(At age 28) Is there a certain number that you would draw the line when considering a new boyfriend/ girlfriend’s past sexual partners?

What the fuck is wrong with you? Who cares how many people she has had sex with? How does that alter who she is in any conceivable way whatsoever? Stop judging her and leave her alone. She deserves better than you.

If she’s that popular, there’s probably a reason…

@nikipedia: Her number is 32. Its difficult not to judge because she is only 25.

32 different partners? She’s certainly been busy.

whoa, guys we need to calm down a bit.

Wow, niki. You never cease to amaze and impress me.

I’m going to stay out of this one.

I’m scared to say anything.

Scared for my life.

36 DICKS!?! YOU SUCKED 36 DICKS!?!

I’ll just say this…if the number disturbs you enough to ask about it, you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with her I’d take it? Are you looking for opinions on how other people see it? I’d take it on a case by case basis.

Makes me wonder how nikipedia got 5451 lurves in the first place…
Honestly.

@nikipedia: I think this says alot about who she is as a person.

@tennesseejac: It says nothing other than her own sexuality is not a mystery to her.

I’m on niki’s side. Only I’m less vocal about it.

Oh, and Jackson, what are you going on about?

Does this not send up some red flags that she might not be the type of girl that wants a monogamous relationship (which is what I was hoping for)? I guess I’m the asshole in this situation….

tennesseejac is concerned about having a long term relationship with this individual and also taking into account the sexual transmitted diseases she may or may not have.
32 is rather a large number to consider?

-thanks La_chica_gomela :P

@trizoo, pssst, it’s 32

Sorry, isn’t the number 32?
@La_chica_gomela – Jinx.

And yet, it says a lot about you as a person as well that you would care so much about this. Why are you discussing this with her when you barely know her? Would you have felt this way if you had started a relationship with her six months ago, were in love with her, and then found this out? Sexuality is a weird thing. I know a number of people who would say the same thing because I have had three sexual partners and I’m twenty. Also, what is in that number of hers? Is that number of people she has engaged in sexual intercourse with? Is that number of people she has engaged in sexual activity with? And then what counts as sexual activity? Whatever that number means, I think the fact that you have such a big problem with it means that you should not be in a relationship with her.

This may be the dumb question, but have you talked to her about it?

if there were a concern for STD, just have a damn test done…done and done.

Hey triozoo, there’s actually a really good way to find out if she has any sexually transmitted diseases. It’s called

AN STD TEST.

Welcome to the modern world, where we have science.

You can no longer use health issues to justify your prejudices about women enjoying and seeking out sex.

Pffft. I had her beat at 19! (and I started at 15). I was very promiscuous, obviously. I’d say my reasons had everything to do with taking control of my own sexuality after being sexually abused for most of my childhood. Finally, I had the power, you know? I got married at 19, and was completely faithful to my husband for the 17 years we were married. I have remarried now, and am completely faithful to husband number 2 as well. I don’t lie, cheat or steal. I’d stack my morals up against anyone’s. Don’t be so quick to judge!

@augustlan: You go girl!

@tennesseejac – so what can you actually infer from the number? You’ve hinted at it, but what are you gathering?

and the word ‘whore’ is pretty much never a good way to start a conversation you want to be taken seriously

yup, thanks for taking RandomMrdan’s answer and using it against me. Stop your bickering nikipedia this is tennesseejac’s question. Try to help him instead of fighting with me.

I’m sure he wouldn’t feel comfortable asking her “what she got” on the test or to take it before they were to get active; especially because their not in a serious relationship.

OK, OK, so Im the asshole, but thanks for putting some perspective on this. And yes, she has had sexual intercourse with 32 different dudes. I guess I was raised somewhat sheltered and this just shocked me a little. She is a sweet girl and I am going with my heart on this one…. just thought I could get some positive feedback.

@shadling21 and @xxporkxsodaxx CLERKS!!! come on guys that movie is a classic :)

Depends whether you want a gentleman, or a freak in the bed…

@uber—Bunch of savages in this town…

@uberbatman I never got around to it lol, but I saw mallrats and sometimes watch that tv show that’s nothing like what it’s supposed to be.

To answer your question, no. Depending on how recently additions were made to that number and the person in question’s level of care when using protection, I’d probably get tested and ask that they get tested. But writing someone off because of that number? Nope. Not gonna happen.

And for the record that great record wherever it’s kept it doesn’t say anything about whether she wants to or can maintain a monogamous relationship.

