Can you think of common statements that are sort of double-faced?

No, it wasn’t a stupid question. There are no stupid questions.

Only stupid people.

As I believe we’ve talked about in the past: ‘With all due respect’...you are an idiot.

I think it’s rude when someone loses weight and people say “oh, you look so good.” Did they look like total shit before?

“Well bless your heart!”

Your beard makes you look older. = You looked like a twelve-year-old girl before.

Glasses make you look smarter = You looked like an idiot before.

The camera really likes you. = In person you look like Pogo the dog-faced boy.

Those jeans make you look thin = Okay chubby, cover up before I throw up.

good for you

“goob job” or “dude, i really dont give a fuck. leave me alone…”

How about “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”

I always thought the Little Caesars and the Romans song Those Oldies But Goodies (Remind Me Of You) sounded like a back-handed compliment.

What about when people say “Can I help you?” when they don’t want to be bothered?

Why do people say “how’s it going?” when they don’t actually expect or even want to hear an honest response? “pretty good, thanks.” is what always follows. I always used to give a sincere answer until I realized it wasn’t a sincere question.
Also, at the check-out counter when the cashier asks you “found everything alright?” does anyone ever say anymore than “yes, thank you”? I’ve noticed that those kinds of questions have cropped up recently in place of actual customer service.

“Good luck with that.” = “You are foredoomed” and/or “I really don’t care so I’m saying this in hopes that you’ll leave me alone now.”

“I’m just kidding….but seriously”

“by the way…” never ends well

“Excuse me?” – Wtf did you just say? Or get your ass out of the way!

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“What – I was joking.”
(no I wasn’t)
“Sure~” or “Absolutely~”
(I do not give a shit)
“You do what you gotta do.”
(but I ain’t supporting you)
“Well, that would be your decision.”
(so grow the fuck up)

@cprevite: that last one: my mom does that. “Oh, you want to do {something I don’t approve of}? Well that would be your choice.”

I’ve always enjoyed it when someone wins
“most improved award”
because it usually means
“you were pretty shit before, but now you’ve reached the standards of the rest of the team”

“How interesting…”
This is a waste of my time but I don’t want to be mean or draw it out any longer.
“May you live in interesting times.”
I hope your life sucks in creative and painful ways.
“Of course I want to see that play/go to that party/do that thing, but I just can’t.”
I am going to be sitting at home watching stupid television but I don’t want to alienate you by flat out refusing.
“You’re great for a beginner.”
You suck.

“Love ya” but not enough to say it with the “I”

@cheebdragon don’t you mean “luv u”

@cage- yeah that too, or even ”♥ Ｕ”

ily is my fave

@fallen: I hate ily. It’s like you don’t care enough to take 2 seconds to type out the whole thing.

for real
had a girl friend that said that to everyone, including me.

i was pissed

So, is it said Ai Ell Why, or is it pronounced illy? Obviously meaning, “I really don’t give a shit, but I want you to think I’m a caring and empathic person.”

its like i l y so youre ai ell why

and yeah, you hit the nail on the head

I’m pretty sure I’m gonna say “ILY” to my boyfriend the next time I see him now. You’ve all helped me decide. He pretty much lost it when I said, “L4D” instead of “left 4 dead” the other day. (It’s the same number of syllables, according to him I was saving nothing.) So this should be kind of hilarious. Um, if I’m not around tomorrow, his brain exploded in agony.

When following the question: “does this make my butt look big?” “you look gorgeous” is backhanded