When is it a good idea just to keep my mouth shut? (Girlfriend help)

Whenever she questions you, she’s always right, even if she’s wrong.

She shouldn’t lie to you. And if she did, hopefully she’ll regret it and tell you the truth, but hey, if you’ve been together that long, why would she lie to you about it? Is there any way she could possibly be telling the truth? Ask her if it really was her, and if she says yes, let it be, for now. Just watch her body language, watch her eyes.

I disagree with the post before mine. While that’s usually the case. I dont think it is in a situation like this.

I would just let her know that you would appreciate her openness and honesty, but don’t push it beyond that. If you have other trust issues, especially if you think something is going on behind your back, let her know that it is a concern in a manner that is less accusatory. Approach it in a way that’s more “I see a trust problem and I’d like your help in fixing it” and less “I think you’re cheating” way. If you’re not accusing, it makes it harder for her to become defensive and lends itself to a more open conversation and less of a fight.

Best time to keep your mouth shut? Always, always, always.

I would try to verify for myself whether or not she had that brand in the house before I said anything else. After that, if you still feel she has lied to you, I don’t know how you could not pursue it. There is no way I could let that go. If I tried to keep my mouth shut about something like that it would eat away at me until it came out in a less than pleasant way.

Yeah. I would go with Tits’ approach, but I couldn’t really let it drop either. Just because she seems to be lying doesn’t mean she’s cheating, but if you find out for sure she’s not cheating the lying is still not alright. It might be something like an old friend or a neighbor of hers came by that you don’t like or that she doesn’t want to explain to you for some reason. It might not be cheating exactly, but geez I’d wanna know what was up.

What grabbed me from your question is you said it was “her living room” so I take it you don’t live together at this point.

If that is the case, then she shouldn’t feel compelled to lie when she could easily say a friend was over since it’s technically not your place to dictate who comes and goes.

This means: a) she isn’t lying or
b) she’s a bad liar [given the different cig stub]

I would advise you to stay calm, stay aware, and wait… if she’s being honest, it will teach you patience. If she’s lying, you’ll be giving her enough rope to hang herself.

address the situation with her…but always with humility
otherwise it might just eat you up inside

@arcoarena, You posted this question not too long ago. Perhaps she’s ready to move on for the same reasons?

I always try very hard to listen to my intuition regarding things that are strange. Listen to it and see what it says. Then you know when to keep your mouth shut.

What if it is the worst? Then she may not want to tell the truth. What then?

You become suspicious. You watch her for signs. You might even spy on her—check her phone for numbers, see what’s in her email if you can, find a diary, watch the house at night. None of it is good, and it usually ends up in the end of the relationship. Unless she comes clean, shows remorse, and you can forgive her.

For your sake, I really hope it is not the worst. The worst really sucks. I’ve been there.

If she is lying, sooner her later she will get caught in another lie. I agree with what mcbrealer said.

Ok – I’m not going to finesse this. First find some testicles. (sorry) After years of experience and two unsuccessful marriages – honesty really IS the best rule in situations like this. You have every right to ask the question – just remember, if you base it on your Emotions (which you never have to justify… they are YOUR’s) and say that you are concerned and don’t want to have this doubt between you… that might be a good start. Tell her how you Feel. If you don’t… the above are Right… you will start watching for Clues and other lies and it will end up being destructive. Better to get it out in the open. And, as a woman, I would say that if she is that defensive… she IS hiding something. Now… maybe she had your mom or sister over to talk about a surprise party… but maybe it is something else. Also, a reminder to YOU… don’t ask the Question if YOU don’t want the Answer. Honesty goes BOTH ways!!!

@mjchatter, That wonderful advice, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer.” It’s a good companion to “Eavesdroppers never hear well of themselves.” (or snoopers, stalkers, or spies)

And welcome to Fluther!