Yep, Clerks is an awesome movie. According to that movie, the real question is whether or not she’ll make you lasagna. That’s a much better metric.

@xxporkxsodaxx: Charming.

@tennesseejac. You’re not an asshole. You asked a legitimate question and it just happened to be one that was going to elicit all kinds of different and interesting responses and opinions from others.

Whatever happens between you and this woman you’re interested in, I hope it works out for the best for both of you. Good luck.

I’d like to note that I don’t think tennesseejac is an asshole, either.

@triozoo: If this dude is not comfortable asking this girl if her STD tests are negative or not, HE SHOULD NOT BE PUTTING HIS PENIS IN HER VAGINA.

word, niki.

@xxporkxsodaxx – Much as I despise the wording that you chose, I like the way you evened things out. Male or female, we are free to have sex however we choose, as long as there is consent.

@uberbatman – Oh, right! Saw it, forgot it…

@tennesseejac – I’m going to agree that you are not an asshole. You just seem misguided by the stereotypes that the media tends to encourage. Reconsider this all from her perspective…

double word.

Still, if you do the math it’s something like one dude every two months or so assuming she started at eighteen. I am passing out so I could be wrong.

@nikipedia: reread the question again then,he’s only interested in her but is turned off by the number count;thats it.

@tennesseejac: Dude, you got positive feedback. This just makes you sound really young. Why are you talking about a number if you’re not talking about getting tested and you’ve just met but this can change whether you want to get involved? It just sounds really odd and out of order. If you think you might like her get to know her first. If the number concerns you talk about your concerns with her. If you can’t deal with something like that give her the chance to move on knowing that it’s your hang-up.

Amen, cyndy.

Ask yourself why this bothers you. Are there other aspects you haven’t put in your Q, like she’s a serial cheater or something? Are you feeling a little jealous, maybe, if her number is higher than yours? Are you more invested in a relationship than she is and there’s something going on emotionally with you there? It doesn’t sound to me that you know each other all that well, and I’m a little surprised that you know this about her before you two have become involved. Did she tell you this number herself or is it a bit of gossip?

Otherwise, if she’s just a normal healthy young woman who likes sex, what she did before she met you has nothing to do with you. If you can’t handle that, do leave her alone. No one deserved to be judged like that.

It really boils down to, do you just want some fun with this girl or are you looking for a serious relationship with someone. If you are looking for a serious relationship and you’re not comfortable with this number chances are you aren’t going to feel any better. I would feel kinda weird about it too. but if you are looking for a good time then saddle up.

@Triozoo,
First you said,
tennesseejac is concerned about having a long term relationship with this individual and also taking into account the sexual transmitted diseases she may or may not have.
then you said,
@nikipedia: reread the question again then,he’s only interested in her but is turned off by the number count;thats it.

Why don’t you speak for yourself instead of trying to speak for the asker since you can’t seem to get your story straight. Besides, I’m sure he’s quite capable of telling us his point of view without any help.

She’s not a pro, right…?
…And never was…yes?

Ok, not to push any buttons here, but personally I think 32 is a really high number. If anyone (regardless of gender) had a number like this I would think the same thing. I’d think “Damn, that’s a fucking high number.” Then if it was a guy, I’d pass. So.. hey tennesseejac, if you choose to pass, I understand (and I don’t think you’re at all an asshole either, by the way).

I think you’re right to have questions, and I think the number certainly does reflect some part of her personality you might not be comfortable with. It does not inherently mean she’s a whore.
I would have questions for a guy I’m interested in if he was 25 and slept with 32 girls too. Like augustlan pointed out, it’s entirely possible she was sexually abused and in her own way is making up for it, or anything like that.
Basically, don’t write her off solely because of that number, but the fact that a red flag went up for you means you are having some issues coping and understanding it. Make sure you talk to her about it and understand the circumstances and be certain that you are comfortable with it before getting entirely involved. You are not an asshole for being cautious.

@Le chica gomela: Then I must apologize to the readers and to you regarding to my previous statement. I suppose I had interpreted his question/details in my own words while trying to reply to another question which was asked to me.
sorry.

Find you a nice Mormon girl dude.

Virgin/Whore complex. Has this question ever even been asked about a male before? “Women unabashedly enjoying their sexuality, RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!”

Sounds like a high number to me, but I wouldn’t hold it against her. Maybe you are worried about just being another milestone? (which is a valid concern)

The number itself really doesn’t matter. It’s what shes doing now and in the future and what you want from the relationship that counts and whether she will provide that to you. TBH the fact that shes (presumably) told you this information means she at least isn’t being deceitful or dishonest about her past.

