What is the number one lesson you have learned from your (romantic) relationship, either past or present?

Thats a good one, though sometimes its difficult to describe yourself without describing your past, so I think there is a time and a place for that. But, probably the lesson I learned was not to take people for granted. Everyone knows this but its hard to actually understand it.

Be entirely open and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about your relationship at all times.

Honesty is most important.

Communication.

I learned to stop second-guessing and ask instead, and to stop acting so damn bewildered when someone I find attractive actually finds me attractive too. It’s not as if I’m some sort of Queen of the She-Beasts. Low self-regard doesn’t cut it with anyone.

Make sure you aren’t with someone who is indecisive. [Although that is a personal preference thing, really.]

Love is an ability.

Asking for compatibility is an expression of love for yourself.

If she’s not a bring home to mom kind of girl, don’t bring her home to mom and don’t move in with her.

1.After a while you WILL see their ugliest side and you will not like it. Love is choosing to love them even when you don’t like them very much and focusing on their wonderful sides.
2. When your spouse is moody or being cranky, give them the same slack and consideration (understanding) you would give your children if they were moody or cranky.

That I cannot change anybody, no matter how hard I love them. And if I can’t completely accept them and love them for who they are now, I have to be honest with myself about why I am in this relationship and what I’m getting out of it. Nobody is responsible for my happiness but me.

This will seem obvious, but it took me a while to learn. If it feels like a miserable relationship, it’s probably a miserable relationship. Being in a miserable, abusive relationship is not desirable simply because it’s a relationship. Only by leaving the misery can one be happy, and many times, happy singlehood is vastly preferable to miserable couplehood.

Don’t just tolerate someone, or be with someone who just tolerates you. Love and be loved.

@augustlan: Oh man, I smell a Moulin Rouge reference…

Nope…never seen the movie! Just personal experience :)

Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated because sex is around the corner…

stupid male genes damn me

Presently, that ALL cats are not grey in the dark. (This ad approved by Milo.)

The day that someone throws something at your head you should probably leave, in a hurry and don’t look back.

Love alone is not enough.

#1: Compromise is everything. From the start, accept that you are different people. But also accept that by living together and being one couple, compromises need to be made in order to create the most effective coupling. And also understand that this can be done without jeopardizing who you are. Whether it’s being a bit more neat (cleaning up your dishes, putting laundry in the hamper), reducing or increasing your amount of contact (emotional, physical, sexual, phone calls or emails, etc), doing something you may not enjoy doing (visiting the in-laws) – if both parties agree to compromise at times, both people will ultimately be happier in the long run. To me, this is one of the most important things, it’s lubricant that eases the friction in the engine that is a relationship.

#2: Rational minds are key. When angry times happen, take an hour or two by yourself, go do something else away from your partner. Focus on other aspects of your life. Let your emotional mind calm down and let the rational mind kick in. Then, regroup and diagnose the argument from the start, explaining one’s thought process for each step of the way. This will often highlight where the miscommunication or problem seed started. By knowing this, problems can be averted in the future, and appropriate apologies can be made.

Relationships are not easy, and they take a lot of work. Sometimes meds can really help in this process. Meds are not a crutch, but enable me to work on the relationship. Someone can actually love me, despite the folly, perhaps even the idiocy of doing so. (That one totally blows me away.)

Never, never, never Ever Lie to your sig other. They always find out, eventually. May take years, but it’s the one worst thing an otherwise great relationship can encounter.