Was there a moment when stopped feeling-being a daughter/son and became your own person in your own right?

Yeah, I had to move out to feel it, though. It was almost instantaneous.

Yes, when my Mom fussed at me for dating a girl she thought was inappropriate and I told her to let me make my own mistakes.
(Which, as it turns out, it was).

I flew to visit a friend without telling my parents during college. I knew they would disapprove, but I realized that I didn’t have to tell them and, frankly, I knew it was the right thing to do. (This is also my hitch-hiking story, if you’ve read that!)

On that trip I realized I was my own person. Which lead to some very unfortunate fights with my incredibly controlling mother later. She thought she was still in control of me. She wasn’t.

I think I realized it some where around when I was 18 ish. I realized if I always listened to my parents, particularly my mom. I would live in Toledo for the rest of my life, living in the same burb and possibly working at the same company as her. And never do anything really cool or risky. Not that my Mom has a bad strategy, it worked out good for her. But it wasn’t for me. So even though parents might be right most of the time, its not necessarily the right thing for me.

I’m a bit conflicted on this… I seem to have done things opposite of the norm in my life – as I absolutely did not care what my parents thought about my actions when I was 13–17.
I was a bit of a rebelious teenager However, towards the end of my high school career, I really began to look towards my parents for advice and guidance. Now, after three years of college, I am definitely “my own person”, but I still wonder what my parents’ p.o.v. would be whenever I make a big decision (such as buying a car, leasing an apartment, etc.) I don’t necessarily let their ideas rule my decision, but I still wonder to myself what they would think. I believe that this will always be a part of my thought system, as I look up to my parents a great deal because of what they have accomplished during their lives.

I dunno, I’ve always been encouraged to be independent, but my parents are always supportive and will do whatever they can to help me out. I’ll always be their child, though not necessarily under their immediate care and supervision. I think I’m my own person, but I’m only me because they raised me and gave me a good start.

I’ve certainly done things that they disagree with, but I think they get that I’m reasonably capable of handling myself, so they just sort of let me do my thing until I ask for help.

I was adopted when I was 6, and so I already viewed adults/parents as human beings with faults. They were just like me, but older. I don’t remember what learning this felt like.

I stopped feeling like that when I realized my mom was trying to dictate which college I went to based on her never ending competition with her sister, and my girlfriend. At one point things got so heated she told me I was “throwing my life away” by attending an accredited University, but it wasn’t her choice.

As I look back on my life, I can see many times where she would use me to make herself look better in the eyes of others. If I did bad, it would mean everyone would think she was a terrible parent, and she would ultimately lose to her sister.

I think I had created some much needed distance between my Mother & myself when I moved to California for school, knowing she didn’t approve. But the defining moment for me, after growing up, getting married, and having children, really came when my Dad died. I knew then, definitively, that I was my own person. And that the only person I should/could really rely on was me.

I experienced this at the age of 7. I knew at that point in my life I was on my own, and my mother could/would not save me.

<—-sending Augustlan a big hug O

Thanks, BtB :)

well for me it was quite easy, because I was not that attached to my family to start with. Both my parents worked in the afternoon and of course I had school, so I saw very little of them. Me and my sister were brought up by a grandmother who died when I was 11, so I guess I was old enough to be psychologically independent by then.

When I was 17 I moved out, and though my parents still supported me and helped me financially from time to time (including this period of my life right now) I’ve been generally independent. I only stayed with them for a couple of months after uni and then again for a month in 2001 while I was rennovating my house. But other than that I’ve always lived alone, mostly in a different country, and generally have very little to do with them other than the odd phonecall.

Lurve for Augustlan.

My first husband and I got married specifically to change ourselves into people who were primarily a “husband” and a “wife” instead of being primarily some people’s “children”. Pretty soon that was established for good, so we got divorced.

I think you can still be your own person and still wonder what your parents think of you and your actions. I ask for advice from my parents often; that doesn’t mean I’m not “my own person.”

@btko: I completely agree.

When I was younger I was so reliant on my parents that I needed their approval of me to affirm my self worth and to be content with myself. As I grew older and developed the qualities and interests that make me the person I am now my parents’ approval began to matter less and less. I still go to them (often) for support and advice, however. But I don’t need to feel like they are “on my side” anymore to make major decisions.

When I realized that my mother and I have very different ideas of what it is to be an adult, I really knew that it was time to grow up. I’m still struggling to find a way to stand on my own two feet. The wobbling scares me a bit.

Lurve to those who had to grow up too fast. I was blessed with a loving, functional family, who allowed me to be a child for a long, long time. I can only imagine what it was like to to not have that strong, guiding hand holding me…

I’m still a daughter to my mom, but my dad it all stopped when he was abusive and called me all these names and just made my self of esteem and made me feel stupid. And i depressed until i was finally out of that house and i had my boyfriend to help overcome all i have been through. But i still keep in touch with my mom, but not really my dad.