But is she telling you this to let you know she really doesn’t want a serious relationship or is she telling you for another reason? I think that is pretty important to know.

If it was me I’ve got to admit I would be a bit taken aback but I wouldn’t just let the number itself dictate my course of action in the relationship. That’s a very simplistic view of things. The number isn’t her.

I didn’t read all the posts because I was blushing. I better get over it because I was just cast in the Vagina Monologues!
Sometimes a girl goes through a stage in life when she is promiscuous. I did, and it encompassed less than a year of my life. I met someone who I cared for deeply but he couldn’t handle my “past.” I moved on and became a great citizen and I think a dammed good wife (to someone else.) 30 ears later that guy hunted me down. He regretted judging me and wanted me to leave my husband for him. His loss, but mine too, because I lived for all those years with a burden I didn’t even know I was carrying. I broke down when he called me, not because I wanted the life I could have had, but because I realized that I was a better person than I had given myself credit for for the last 30 years.
Forgive her and move on to a glorious life or let her go, but don’t use her past as a wedge or an excuse for self righteousness.

Wow. What a fantastically illustrative example Judi…Bravo. Screw double standards, I’m over it.

well obviously when you are 17 or 18 even the number 1 can be a problem. But as you grow older and become sexually active, it is normal that you’d have quite a few. If I had to put a limit after which I’d be shocked (for a 28 year old) it would be a pretty high one, something like 50. Not that I’d be too happy with 20 either. But at the end of the day it’s not someone’s past that matters, but their future with you. If you really think that person is ready to make a commitment and has found what they are looking in you, then a number is just a number.

And of course it always depends on the social context of all this.

(I still haven’t asked my gf her number, because I’m 7 years older than her and fear hers will be higher than mine)

@introv interesting…

@omfgTALIjustIMDu…. why do women have to be sexually abused before its considered ok to have so many sexual partners?

@tennesseejac I don’t think you are being unreasonable thinking this is a high number… i’ve slept with a similar amount of men and also consider it to be a high number..but i’ve had my reasons as i suspect she has…and even if that is just because she likes sex…what is wrong with that?

I agree with introv, the number is not her… but it is indicative of the person she was, is and potentially could be in the future (and i don’t necessarily mean that she’ll want to go fuck everyone in sight – she might not want anyone else in the future at all…??)... and only you two together can work out whether you want to deal with that.

All the best buddy x

@uberbatman: It’s 37. My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks…. In a row?!?!?

And @original question: I admittedly skipped over a lot of the thread for the sake of time, but personally, I don’t want to know someone’s number. As long as they’ve been tested and they’re clean, I could give a shitless. I know I don’t want to be judged for my number, so I won’t be doing any judging.

Also, I think its important to take into account her more recent past. If she banged 5 blokes in the past month I’d certainly be pretty concerned about that if I was looking for a serious relationship. But not if I was just looking for a good time :)

Even then you could just make sure you fucked her so good she never wanted anyone else. Thats my strategy lol

Hmmmm Im in a funny mood this morning!

dante was the 37th. thus why i said 36, his original accusations to her :P

@introv i wonder if it’s worked huh?

@uber: Okay, okay, I’ll give you that one. I’m a big Kevin Smith fan…. especially Jay and Silent Bob. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts!

32. Sounds experianced to me. You should be so lucky. Brown chicken brown cow.

@TitsMcGhee yes luckily my girlfriend did not suck 37 dicks in a row, because then I might have added “Why couldn’t you have just fucked them like a normal girl?” and then this would be a completely different discussion.

@tennesseejac : Haha, true story.

Wow.

First of all, I take issue with this statement: “Say both have a number of 10, some people disregard the male’s, but call the female a whore.” WHO? What kind of non-crazy, non-evangelical would call a woman who slept with 10 people a whore?

Secondly, to answer your actual question, No, there is not a certain number at which I would draw the line for my boyfriend’s past sexual partners. Whether his “number” is 3 or 3001, I could love him all the same. In fact, I am typically attracted to people with interesting pasts, and I think that certain experiences can be invaluable to the development of character, even sleeping with hundreds of people. I would only have a problem with this if he were dishonest about it. As long as he was honest, I would thoroughly enjoy hearing the stories of his sexual experiences, as there are bound to be some fascinating stories with a number like 3001. No need to be jealous; he’s with me now. :)

Finally, regardless of the number of men that your girlfriend has slept with, you have absolutely no right to judge her, but that’s already been reinforced above. Specifically, I am appalled that you would consider 32 a particularly high amount of sexual partners for a 25-year-old woman. Many of my girlfriends who have been single for the majority of their lives have similar numbers (I’m 23), and they’re not whores by any means. I hear the stories of their sexual experiences, and they are in no way degrading to my friend.

