Will I be Brave enough next time?

Yes, you will be brave enough next time, because you are reflecting on it now and can use it as a great learning experience. But no one’s sure when that next time will happen, so if you want to capitalize on your desire to help, why not go buy a huge bunch of things the food shelter needs (they’ll give you a list if you ask them), then spend a few hours sorting it and other donations? Going hungry is one of the worst things, and your donations of time and food will always be appreciated by many others.

Even though you didn’t follow through with helping this person out but you thought about helping him repeatedly indicates to me that you are a compassionate person and that you have a good heart.

I would venture to guess that you are going to come across many more opportuniites to help people in the future and I’m sure you will make sound choices when that time comes. I certainly wouldn’t consider a missed opportunity a failing of any sort but more like a learning experience like dynamicdue said above.

I realize that the following scenario is unlikely, but it is possible:

(this really happened to me) I was at a grocery store when I was in school. I went through the checkout w/ probably $75 worth of food. My credit card was declined (heavy sighs from the people behind me). A second credit card was expired (more eye rolling behind me). I had about $20 cash and could only get a few things. It was humiliating.

Turns out the credit card company had cancelled the one card as I hadn’t used it in over a year! Huh? True.

The second one….the replacement was sitting on my desk in a pile of crap and I just had forgotten to activate it….

So. Not every person in line w/ a cash issue is poor or in need of help financially. The thing I would have appreciated the most from people is patience. The non-verbal communication of disapproval and irriation was embarassing.

If the guy’s issues were that he had no money, I suspect he knew that going into the store, especially as he wasn’t able to extract money from the cash machine.

I am not saying you should or shouldn’t have helped….I am just saying you might not know the whole story…..

@snoopy i appreciate that totally…another reason why i didn’t want to come across patronising… and i totally gave him my patience. If that’s all that was required of me then i did good heh…. but yes…unlikely..in this town anyway…

I agree wholeheartedly with Snoopy, without knowing the full story you never know how an offer of help will be taken and if it is even necessary.

One of the best things that a local grocery chain in the town I went to college in ever did was end this situation entirely. If you forgot your wallet or were declined, they let you take your groceries without embarrassing you and asked you to drop by and pay later, when you had a chance. It wasn’t a policy they advertised (so that it wouldn’t be abused), but it was the actual policy.

They said that most of the people paid the money back and what they did lose didn’t come anywhere close to the amount it cost for 1 full page ad in the paper but was way more effective at getting people to continue to shop there.

…perhaps i should write to the chain of the grocery store i was in and suggest this… thanks for your input… I’m not sure that a major company would take this policy on though even so… and that perhaps it is up to us..joe public ; to make the difference?

I doubt a major, public company would. The chain in question is privately owned and the owners are devout in their religion. It means they have a few oddities beyond just that—they sell no alcohol at all and insist every employee take their day of worship off. Plus they are never open on Sundays.

Although this might not have been the appropriate time to use the knowledge, it is worthwhile to know such things as ‘Where is the nearest homeless shelter/soup kitchen/church or other organization that can help someone in trouble?’.

When I worked downtown I ran into a homeless guy that was simply trying to find the soup kitchen, not asking for money or the usual panhandling BS. I was embarassed that I didn’t know, so I walked on to work, looked the information up, and went back and found the guy and walked with him to the soup kitchen (so I’d know for sure where it was).

Now I’ve moved jobs and, although I’m in an area that has a lot of homeless and panhandlers, I no longer know where the nearest help is located. Looks like I got a ‘TO-DO’ on my list.

Well in my opinion it might not have been an issue with this guy not having enough money but possibly a bad credit card like snoopy stated? He might have plenty of money in the bank?

Maybe next time in order to not make a scene ask if you could pay for his things but give him your phone number so that he could get a hold of you to pay you back?

@critter1982 yeah… my mum suggested that too… good idea x

Well, I don’t think you should give him money, but meh, then what else would you do?
OK fine, put a few bucks off your credit card it won’t matter.
I’d say if he has a kid then….things may get unfair, though :).

There will be a next time and I hope you have the courage to do the right thing.

I’ve been in those shoes….not knowing how I was going to feed my kids, pay the rent, afford basic necessities. When one is that desparate, there is no time or energy to waste on embarrassment.

I am surprised at how many people advise not giving them money… or at least seeking all other options first… nothing like having an immediate impact and seeing a need and meeting it eh… makes me quite sad really :-(

@lynneblundell The reason I would avoid giving him money is that the guy tried the ATM before he came into the store so apparently he knew his card would be denied in the store and yet tried it anyway. What’s up with that? Am I just cynical, or does that sound weird to other folks.

Actually, lynne, there are times when I would not offer money. In the scene you described, it appeared the man was buying grocery items for his child. In that case, I would have no problem handing over cash. However if the situation was different, and gave me the impression that cash would be used for other items besides food, I would not hand over cash but instead would hand the person a bag of groceries.
Every situation is different and you have to try to make the best decision for the circumstances.

I don’t think it matters why his card was rejected, or whether or not he knew it would be. Offering to pay for his few groceries is an act of kindness, regardless of the circumstances. If it was a situation like Snoopy’s he could always pay you back. Now if I’d seen this guy doing the same thing repeatedly, I certainly wouldn’t hand over my money…I’d know it was a scam. When in doubt, be generous. You will never regret it.

Compassion has its own rewards.

You have a good heart, and you came here to get some ideas for next time, so I think you will do what’s right for you and the person you try to help. Just remember not to give more than you can afford to lose, just in case it is a scam. You wouldn’t have to pay for the guy’s entire bill, but you could offer to buy some neccessary items for the little boy. Either way, you should be able to sleep the sleep of an angel knowing your heart is in the right place.

@Grisson… i can understand you thinking it a bit weird but the thing is (i don’t know how it works over in US) if he had less than ten pounds in his bank but had say seven.. he wouldn’t be able to withdraw it at the cash point but could pay at the counter.So… i presume he checked his balance and knew that he had money in there but just not enough to withdraw a whole ten pounds. I’m of the thought that if there wasn’t any money in there he wouldn’t have gone into the store just to get rejected in front of a load of people…and i very much doubt that he thought…“someone will offer to pay for my groceries for me..”. I suspect that he had a little bit of money in there but for some reason did the calculations wrong (if he was overdrawn for example he could have got the math wrong) and went into the store thinking he would be able to get his food.

I also think that in those situations you can speculate about whether the person is genuine or not…but the fact is I felt the guy was just hard up and trying to get some food for his kid, nothing conceited or manipulative but simply temporarily out of cash. I’m going to rely on my instinct in the future i think and not worry so much. And therefore…

@augustlan i totally agree with you… generosity ftw… and

@AlfredaPrufrock @scamp thank you…compassion and angelic thoughts abound… xx

@lynne, it could also be that his account password had been stolen and money taken out of his account without his knowledge.

@lynneblundell Very good point.

thanks Grisson x

@lynneblundell Thank you for the clarification about the inability to w/draw < 10, but can use card at check out. I am not aware of that in the US.

@lynneblundell Or he may very well have been so embarrassed that he went elsewhere to withdraw money and shop. I might have been.

@Snoopy The problem is that ATM’s in the US often only deal in a limited number of currency denominations. Used to be they would dispense $20’s and $5’s to allow any combination divisible by $5. Now they are mostly $20’s (I assume the newer machines are cheaper to design, manufacture and maintain?). So if I had $19 in the bank, I’d be in the same situation as @lynneblundell‘s down-on-his-luck fellow.

@Grisson Ah. Well, I haven’t used an ATM in years…..good to know :)

Braveheart