare and careful observation that you use the items you are being given, you need them, and frankly you should shut up about it because you weren’t going to get them yourself, they’d been on your shopping list for practically a year and you did actually need them.

If that sounds startlingly specific, it’s because I’m going through it with my boyfriend right now. Who doesn’t understand that gift giving culture is important to the giver as well as the receiver. It’s a really big part of how my family operates. He’s already thought of the charity thing. If they happen to ask you what you’d like, come up with something specific that isn’t too expensive. Like, “I’d really like a goat in Africa and here is the charity that does that” or “I’d love a set of books donated to Open Books in my name”. Then you’ve both satisfied the need to give something specific and the desire to give to charity.

@EmpressPixie ~ loves it!

Just because you no longer celebrate the holiday does not mean that the person shouldn’t be able to give you a gift. Their intent may be to give you a Christmas gift, but your attitude in the receipt can just be to accept a no occasion gift. You will never change their opinion of the holiday, but you can still be a gracious person. You don’t need to pass judgement on their desire to give any more than you want them to pass judgement on your desire not to celebrate a holiday.

Empress is brilliant.

Accept the gift graciously with a smile, and then do whatever you want with it afterwards. You don’t celebrate Christmas but obviously your friend does. Let accepting the gift be a random act of kindness on your part.

Better yet, send the gift to me. Whatever it is I can probably sell it on eBay.

Judi was posting the same time I was, and Empress is indeed brilliant.

Accepting gifts graciously, whether desired or not, is not new news for me, and my intent in asking this question was certainly not to drum up names of those who want freebies.

I guess it just hurts that although this individual considers themselves a close friend, they refuse to acknowledge this important change in my life.

It’s sort of like if you adopted a different faith and every year, on a certain day, your so-called friend invited you over for dinner and knowingly serves for the main course a food your new faith prohibits.

So what exactly was the change?

You said you no longer celebrate Christmas, but why not? What happened? And have you shared all of that with your friend. Or have you just said, “We’re not doing Christmas anymore, please stop giving us presents”? Sometimes we need deeper understanding to accept something.

I’ve participated in numerous holy celebrations that have had nothing to do with my own (lack of) faith. I’ve also given those of other faiths Christmas presents. I’m an atheist, but I’ve always called it Christmas and celebrated it in a weird secular-atheist-not-really-religious way, so that’s what I call them. And while I would certainly respect someone’s Kosher laws or whatever, I would also still give them a Christmas present.

Honestly, unless you’ve sworn off earthly attachments and objects, if I want to give you a present for whatever reason, I probably will. Unless you explain why you hate all presents of all sorts. And frankly, I’d probably still give you stuff. Gift giving: sometimes about the giver, not the receiver. I like giving people things and it would take me a long time to both learn, truly believe, and remember that you hate all earthly objects.

Of course, if you have sworn off all your earthly possessions, then make the analogy to your friend. It might be hard for them that you’ve changed so dramatically though. We, humans, tend to like things to stay the same. And going from “normal person I really, really know” to “sworn off all earthly possessions” is a huge change. And acknowledging it also means acknowledging that something really huge was going on with you and they missed it completely. It’s tough.

@EmpressPixie ~ yes, I have shared my new beliefs with my close friends (and this individual)

no, I don’t wish to further expound on them in this forum

Would you take gifts at the time of whatever holidays your new beliefs entail?

So do you think that giving you the gift is really derived from disrespect around your thought processes/conversion to not celebrating Christmas? And not from genuine affection for you?

We’ve gone from uber Catholic to my husband attending the Unitarian church and me not going at all, not even on Christmas, and I still exchange gifts with everyone in the spirit of the general season.

@AlfredaPrufrock ~ I don’t know that it is decidely out of disrespect on their part, but that is the only time this individual gives me a gift. And, that is what they call it.

Call it more like they are just insensitive or in denial.

Did they give you gifts before you changed beliefs?

Also, calling it a Christmas present doesn’t mean anything. I give Christmas presents. That’s what I call them. You can bet your booty I’m not actually celebrating the religious holiday of Christmas.

@EmpressPixie ~ I don’t have a substitute-Christmas holiday that balance transfers the gift-giving practice. I just don’t celebrate Christmas anymore. Previously, we exchanged Christmas gifts. This individual is a devote Christian, so when they say Christmas gift, it definitely has a religious connotation.

I would say, thank you, and not open it. Then donate it, Hand it wrapped, to a homeless person.

@ I’d really like to redirect this thread back to one of the earlier responses, given by EmpressPixie originally though…

and repose my response then :

Would it be rude to send them a greeting card, say around next Thanksgiving, with my charity of choice information?

Oh, no, I think that would be really a great thing to do. I would send a card with a lovely letter inside about being thankful for people in our lives. Say how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness and thinking of you, and how much you value their friendship, and that in itself is a gift you value, more important than material things, and if they feel they must give you a gift at holiday time, you would like it to be a donation to ____.

Sugar with the medicine, as they say.

I think that would be wonderful! AP’s got it again: polite, sugary, and direct.