I have been having sex for 8 years, and my number is 11, but 5 of those years have been spent in committed relationships, in which the number was not increasing! If I had been single, I would certainly have slept with a greater amount of people. Maybe you should be happy that your girlfriend considers you worthwhile enough to be in a committed relationship with you, unlike the majority of the other guys she has been with.

It’s absurd that anyone would judge a person based on number of sexual partners. When you’re single again, after your girlfriend dumps your judgmental ass, and some hot chick is all over your shit, think about this before you decide to increase your number, since it’s obviously so important to you.

@lynneblundell no im not sure it has but I believe it to be a noble goal anyway. Everyones a winner right?

@girlofscience I wasn’t calling anyone a whore (especially the girl I’m talking about), I was just using the detail space as a kind of conversation starter and I was just using 10 as an example. I don’t think I’m judging her, I’m just concerned because I care for her. Because of my beliefs, I haven’t made it a habit of mine to have sex with someone that I don’t care about and I just think I’m looking for a relationship with someone that feels the same. However, I do believe that someone’s past is just that… their past and as long as I can be happy with her thats all that matters. Plus, I’m not as experienced so I am a bit nervous as how I will stand up to all those others if it gets to that point (at my pace it could take longer than she’s use to). Im going to try introv’s strategy.

It’s perfectly valid to judge a potential partner with regards to how many sexual partners they have had, if such judgement relates to whether you are likely to want different things in life. If I love sex and I meet a fantastic girl who is 28 years of age and has never in her life been sufficiently driven to want to shag someone, it is perfectly reasonable for me to ask whether we are going to be compatible. So why is it not reasonable to turn the tables. If she or he has had heaps of partners and you have not, then perhaps you want different things in life. Sexual history is as valid a basis on which to consider compatibility, because sexual history is interlinked with how well or poorly you form lasting relationships with people, or even want lasting relationships. Either way is fine (lots of partners or few), but it is less likely to work between two people who are attracted to completely different lifestyles.

The problem is that this issue (rightfully or wrongfully) easily drifts into accusations of or actual sexism (hence the rather invigorating discussion) if people are drawing lines in the sand as to what is acceptable or worse, if there are insinuations that there are different standards for each sex. If you’re doing that then you deserve the attacks. Frankly my two cents is that most guys can feel insecure if she’s had lots of partners because they suspect that the laws of probability are in favour of some guy back there in her past who was equiped like a Calvin Klein model and performed like a rippling muscled machine of endless artistic lovemaking prowess in the bedroom. Sensitive creatures that we are, that kind of makes us feel insecure. Not the feeling you want in the back of your head when you’re trying to pretend you’re a Don Juan.

Anyways, my advice is talk less to us and more to her. Be honest about what you want, how you feel, and STD’s. If she is dismissive of the risk of catching something then run like hell, not because she likes sex, but because she’s an idiot. If you want sex, have fun, you’ll probably learn something (or catch something if you don’t wear a rubber..hey and chat to a doc too beforehand). If you want love, then try to understand if she is after something deep and meaningful (once again, talk to her). Considering her past, be careful, you could get emotionally burnt if she has every intention of continuing to turn partners over every couple of months, you included.

good luck.

@girlofscience : I also certainly hope no one is calling women who have slept with ten guys a whore… shifty eyes…

@critter38 ..ref “laws of probability”.of course we women wouldn’t feel paranoid that there was some aphrodite, sex goddess in our man’s past that writhed around on his dick with complete abandon and had the perfect neat little “non-beefy” tight pussy to perform endless amounts of cunnilingus on…if in fact it was the man who had slept with a lot of people…. would we?

No of course not…women are far too emotionally advanced relative to us mere males to harbour such pointless insecurities ..

by the way, Im certain I have in fact performed hours of inspired cunnilingus on that very girl you describe….

Just to keep it going… what if that woman was 16 and the ten guys were the starting lineup for the futbol team? I’m sure there would be some words thrown around about her… including whore

@lynneblundell “non-beefy”? I like the term and it doesn’t matter, its all pink on the inside and now that I know we can’t have sugar around the beav that’s all I’m worried about is the inside.

someone else used the term “beefy” i was just making ref to it…thinking about it now i’m not whether they were referring to the colour or texture or…what?...sheesh..i don’t want to think about it now…

and i’m sure they would call her a whore…

Perhaps the author was anatomically challenged and what they thought was a beefy vagina was actually a bloke.

I love doing Fluther at this time of the day because you guys say things like “bloke” and “shag”.

I think “beefy” was in reference to the texture.

How about ‘moist, warm, and inviting’ for a more toned down description as opposed to a visual image such as ‘beefy’?

@Bluefreedom : OH GOD I HATE THE WORD MOIST. It sounds so freakin’ gross….

Wet, liquified, lubricated, oiled…..(that’s all you get for replacements of moist because I can’t find my thesaurus, sorry)

@tennesseejac yes i thought that was the case…with beefy i mean

@Bluefreedom i much prefer your description…and i quite like the word moist

clammy, damp, dampish, dank, dewy, dripping, drippy, drizzly, humid, irriguous, muggy, oozy, rainy, soggy, teary, watery

Personally, I’d take moist…

although dewy has a nice ring, probably used in b grade romantic paperbacks to avoid offending people with a sensitivity to the word moist, “EEEUuuuuuu”

@lynneblundell and Critter. I’m glad I’m not the only one then. I was worried there for a moment. :o)

yes…definitely moist, i can’t think of a better word… (and neither can google)

@introv stop chickening out and get your response written…or do you keep getting caught by the boss?? ;-)

So we are all in agreement. Vaginas are officially “moist”!

So what was the question again…

Ah I was actually thinking to myself that I love the word moist. It makes me salivate slightly… which makes me feel like a certain dog. It’s a bloody great word.

I was also thinking that if moist is offensive to anyone I wonder what word they would use. So I asked a seperate question to save this one being totally hijacked. Errrm too late eh!

AHAHAHAHA!
What has this question turned into???

the amount of past relationship can actually tell the person’s attitude. Surely there is a reason why she has so many relationship in the past. I’m not saying that she is a play girl or anything like that, just that before you get into relationship with her , you might want to know her more and why she has those past relationship cut off.

@tits and @uber: I wonder when “in a row” is used (as in “sucked 37 dicks in a row”) what exactly would constitute “in a row” and what one would have to do for the series to be broken and not, therefor, “in a row” any longer. LOL!

@critter: You forgot “sloppy”. I like the word “moist”.

@Judi: I think you’re wonderful, woman.

@uber and @cyndyh: Speaking of ”in a row ” ...

I think most of what I have to say has already been said, but here goes:
1. I am more comfortable with my boyfriend because we have similar numbers. But that more speaks to my preference to be with people of similar experience levels regardless of what I’m doing than anything else.
2. There is no magical line in the sand for me.
3. If my boyfriend had slept with 52 people, I’d make sure he got tested and share the results. I’d be willing to do the same. As it was, we both have very low numbers and still did the test and share. No matter what someone’s number is, it’s just safer to test and share.
4. If you can’t ask to test and share, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them
5. Yes, there is a horrible double standard when it comes to sleeping around, but it should also be a subject you can talk about with her/him. You may wish to make sure you share similar views about sleeping with someone. If it is sacred to you but a way for her to relax, that may lead to other issues in your relationship.
6. Disregard anything you might have heard about her. Unless you heard the number directly from her, it’s just speculation and people do love to talk. Especially about the sex other people may or may not be having.

Ok, tits, that was different. lol I still wonder what “in a row” means. Is that all in the same day? Without other types of sexual activity in between? Without sucking other things in between? Or are we actually talking about a line of them “in a row” like they’re waiting their turn? It’s just a funny turn of phrase for this context.

@cyndyh : I I think it just means one immediately after the other….

I guess that is what Jay would have meant in that context. Yeah, I could see that being where he was going with that.

Have you seen Zach and Miri yet? Mews is hot nude.

Wow! I am so jealous of all these women (and men) with so much experience! They must be having a lot of fun. I wish I could have been like you. Alas, I was too much into relationships. Besides which, even if I hadn’t been into relationships, I would have ended up being autosexual. My lack of success made me feel so undesirable when I was not in a relationship, that I held onto relationships long after I should have. It makes me very sad to read this thread. You would think I would not read it, but somehow I can’t help but read about things that I wish I could have had.

@cyndyh : I haven’t but I want to badly! I don’t know that I’d openly admit it, but I kinda the Jason Mews is kinda hot…

@Tits: Unfortunately, it’s my least favorite KS movie. But Mews is hotter than ever and makes it worth the viewing.

@daloon: I think it’s best to view it like “it is what it is”. If you want things to be different and you can change them then you do. If you don’t want them different or you can’t make them different then it’s just one of those “oh, well, move on” things. Note that some of us stated no number because, as Leon Redbone sang, Ain’t Nobody’s Business But My Own.

What I want to know is how socially backwards are you to have even asked how many people she has slept with when you hardly know her? My boyfriend has never asked me and I have never asked him, we just went and got an STD check. You don’t have to go together and make a date out of it but get one done yourself and bring up to her how you feel about it. If you don’t want to know the answer don’t ask the question. I have slept with guys often at certain points in my life but I have never cheated on a guy or even come close. She has probably already been called a slut in her life, because all women have at some point, and not calling her again over a number is pretty much calling her that again. I understand it bothering you and that’s cool but for future reference don’t ask people if it is going to be a deal breaker even though you really like the person. You will be much happier in the future.

@jessturtle23: We talked about it in the normal course of getting to know each other conversation. It wasn’t like I said, “Hey, MisterPixie, how many ladies have you been do-ing??” It was just one of those things that came up as we got ready to take that step in our relationship. We talked about it at the same time we talked about testing.

My point being that he may not have asked what her number was—he probably didn’t give her an application to fill out before becoming interested in her or anything—it was just something that came up.

I also take issue with your idea that every woman has been called a slut at some point in her life. I certainly haven’t been. Not calling her back over the number isn’t calling her a slut. It says you have different value systems. I, personally, only wish to engage in sexual activity while in a long term relationship with someone I very much care about. I also want this value to be reflected in my partner. Ergo, I’m unlikely to want to date someone with a high number. Not because I think they are a slut, but because they are unlikely to share this particular, important value. Similarly, I’m unlikely to date a republican. Not because they are a moron because they don’t share my very important political views.

You can make a decision like this without making it about the other person’s morality. When it comes to who you want to date, the decision really can be a lot more about you than it is her.

@Empress-First of all, I was answering HIS question. I didn’t even read your thread. Sorry. It’s good that you have never been called a slut. I have been in the situation where someone has asked me before they ever got to know me and it is really none of their business at that point. Yeah, I understand that it may come up eventually but the guy who asked the question has made it seem like they just met. Also, not calling her back isn’t calling her a slut directly, but I speak from experience when I say that it sure does feel that way.

Jess, I realize you were answering his question. I was using my experience to relate to both his question and your response. While he certainly could have said, “Baby, what your number?”, I feel like it is more likely or just as likely that it was something that came up in some less manner.

I completely agree with Empress on this one. This could have more to do with personal values, rather than simply calling her a slut. That said, when I was a virgin I chose to date someone who had multiple partners (in the 30s) by the time he was about 24. It was shocking to me, simply because it was so different that I could never imagine doing that myself. I didn’t judge him though, because “to each their own”. I even asked him outright how many people he’d slept with. Why? Because he was interested in dating me, I was curious and I wanted to know how similar we were or weren’t. I don’t think it’s any different than asking someone whether or not they’re religious, which I also asked.

I was prepared not to judge, though. I let him tell me and explain his perspective on the matter.

This is a verse written by Starhawk, which can be found in her book “The Fifth Sacred Thing.”

My Love, you are a river fed by many streams.
I bless all who have shaped you
The lovers whose delights still dance patterns on you back,
Those who carved your channels deeper, broader, wider,
Whitewater and backwater lovers,
Swamp lovers, sun-warmed estuary lovers,
Lovers with suface tension,
Lover like boulders,
Like ice forming and breaking,
Lovers that fill and spill with the tides.
I bless those who have taught you
and those who have pleased you
and those who have hurt you,
All those who have made you who you are.

——
All of our lovers made us who we are. I have learned something from everyone I’ve been with, even if it’s just something more about myself. If I hadn’t been with some or any of them, I would not be the person I am now. If someone loves me for who I am now, they love me in part because of these people. I’m sure that I wouldn’t change any of them – even the bad experiences – just to lower the “count” to satisfy a patriarchal society, and if someone rejects me for my count, well, they are rejecting my past, my life, and who I am.

Well I agree that it says a lot about what kind of person she is. It might not be such a good idea.